We gathered in the meeting room, waiting for the arrival of the Alexei family.
"To think you would agree to this matchmaking session," Lord Dustiness said, "I'm truly happy. Alexei's son is a wonderful man, and I know he'll treat you right,"
"How mean, father. Lalatina," Darkness began, still speaking in third person, "only said she'll consider the marriage. But I've already decided, it's too early for me to marry, so I'm going to make this into a matchmaking session of hell!" she cackled.
She seemed to have forgotten the reason she asked us to come.
Her father turned pale, so I stepped forward and spoke quietly into her ear.
"Be careful, my Lady. It isn't just your honour at stake here,"
She blinked, and looked around, before coughing with a red face.
"R-right. Thank you, Kazuma,"
Her father looked to me and nodded his appreciation.
"Please, Kazuma-san," he begged, "Even should this session fail, please prevent her from doing anything disgraceful in front of the other party. You will be rewarded for it,"
I nodded my understanding and he let out a sigh of relief.
By that time, the guests had arrived.
The young man I had seen in the photo, Alderp's son, was the first through the door, escorted by a maid, and followed closely by maids of his own.
His father was nowhere to be seen.
Fortunate; for him, at least.
I think I will keep Darkness. While she is revolting at times, she's a damn good tank, and if Yunyun joins, her lack of DPS won't be a problem.
"Just play along," I whispered to Darkness, "I've got an idea,"
She nodded subtly.
"Hello Lord Dustiness," the young man greeted formally, "and hello Lady Dustiness. Thank you very much for inviting me here,"
Darkness' father smiled, "The pleasure is mine Mr. Alexei. Please, have a seat," he said, waving at a chair opposite Darkness and himself.
"Please," he returned, "call me Walther,"
Man, what a pussy sounding name.
Small talk was exchanged, Darkness mostly keeping quiet, until her father excused himself and directed us to the meeting room, leaving the two to their own devices.
"Well then," Walther began as they took their seats, "let me introduce myself properly once more. I'm Alexei Barnes Walther, son of the Alexei family. My job is to assist my father in managing his territory,"
"And I am Dustiness Ford Lalatina. I don't think I need to introduce my family," Darkness returned.
Walther chuckled.
They began the small talk again, but quickly, you could see Darkness was becoming antsy.
"Are you alright? You look rather stressed," Walther, being the proper young man with no sense of boundaries he was, asked.
"Well," I interjected, "Lady Dustiness is a trained adventurer. I can tell you from experience that simplistic interactions like this can have you feeling a little… bored,"
Walther looked concerned at Darkness' thorough nodding.
"You are also trained in the sword, aren't you Lord Alexei?" I asked, "Perhaps you could have a spar then," I continued after his nod.
"Yes!" Darkness quickly asserted.
At her enthusiasm, Walther smiled, looking relieved.
"I wouldn't be against it," he said.
We moved as a group to a small arena within the house, Darkness leading the way. They each entered a changing room, one on either side, quickly redressing from their formal garb to something more suited to the nature of combat.
They each took a wooden practice sword, and moved to the middle of the arena, 10 metres apart and facing each other with determined expressions.
"You will fight until one party is incapacitated or they yield. Do both parties understand?" I exclaimed.
Walther looked hesitant.
"Lady Lalatina," he began, "I am a Knight. Even if this is just training, I can't point a sword at a lady,"
"What a gutless fool," Darkness said scathingly, "Kazuma right there," she continued, glancing at me, "claims to be an advocate of gender equality. He would not hesitate to use any tactic against men or women,"
Walther looked at me questioningly.
"Damn right I would. When you're out there, you fight to live. If you fight with 'honour', you're not fighting at your fullest potential. You're admitting that everyone important to you, who would grieve your death, aren't as important as your twisted sense of pride, less important than your honour,"
Walther looked at me still, now open-mouthed and speechless.
"I fight with everything so that I can come home to those important to me. Will you do the same?"
He had no answer.
"Begin!"
Darkness rushed him without hesitation.
Through what I assume was hard-wired instinct achieved through endless training, he reacted, blocking the sloppy sword strike, and retaliated with one of his own, hitting Darkness in the side of her waist.
He stopped, seemingly believing that his successful hit was sufficient to conclude the spar.
Darkness' next charge changed his mind.
