When Keifer finally stepped into a relationship with Rina…
everything became more uncomfortable.
Not easier.
Not calmer.
Not safer.
Just… heavier.
He didn't belong anywhere anymore.
At home, he was careful.
Too careful.
He spoke softly.
He laughed less.
He stopped bringing anyone up in conversations.
Because every time Rina's name slipped out…
Serina's hands would pause.
Keizer's eyes would move away.
The room would grow quiet in that slow, aching way that had nothing to do with silence.
He couldn't bring Rina into that house without feeling like he was doing something wrong.
Not because she was bad.
But because she wasn't Jay.
And everyone knew it.
With Rina… it wasn't better.
It was different pain.
She tried.
She really did.
She waited for him.
Listened to him.
Smiled when he went distant.
Told him he didn't have to talk if he wasn't ready.
But she could feel it.
She could feel the space she wasn't allowed to enter.
The way he never rested his head on her shoulder.
The way his arms around her were gentle… but never desperate.
Never searching.
Never relieved.
He was present.
But he was guarded.
Like a man sitting in a room with all the lights on, still afraid of the dark.
He wasn't comforted at home.
He wasn't comforted with Rina.
He wasn't even comforted inside himself.
Because the only place that had ever felt soft to him…
Was a girl he wasn't allowed to touch anymore.
Some nights, when Rina slept beside him, turned toward him quietly…
Keifer would stare at the ceiling.
Wide awake.
Holding his own hands together so he wouldn't reach for someone who wasn't there.
And the cruelest part—
He couldn't even miss Jay out loud.
Not to his parents.
Not to Rina.
Not to anyone.
So he learned to swallow the ache.
To wear calm.
To survive days that felt too long.
Because once he chose what was acceptable…
He lost what had been comforting.
And Keifer realized something slowly.
He hadn't stepped into a new relationship.
He had stepped into a life where he was not comforted anywhere.