"Good work."
Scrims - complete losses.
We maintained that record again today. Because of that strange sense of accomplishment, the faces of my teammates, including mine, were bright.
Yesterday, when we kept that record, we got a lot of hate. But since we did the same thing again today, the viewers seemed to have given up and simply accepted it.
This team never intended to win in the first place
How do you even manage to achieve the glorious record of losing every scrim?
If they actually wanted to win, this record would be impossible. That's the established theory
Just type lol seriously lol
This team should just give up
Hyung, I'm your fan, but I really don't think you can win this time
Just as we intended, the viewers were convinced we wouldn't win at all. Seeing everything flow according to plan made me feel oddly proud.
But at the same time, I felt like we shouldn't push this strategy any further.
It feels like we're getting used to losing…
When people keep losing, they inevitably adapt and become accustomed to it. That's why people keep striving and challenging themselves - to avoid that.
Our team, even if intentionally, was continuing to lose.
As a result, my teammates were getting used to defeat, and the viewers were getting used to watching us lose too. You could say it had only been two days.
But two days was enough time to get accustomed.
If we kept losing scrims like this and then went into the actual tournament, we might genuinely end up losing for real.
I should talk to the coach and the others about this later.
After reaching that conclusion, I headed to the waiting room with the other team members.
Day two of scrims. By now, everyone had grown close enough to joke around with each other. Watching them, I felt like I was seeing a reflection of my old self.
Chatting and laughing with people you met at a tournament. And enjoying it.
But for this tournament, that wasn't possible for me.
I hadn't been building team synergy with them; I had been training alone the entire time. It was for the sake of winning, but because I kept focusing on solo training, I didn't share the bond the others had built.
"I feel kind of left out…"
As that thought crossed my mind, I also felt like I was being ungrateful. Since I remained a PC streamer, I did fewer collaborations, and even among other PC streamers, there wasn't much interaction.
That had lasted for years.
And yet, after just a few weeks of talking to people again, I was feeling left out? It felt indulgent of me.
And realizing that about myself made reality hit hard.
They've been streaming in capsules for years. Of course they'd have that internal familiarity.
Meanwhile, until recently, I had been a PC streamer. It was only natural that they didn't have that same sense of familiarity with me.
Once reality hit, I found myself unable to step into the waiting room so easily. And perhaps Yeonju noticed, because she came outside.
"Why aren't you coming in?"
"Ah… I was just thinking that you've all gotten really close."
At my answer, she looked slightly apologetic. It seemed she understood the implication behind my words.
"I'm sorry. The four of us have spent a lot of time together… I guess you could've felt left out."
"I'm not blaming anyone. I just… kind of had a reality check about myself not being able to blend in like that."
"Ah…"
After I said that, she didn't say anything else. That was probably her way of being considerate.
Maybe because of that consideration, a small smile formed on my lips. We weren't close like the others, but she still looked out for me. That made me a little happy.
Hyung has every reason to feel that way
Thinking about it, he did seem distant from the others even during scrims
Looks like he just kept training weapons alone
The fun of tournaments is making connections. Hyung feels kind of pitiful
Isn't it the coach's job to manage the team dynamic? He's just leaving him feeling isolated
You just want to get flamed at this point
The viewers were reacting to my mood, my muttering, and my conversation with Yeonju.
They weren't wrong, so I didn't moderate them. But I also avoided reading those messages. If I kept reading them, my thoughts would spiral in a negative direction.
After standing outside with Yeonju for a few minutes, I finally entered the waiting room.
"Ah, Pilgong's here. Then let's wrap up and head to training."
The coach said that and went over a few precautions and strategies. Even while listening, I stayed quiet, still feeling that lingering sense of isolation.
After finishing the final notes, everyone left the waiting room to train. I was about to move as well when the coach and the team leader called me. I was slightly startled by the suddenness, but I stopped and waited.
"What's going on? I was just about to head to training."
As far as I could tell, I hadn't done anything wrong, so it probably wasn't feedback or anything like that. After hearing my question, the two of them bowed their heads as if they had rehearsed it.
"Pilgong, we're sorry."
"We're truly sorry."
"Pardon?"
The sudden apology caught me off guard. While I stood there confused, they continued.
"I was so obsessed with the goal of winning that I didn't consider your position at all. I'm truly sorry."
"I was chosen as team leader, but I got too excited and failed to see your situation properly. You were already under pressure because we recruited you for such a high amount… I'm really sorry."
Seeing them like that, it was obvious Yeonju had spoken to them after coming outside earlier.
"I'm… really fine."