They fought for another 10 minutes. Darkness, as expected, never landed a strike, while the bruises from Walther's numerous successful attacks peppered her skin.
"Enough!" he yelled, "The winner is obvious! So why do you keep fighting?"
I chuckled.
"You seem a little uncomfortable, Lord Alexei. Why have you stopped? The spar is not yet over," I asked him.
"But I've clearly beaten her!" he shouted, incredulous.
"And yet, she has yet to yield. Lady Dustiness, give me your sword,"
She handed it to me without hesitation, her face red and breathing heavy.
"Well?" I spoke to the still stationary noble, "Attack her!"
"But she's unarmed!" he returned.
"You're quite uncomfortable with this, aren't you? Think you could do this kind of thing for fun?"
"What? No!" he responded.
"Lady Dustiness, what would your ideal husband do in this situation?" I asked the obviously aroused woman.
"He would beat me until I couldn't move! And then… and then he'd take advantage of my body, doing whatever he wanted, even when I shout 'no'!" she exclaimed, face bright red.
I turned back to the gaping Alexei boy.
"Well? Will you take care of your future wife's wishes?" I asked, smirk breaking through the cracks.
"I… uh… I think I will formally reject this wedding proposal," he said, visibly uncomfortable, "It was a, uh, pleasure… meeting with you Lady Dustiness. I will now take my leave!" he finished, immediately scampering away.
I watched him leave, then turned to face Darkness and Aqua, face incredibly smug.
"Well, I think that went well,"
Aqua couldn't contain herself and began cackling.
"Kazuma," Darkness said, "You are a truly brilliant man,"
We left the Dustiness Ford residence shortly after.
Walther made his position known the Darkness' father, and left. Her father thanked me quietly for keeping his family's pride mostly intact, and promised a large sum of funds would be delivered to my residence shortly.
After some emotional 'take care of my baby' bullshit, we were let go, and we returned home.
We arrived at our mansion to find a snivelling Yunyun, and Megumin, hurriedly trying to console her, just inside the front door.
God, they're like siblings, one trying to help the other before mother gets home.
I looked at Megumin.
"It wasn't my fault!" she quickly claimed, "I didn't mean to make her cry!"
I rolled my eyes.
I stepped forward and put a hand on Yunyun's back, slowly rubbing it.
"You okay Yunyun? Want a drink or something?" I asked her.
"No," she croaked, before sniffling more, "I'm alright,"
"You sure?" a nod, "Alright. Go take a seat on the couch. You can relax here for a while. Take as long as you need. Aqua?"
Aqua nodded, and guided the young girl to a seat.
I opened my mouth to speak to a guilty looking Megumin, when the door was thrown open.
"Satou Kazuma! Is Satou Kazuma here?!" Sena yelled.
Can I catch a fucking break already?
"Oh my god! What do you want now?! Did more fucking frogs appear? Or do you want me to solve something else I didn't cause?!"
"It's Keele's Dungeon! What did you do to it?! A large number of mysterious monsters started flooding out of it!"
"What? We didn't do anything to the dungeon! Blaming me for that is bullshit!"
The three members of my party nodded, affirming my statement.
Sena, however, still looked suspicious.
"That may be so, but I heard that you were the last batch of people to enter that dungeon. Going by your track record, the chances that you people are not involved is rather-"
"What kind of twisted reasoning is that?!" I interrupted, "You're letting your personal bias influence you? There's no evidence of us doing anything, but you immediately assume it's us! Aren't you meant to uphold the law? Aren't you meant to be fair and just? Where's the fucking fairness?"
She stammered.
She took a breath, and bowed.
"You're right. I let my own opinions get in the way of what is right again, and for that, I sincerely apologise,"
She stood up again, "But this does make things difficult. I have no clue who or what could've caused this. I'll have to hire someone to investigate," she said, glancing between us.
Now she wants me to help her out? Fuck off.
"Sorry," I told her, "I'm a bit busy trying to clear suspicion for another crime I didn't commit,"
"Err… right,"
She made to leave, but I stopped her.
"What do the monsters look like?"
She turned within the doorframe and met my gaze.
"Witness reports say they vary in size, but are generally small, they're doll-like in shape, and wear black-and-white masks,"
Well fuck.
"Weird," I said, keeping the realisation from my face, "Wait, are these the ones that explode? I heard about them a few days ago, I think," I asked her.
