Jules locked eyes with Lucian, her expression turning cold. Her gaze was fierce. Without giving him another second, she spun on her heel and stormed back through the crowd. Ambros reached out for her, but she swatted his hand away and disappeared into the back halls.
The dimly lit corridors flickered as she passed room after room, her steps unsteady, unsure where she was even going. Footsteps echoed behind her. When she turned, she felt his presence before she saw him.
Lucian stood directly in her path.
She glared at him.
"You don't get to come back here and look at me like this was inevitable."
"I never doubted you," Lucian said quietly.
"You doubted yourself enough to leave," Jules snapped.
He stepped back, taking in her confidence. His jaw tightened, his eyes dropping to the floor.
"I did it to—"
"To protect me?" she cut in sharply. "I think I did just fine without you, thank you."
Lucian dragged a hand through his hair and paced.
"You heard me that night," Jules snarled. "You heard what I said."
Of course he had. Those words had replayed in his mind every day for the past year.
"I will never forgive you."
Lucian exhaled and leaned against the wall.
Jules would never forget that night—begging him to stay, watching him refuse to meet her eyes as he left her behind. She had sworn to remember that pain.
"I am not the same girl you left a year ago, Lucian," she said, her voice like stone.
Lucian nodded.
"I know."
"Then you don't need to protect me. I am the Vicar now, Lucian."
Her words barely settled before she noticed others moving through the halls. This was too public. She seized Lucian's hand and dragged him outside, onto the snow-covered back balcony.
They stood in silence, staring in opposite directions. Lucian braced himself against the railing and pulled a cigarette from his pocket. Jules watched him.
"May I?" she asked casually.
Lucian frowned.
"You smoke now?"
She huffed as he retrieved another cigarette and handed it to her. Jules placed it between her lips and leaned in as he lit it. She inhaled, then turned back to him.
"I told you. I'm different."
Lucian wet his lips.
"I'd imagine Ambros had something to do with it," he muttered.
Jules snapped her head toward him.
"Why do you care?"
Lucian scoffed, backing away.
"Are you seriously asking me that?"
"Yes!" Jules said, louder than intended. She steadied herself. "Please explain why I had to put my life on pause because you left."
Lucian paced in tight circles, searching for words.
"You heard me beg," Jules said, her voice breaking. Tears welled in her eyes. "I looked pathetic."
Lucian's expression softened. He reached for her face, but she stepped back.
"This isn't fair," she whispered, wiping the red from beneath her eyes.
Lucian closed the distance, towering over her, and gently cupped her face, brushing away the scarlet tears.
"Jules, please—listen to me."
He was about to say more than he ever had in his life.
"I am sincerely sorry for hurting you," he said, the words tearing from his throat. "This is all I'll say. After this, we never have to speak of it again. I'll return home once I'm finished."
Jules bit the inside of her cheek.
"I loved you then.
I love you now.
I don't expect forgiveness."
Before she could respond, he was gone.
Jules stood frozen in the snow. She collapsed against the railing, burying her face in her hands. The door creaked open behind her.
Ambros stepped outside, hands in his pockets.
"You will always have a soft place for him," he said quietly, heartbreak heavy in his voice.
Jules shook her head.
"No."
"The sooner you accept it, the better," Ambros murmured, resting a hand on her back.
Back at the Cathedral, Jules sat on her bed in her nightgown, staring at the ceiling. She didn't leave her room all day. Lucian's words replayed endlessly in her mind. Questions gnawed at her—where had he been? Had he met someone else?
When the sun finally set, she rose and dressed in a red lace gown that cascaded down her back, cinched at the hips. She laced her boots and headed for the door.
Halfway down the staircase, she froze. Ambros stood below, forcing a smile. Jules returned it grimly before pushing through the doors, snow swirling inside.
She hadn't returned to Lucian's manor in over a year. Standing on the steps, she hesitated—but no matter what, she would have to face him.
Lucian looked up from his desk as she entered his office, startled.
"You shouldn't be here."
"I know," she replied sharply.
"Then why are you?"
A pause.
"You disappeared before I could decide whether you broke me or saved me."
Lucian took a breath.
"That wasn't a choice I could stay for."
"You don't get to confess something like that and vanish," she said, hurt lacing her voice.
Lucian stood, moving to lean against his desk.
"If I stayed, I would've crossed a line I couldn't uncross."
Her eyes softened.
"You already have."
She met his gaze.
"I think about you when I shouldn't. When I'm angry. When I'm fed. When I'm alone."
"Jules—"
"Let me finish."
She steadied herself.
"I don't know when it happened. I just know I stopped imagining a future without you in it."
Lucian bowed his head.
"I've watched everyone I love die," he said, struggling for control. "And you look at me like you're choosing me anyway."
"I am."
"That's what terrifies me."
He stepped closer, their noses nearly brushing. His breath ghosted over her skin as he fought not to touch her.
"You don't understand what you do to me," he said softly.
"I do," Jules smiled. "I just don't hate it, Regent."
Lucian stared at her, jaw clenched. He forced himself to step back.
"Say the word," he said, eyes on the floor. "And I'll let you walk away."
Jules traced her thumb along his sleeve, searching her memory for a life without him. She found nothing worth holding onto.
Lucian cupped her face and kissed her.
Her fingers tangled in his hair, breath hitching as his hand settled at her back. He leaned down to her ear.
"Stay."
It wasn't a command. It was a plea.
And for the first time, Lucian didn't care how it made him look.