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Translator: uly
Chapter: 2
Chapter Title: Heavenly Demon Divine Cult Double Agent
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I thought I'd seen every filthy sight life had to offer.
But I realized I'd only skimmed the surface of the world, like licking the outside of a watermelon.
Behold.
Isn't the real agony right here?
"Kuuh...!"
I endured the first day. Even sleeping was impossible; I could only lie there, breathing over and over.
I figured it would get better after a day passed. But when I woke from my shallow daze, I knew that hope was wrong.
By morning, I couldn't even scream. My fingers wouldn't twitch; all I could do was flick my tongue.
My throat was parched. Thirst clawed into every inch of my body.
Black sand filled my veins instead of blood, clogging my meridians and pathways, rotting me from the inside.
A reality where I couldn't even roll my eyes.
In that state, I relived seven days' worth of time.
Lying still changed nothing.
I had to move. I had to endure this pain and stand tall.
I had to.
...I must.
"......"
My will breaks.
In pain I can't overcome.
. . .
I dreamed.
My younger sister didn't appear. Neither did my parents.
I just stood in a white void. Looking around, no one was there.
So I stood still. Not knowing what to do, I just stood there.
Then I woke.
Pain crashed over me immediately after.
"Kuuh...!!"
A voice burst out. The air I couldn't hold back anymore was scorching hot.
Just groaning felt like every thorn imaginable stabbed into my tongue.
Something's wrong with my lungs. Was air always this stinging?
I can't breathe. Pain mixes between every exhale and inhale.
I'm dying.
Rotting alive.
Is death the only answer? I don't know. But instinct told me it was the closest path.
The way to escape this torment.
The way to flee this poison.
I waited for the Black-Clothed Person. For the one called First Demon to come and drive a blade into my heart.
Why won't time hurry?
Kill me.
Please...
Please, just kill me.
. . .
"Oppa."
"Yeah?"
"Can't you play with me today?"
My younger sister tugged my sleeve. I wanted to smile and say yes.
But I couldn't. If I held her hand and played, I wouldn't have food for after.
"...Later. Let's play later."
"When?"
"Later..."
Time would come, surely. Someday in life, I'd have the leisure to hold her hand and stroll the night streets.
"Let's play later, okay?"
"...Oppa."
The tugging on my sleeve fell away limply.
"When is 'later'?"
When?
I turned around.
Nothing was behind me.
"...Ah."
Dream and reality.
I thrashed in that hazy boundary. Blood trickled from my bitten tongue.
Where does the dream end and reality begin?
I don't know. It just hurts. I prayed for it all to end.
Heavenly Demon, take my life. First Demon, carve out my flesh.
I want to die. No. I want to live.
Younger sister. Where are you? Where am I?
"Welcome to Flower Shadow Gate."
Memories tangle.
Words I've heard surge up like vomit.
"You're too old to start anything new."
"You weren't born with it in the first place."
"Effort matters, sure... but doesn't a genius's effort yield more than a mortal's?"
"Loser."
"Young hero, if I may be so bold, wouldn't it be better to give up the sword?"
Memories tangle.
"Red Cloud. What a loser's name."
"Son. Your sister's dead."
"If you're a gatekeeper, just guard the damn gate."
"Son. You trying to starve us to death too?"
"Be grateful for the cult leader's grace."
Memories tangle.
"Red Cloud, no choice. Someone has to do it. If you're a Murim Alliance warrior... you should sacrifice for justice, right?"
"At least the pay's double. Don't worry; we'll send it all to your family."
"Never thought the recommended guy would be such a loser."
"Hey, new guy's gotta do initiation. I'll spit extra thick for you. Lick it all up."
"You think charging in makes you something?"
Memories...
"Red Cloud, sorry."
"Loser bastard. I know for sure. Guys like you will guard gates your whole life."
"Oppa, later when?"
"Put down the sword, young hero. It won't help."
"Son, give us money. You trying to starve your parents?"
Tangling into...
"Red Cloud."
"Loser."
"Young hero."
"Oppa."
"Son."
......
....
...
.
...I...
"Red Cloud."
...No.
"A dog who spent his life guarding others' gates."
You.
"Is that enough for you?"
---Are you satisfied with that?
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I gripped the floor. Pulled myself up.
Blood surged backward through my body. Something fell from my eyes. Black, murky blood.
It soaked my cheeks and pooled on the floor. Veins bulging on my skin throbbed like they might burst any second.
My heart stopped. My rotten blood no longer pumped.
But I thrashed desperately. Are you satisfied with that?
Satisfied with that, Red Cloud?
A life forever shrouded beneath the clouds.
A life spent serving others till the end.
Is that all you're content with?
---No!
"That's right. Exactly."
A voice that shouldn't be there echoes through crossing memories-the Heavenly Demon's.
I reach toward it.
I'm a dog. A dog that's licked others' asses its whole life.
I know. I know damn well I have no talent. That I wasn't born with anything.
So I rationalized it. Beat myself up that I couldn't do anything anyway, and drifted through life.
A mortal's sword.
A mortal's life.
A mortal's fate.
I vomited rotten blood onto it all. Slashed open everything I had and poured it out.
Ahh, yes! That's it! Damn it!
I'm a mortal! Born a mortal, nearly died one!
Happy with that?
---Sick of it!
But no. Not anymore. I got a chance.