"Yes," Sena confirmed, "They grab a hold of people, then explode,"
I made a face of distaste.
Sena nodded at my reaction, seemingly agreeing with the silent appraisal.
"If that is all, I will now take my leave," she said, before silently turning about-face and leaving the mansion.
With her gone, I quickly walked upstairs, keeping my gait casual enough as to not arouse suspicion from my party members, and made my way to a window.
I watched Sena intently as she left, walking back towards town, and once she was out of sight, I waited another five minutes.
Satisfied that she was now far enough away, I walked back downstairs.
"I'm going out!" I called into the house, the four women having disappeared from the entrance to more comfortable rooms, "I'll be back in less than an hour!" I told them.
"'Kay!" Aqua called back, "See you in a bit Kazuma!"
I left the house, and immediately ran for Keele's Dungeon.
The dolls streamed out of the entrance.
Fortunately, they were incredibly easy to stop. Even the weakest of attacks would make them detonate prematurely.
I took advantage of this as I slowly made my way into the dungeon. I had an orb of water I had created lead the way, which would flow out and stab at all the dolls that appeared, destroying them before they could even get close.
It took me a solid 15 minutes to make it to the final chamber, where Keele had once stayed.
However, instead of Keele, I faced someone new.
The man sat on the floor, but I could tell he was incredibly tall, easily in excess of 6 feet. He wore a neat three-piece black suit and had slick black hair poking out from behind the theatre-esque mask, one identical to what appeared on the dolls.
Speaking of dolls, one was steadily being created by the man.
He looked to me as I entered.
"Oh my," he began, his voice deep and rich, "Moi hadn't expected any adventurers to bypass my dolls so soon,"
I tilted my head, "They weren't too hard to get past, once you figure out the trick to 'em, Mr. Devil,"
He stood gracefully, and smiled.
"You know of moi?" he asked, looking at me closely.
"Ah!" he exclaimed in a sudden realisation, "Thou art one of them. Moi does ever so love thy type. So much glorious misery follows where ever thou goes," he stated gleefully.
I tilted my head in agreement, "And I certainly know do who you are. Vanir; a general of the Demon King army, and the Duke of Hell,"
He bowed dramatically, right hand over his heart, and left thrust into the air.
He returned to a standing position, "At your service," he said, his vicious tone barely disguised behind his formal speech.
"Vanir, you and I have mutual ally; one by the name of Wiz,"
His smile dropped, and he looked at me with a more serious expression.
At least, that's what it felt like. The man was wearing a mask, after all.
"And she has told me a great deal about you," I continued, "And I believe the skill at your disposal, along with the knowledge I possess, could lead to a great many things," I informed him confidently.
His smile started to return.
"So Vanir, I have a proposition for you: How would you like to rich beyond your wildest dreams?"
His smile was back in full force.
"My my," he said, "Do go on,"
Walking on the snow covered road, my party headed for that dungeon.
I had returned to the mansion to find that Yunyun had already left. I then convinced my party members that we would help with the dungeon 'for the good of the town'.
Sena quickly spotted us approaching.
She was surrounded by a large group of adventurers, and held a strange talisman on her hand.
"You decided to come?" she asked.
I nodded, "Yeah. This is affecting everyone, so we decided to help get rid of the threat,"
She looked at me, suspicion clear.
I rolled my eyes.
"Everyone includes us,"
She looked on for another moment, before nodding, satisfied with the answer.
Vanir's dolls continued to stream out from dungeon's entrance.
"I don't know what it is," Aqua began, "but looking at these dolls… I hate them,"
"Kazuma-san," Sena addressed, "We believe that there must be someone summoning all these dolls within the dungeon. Take this," she handed me the talisman, "and paste it onto the summoning circle. Regardless of how powerful it is, this will lock it, disabling it completely,"
That's OP.
"Alright. Megumin, have 'Explosion' ready, and Aqua, you wait out here and cover her. Darkness, you're with me," I directed.
"Right!" they chorused.
Darkness took the lead, and we began making out way into the dungeon, sponging the damage of any dolls I didn't manage to dispatch.
Another 20 or so adventurers decided to follow our lead into the depths.
"Kazuma look! I hit it, I hit it! Even I can hit these things!" Darkness cackled, great-sword sweeping horizontally and catching the dolls.