It didn't feel right to fully admit it, so I forced a smile and said I was fine. The reality check I had earlier was enough venting for me. I wanted to just brush it off.
But the two who apologized didn't seem willing to leave it at that.
"No. I shouldn't have done that. You joined as a team member, and I acted terribly as a coach. I'm truly sorry."
"As team leader, I should've paid more attention to the relationships between members. I'm really sorry."
I could tell their apologies were sincere. Maybe that's why my eyes started to sting.
At least these two understood that I had been struggling.
"Ah… why am I crying over this?"
The stream was still on, which made it embarrassing. I have no idea why the capsule system even implements visible tears.
When I started crying, the two of them panicked even more, and the viewers flooded me with sympathy.
He must've really had it rough
I've never seen him cry even during PC streams
He was indirectly isolated and now the ones responsible apologized. Of course he'd get emotional
I get it
He must've been struggling this whole time
Just cry it out. It helps
You'd expect at least one person to tease me, but the viewers were united in comforting me. Maybe because of that, the knot that had formed in my heart loosened just a little.
"We really messed up."
"Yeah. We were too focused on the tournament and made a huge mistake."
"If Yeonju hadn't told us, this could've turned into something we couldn't fix."
After Pilgong left for individual training and turned off his stream, Fisher and Ponia remained behind, muttering.
Just as Pilgong had guessed, they had been contacted by Yeonju.
She told them that Pilgong, arguably the team's core strength, was struggling psychologically.
At first they didn't understand what she meant. But after hearing everything and looking at themselves, they finally realized she was right.
They thought they had grown close, but Pilgong hadn't been included in that closeness.
It was an absurd mistake. They had placed extreme pressure on him and left him there. Instead of easing that burden by fostering communication, they had done nothing.
They had simply left him alone.
I assumed he'd naturally get close since he's a veteran in the streaming world.
That was Ponia's misunderstanding.
The problem was that he had never streamed with capsule streamers before. Even so, there were opportunities to build bonds - but the coach had blocked those in the name of prioritizing the team.
"For the team."
"I never imagined it would turn out like this."
"At least we know now. The problem is there's not much time left… building relationships in that time will be hard…"
"Right. He just moved to capsules - this is the most important time for him to build connections…"
He probably joined the tournament largely for that reason. And yet they hadn't understood his situation at all.
If that wasn't a terrible thing to do, there was no other word for it.
"Ha…"
"What are we supposed to do about this…"
They had no idea how to fix the mess they had created.
"Tomorrow's finally the tournament."
After receiving their apology yesterday, today's scrims ended too. It was the last scrim, and since we were the final team, we gave it our all and proudly placed last again.
Because of the apology yesterday, we never got to discuss winning.
In the end, we followed the original strategy and lost every scrim. Now all that remained was tomorrow's tournament. Yet even after scrims ended, I couldn't bring myself to go to the waiting room.
Just like earlier, I hesitated.
After what happened yesterday, there's no way I can just walk in like nothing happened.
I didn't know what kind of face to show the coach and Ponia. So earlier, I avoided looking at the coach altogether and tried not to look at Ponia either.
On top of that, after receiving such an unexpected apology yesterday, even looking at the other team members felt strangely awkward.
Hyung, just go in already
Why are you zoning out here?
Probably embarrassed because of yesterday's apology
lol
The viewers saw right through my psychology.
I knew I had to face everyone eventually, but my feet wouldn't move.
Did my MBTI change from E to I?
In the past, something like this wouldn't have bothered me. But now, this situation felt oddly uncomfortable.
As I stood there sighing, someone spoke from behind me.
"Why aren't you going in?"
"Huh? Yeonju?"
It was Yeonju. She must've noticed me lingering outside.
"Haha. Thank you for yesterday. Because of you, the coach and team leader realized the situation and apologized to me."
"Hmm? Did I do something?"
She answered innocently, but I was sure she had done something, so I just smiled faintly.
Then she seemed to remember something and asked,
"By the way, Pilgong. Didn't you say you'd speak casually with me and the others?"
"Ah… right…"
Her sudden switch to casual speech startled me, but I remembered that conversation. We hadn't really talked properly since then, so I had forgotten.
We said we'd speak casually to build familiarity, but since we barely interacted, it naturally slipped my mind.
"Haha. Is it okay if I talk casually?"
"Hm? I don't mind."
She answered calmly and walked straight into the waiting room. Watching her back, I smiled again.
I may have felt left out… but it seems I wasn't the only one who wanted to get closer.
Just that fact alone gave me a little courage to enter the waiting room where everyone was. Maybe someone else wanted to get closer too.
And so I followed behind Yeonju into the waiting room.