Got a chance, so I have to move. Even if I want to die, I have to overcome.
I wanted to die my whole life.
So on the day I truly should die, shouldn't I live?
Paradoxically. Paradoxically!
I!
I truly!
"The sword..."
I always wanted to slash away my empty, pathetic life!
"The sword...!"
I gripped the wall. Fell once.
Still stood. Fell again.
Every fall, I spat blood. Illusions and reality assaulted me.
"Red Cloud."
Shut up!
"Young hero."
Shut up!
"Son."
Shut up!
"Loser."
All of you...
All of you, shut the hell up!!!
"Uwaaaaaagh...!!!"
The world squeezes me. I feel the backflowing rotten blood trying to force me to my knees.
But it doesn't matter. I'm a mortal. A mortal shedding its shell to become a beast.
I won't kneel. I stand and grab the door.
I walk.
Walk.
I have to walk.
Have to walk... to keep living...
"Oppa."
"......"
I turned around.
In the crossing illusions, I felt my younger sister watching me.
My sleeve tugged again. The force so weak, I doubted if it was real.
A tiny hand. A body shrunken dry.
Yet a whispering voice.
"It's okay. Go."
The one voice that was always my ally.
Always...
Always so kind.
I didn't answer it. I turned my eyes from my younger sister, who always clung to me.
Looked ahead.
Let the hand fall away untouched.
I... I, little sister...
Couldn't always cherish you. Deep down, I was selfish as hell.
I smiled even as I cried. Acted fine while my insides churned.
Little sister, when I heard you died, I thought the world collapsed.
But what hit me next wasn't grief.
I... I felt from your death...
---Relief.
"...Aah...!"
I howled like a beast.
Damn selfishness!
Damn mortal life!
I'm not worthy of anyone's cheers! I pretended to love you, but it was just because I had no choice.
I... I always...
---Wanted to live for myself.
"All of you... get lost..."
Survive.
I'll live.
Not for family.
Not for my sister.
For my selfish, hypocritical self.
To reach the Heavenly Demon who captivated me.
For the first time.
The first dream I've ever grasped myself.
"...I..."
If the pain's unbearable, laugh. If you can't step forward, crawl with your hands too.
Grin and cackle. If you can't move at all, lie to yourself.
It's okay.
It's okay.
Didn't I repeat that a thousand times?
"To... me..."
A mortal life filled with endurance despite being pushed around. A selfish life of self-deception.
So if you're gonna do it, keep whispering the lies.
Endure.
Do what you're best at.
"To... me...!"
Grab the sword, Red Cloud.
Clutch the escape from your boring, wretched life you've always dreamed of.
Walk with any face.
Walk and walk until you see the end with your own eyes...
"Give... me... the sword...!"
Then die.
Because I'm sick of just dreaming.
. . .
On the seventh night's exact hour, First Demon entered his room, sword in hand.
But the hand she'd raised to kill him with it froze. She stiffened at the sight of his back, sitting and scribbling something.
"...How?"
"You've come."
A slightly elated voice. He turned from his seat.
His impassive face twisted bit by bit as he moved. Yet he kept moving anyway.
"......"
First Demon pierced through that subtle wrongness. Still, she couldn't comprehend and asked.
"Right now... you're enduring the Heavenly Tribulation's agony?"
"Yes."
"H... how?"
"I'm used to enduring."
His twisted lips curved into a smile.
First Demon stepped back involuntarily at that ferocity.
The atmosphere had changed.
The man before her now...
Was he really the same one from days ago?
"I've endured my whole life. Can't I handle one pain like this?"
No.
No way.
First Demon had seen everyone who'd struggled for Heavenly Tribulation. She knew their ends too.
Countless warriors who'd stabbed themselves. Even famed masters among them.
The mentally toughest broke. Even the previous Eighth Demon hadn't thrown himself off a cliff after craving it?
It wasn't pain a mismatched human could endure. Not teeth a mortal could sink in.
Yet... still...
He's enduring it?
First Demon strode forward. Reached out. Forced open the man's mouth.
"...This."
His tongue was completely mangled. From enduring the pain so many times, even its shape was unrecognizable.
Was that all? First Demon saw what he'd been writing.
Simple characters. The word for "endure" written thickly in blood across the paper. Torn sheets piled high on the desk from repeated tries.
A self-imposed hypnosis. A mad act to distract his nerves by biting his tongue and scrawling words.
First Demon checked his torn clothes and thigh stripped of flesh. His body was a wreck. Hard to find an intact spot.
All of it probably...
From biting himself.
"You... what the hell are you..."
"I walked bearing Heavenly Tribulation, ate, and strolled the garden."
Red Cloud smiled brightly. He moved his ragged tongue to speak.
"Now teach me how to wield the sword."
Fierce.
First Demon let out a hollow laugh.
The man before her was born with nothing. Even holding a sword as a mortal, he'd never swung it properly.
But she had to admit it anyway.
"...Mad bastard."
His heart for the sword.
That venom alone couldn't be called mortal.
"I'll call a healer. Get treated."
"I want the sword..."
"Training comes after."
First Demon turned.
"Fix that mangled tongue first. The guy who swore to be the cult leader's dog can't wander around looking sloppy."
First Demon didn't know if he'd make a good dog.
But at least...
---She was certain he'd be a vicious one that bites and never lets go.