The dolls took the attack in stride, immediately retaliating with their spontaneous destruction in the form of a fiery explosion.
"H-hey! Wait up!" an adventurer called from behind.
Seems we were too efficient.
More dolls began appearing from side rooms, ambushing the adventurers behind us.
Eh, less for us to deal with.
We kept moving deeper.
"What is with this?" Darkness asked as we reached the final chamber of the dungeon, "This must be the creator of those dolls, right?"
Vanir sat like he had when I had first found him.
"Yeah. Look, you can see him making another one," I pointed out, drawing my sword.
Vanir 'noticed' us.
"What are you doing here?" Darkness asked, dropping into a combat stance, "If you're the one making the dolls, you must be the mastermind behind this fiasco, right?"
Vanir stood.
"Oh…" he began, "I didn't expect anyone to be able to reach here so quickly. Adventurers, welcome to my dungeon! Thou art correct, moi art the source and the origin of all evil! Moi art a general of the Demon King army, the Duke of Hell that commands the devils! The arch devil that could see through anything in the world, Vanir!"
He's so fucking melodramatic, my god.
Darkness tensed, and shifted uneasily.
"Darkness," I addressed quietly, "We can't handle this by ourselves. Let's get back top-side for backup,"
"What are you saying!?" Darkness exclaimed, "As a devotee of the Goddess Eris, how could I retreat in the face of a devil? Even if it kills me, I'll bring him down!"
"Oh, thou wish to defeat moi?" Vanir continued cockily, "Defeat Mr. Vanir who some say is stronger than the Demon King himself? You, girl who is worried that the man beside you saw your six pack when thou were naked in the shower. I couldn't fathom why art thou is so angry. Perhaps we could have a little fun, and relieve some of that aggression?"
"Wha… What nonsense are you spewing?" Darkness said, her face going red, "I-I don't have a six pack!"
Seriously? She's embarrassed by something so inconsequential? I do not understand this woman.
"First, although I am a general of the Demon King army, I am just maintaining the barrier of the castle because of his request, so I'm just a general in name. I am known to others as a devil. The greatest delicacy for a devil is the negative feelings produced by the hatred of human. In my mind, humans are the producer of delicacies, so I rarely perform stupid things such as killing or harming thou," Vanir explained.
"But to get these 'delicacies', wouldn't you have to harm humans?" I countered.
He laughed. "The negativities of humanity comes in many flavours and intensities. The taste of every devil is different and each have a differing preference. Some devil likes fear and despair, while others are like me, transforming into a great beauty to approach men, and after working hard to make the men fall for me, I will reveal my true form and say 'too bad, it's actually moi'. I will then taste their feeling as they cry tears of blood,"
I snorted as I tried to stifle a snicker.
"That's fucked up," I laughed, "but totally hilarious,"
Darkness ignored me.
"You said you didn't want to hurt anyone, so what's with these dolls? They kept spilling out from the dungeon and have been hurting adventurers and townsfolk," she questioned
"Hmm? Moi used these things to clear the dungeon of those pesky monsters. If they have made their way out of the dungeon, it means there are no more monsters inside the dungeon. It's time for moi to stop the mass production of dolls and begin the next phase,"
"The next phase?" I asked, "The hell are you scheming?"
"It's rude to call it scheming," Vanir returned with a frown, "I have a grand dream as a devil. I came to this place in order to fulfil that dream,"
"The dream of a devil can't be a good thing," I used aloud.
"For moi who had existed for near eternity," Vanir trailed off, "I have been harbouring the urge to go out with a bang for quite some time now. That is, to pass on elegantly after dining on the finest of negative emotions. And I have finally found the best idea," he said maliciously.
"First, I would obtain a dungeon. Now I will dispatch my evil minions to standby in each room, setting gruelling traps in each! Powerful, veteran adventurers will then come forth to challenge themselves! After surpassing the numerous challenges, someone will finally make it to my residence in the depths of the dungeon!" he said, his tone slowly climbing throughout the monologue, filling with anticipation.
"And waiting in the depths of the dungeon will of course, be moi! I will dramatically say 'It was impressive for you to make this far, adventurers! Come, great fortune awaits if you can defeat moi!' After my opening speech would be the final battle! After a fierce fight, the adventurers will finally defeat moi, then a treasure chest with heavy seals will appear behind my tattered body. As I start to lose consciousness, the adventurers who overcame immense hardship open that treasure chest before my eyes-!"
He was basically screaming by this point.
"And inside would be nothing!" he cackled, "Then my minions would seal them within the cave to die with me!"
His maniacal cackling continued as his plan was revealed.
"Kazuma, let's kill him now," Darkness requested.
"But you," he continued, voice dropping "You interrupted me,"
He glared at me.
"And you have an Arch Priest?"
"Wha- How do you know about Aqua?!" Darkness exclaimed.
"Then I think I'll head to the surface and slaughter everyone there, including the cursed Arch Priest,"
He look at Darkness, "And you look to be a suitably strong host!"
He lifted a hand to his face and pulled his mask from it, to reveal a complete lack of a face, just a smooth dirt mound where it should be.
He tossed the mask and his body immediately fell apart into piles of dirt.
His mask flew through the air like a Frisbee and struck Darkness in the face, immediately moulding itself over her features.
Vanir, within Darkness' body, laughed.
"I must admit, you're acting ability is superb Kazuma-san! And I must admit, I do like your word for yourself. 'Psychopath'," he said, rolling the word within her mouth.
I gave a tiny mock bow, "Ready to continue?"
He nodded her head, "Yes, I will restrain myself enough for her to spectate and periodically take control, as we agreed,"
"Oh, I got this, by the way. Should make it more convincing," I said, showing him the talisman, "Alright, now do it,"
He nodded once more.
"Darkness?! What happened?!" I yelled
Vanir cackled, "Listen up kid! This special power of moi-"
"What should I do Kazuma? My body has been taken over!"
"How about it kid, if thou dare attack this girl-"
"I don't mind! Don't hold back, attack as you wish!"
I hesitantly lowered my sword.
"Huh? The fuck is going on here?" I said.
"How could this be, what is with this-" "Beautiful," "woman…?! Damn it, don't sneak in words and play mess around! This girl's mental tenacity is too strong," Vanir observed with frustration.
"I'm an excellent role model of a crusader!" Darkness commented.
"Shut up!" Vanir screamed, "To resist moi control, thou art a formidable opponent!"
"Not, not really…"
"But if you keep on resisting my control, thou shall suffer horrible pains!"
"Wha- what did you say?!"
"Fuhaha! Let's see how long you can resist!"
"I… I won't give in to this pain…!"
"Thou has respectable courage! But enduring it any longer will cause thou to break down mentally…"
He trailed off.
"Could it be, thou is enjoying this?"
I took his moment of confusion, and slapped the talisman onto his head, locking him within Darkness.
He staggered back from the slap, and started prodding at the seal.
"What is this?! I can't touch it! My fingers are just repelled!"
"Darkness!" I yelled at the woman, "Keep Vanir inside your body, and we'll get to the surface for Aqua to purify him away!"
She didn't resist as I started pushing her out the room and up the stairs towards the dungeon's entrance.
"Brat! This girl is suffering tremendous pain as she resist moi control! If this goes on, she will suffer mental trauma! It is in your best interest to tear off the talisman and let moi go! Or else…" he said, leaving the threat in the air.
"It's true Kazuma! I have been feeling something terrible… very terrible! Ahhh, this is the first time I felt something so intense, as expected of a general of the Demon King army! I can't take it anymore!" Darkness confirmed.
After a few minutes, we passed the adventurers we had left behind, near the entrance to the dungeon.
"Nearly there Darkness! Keep it up for just a bit longer!"
And then, Vanir started laughing again.
"You fool! I had been holding back! Now I can go kill that stupid Arch Priest without any problem!" He yelled, and immediately ran for the exit with a speed that bellied Darkness' heavy armour.
He leapt into the daylight.
"'Sacred Exorcism'!" Aqua chanted.
Vanir was engulfed in brilliant white flames and fell to the floor, as he screamed from within Darkness' body.
"Darkness has been possessed! She's being controlled by a Devil!"
His screams slowly dissipated into maniacal laughter and he pushed himself onto his knees.
"Greetings, cursed priest that shares the same name as that notorious goddess of water! I am Vanir! Duke of hell, one of the general of the Demon King army, Arch Devil Vanir!" he said as he stood and posed dramatically.
"Not bad," he continued "Greeting me with exorcism magic without hesitation! That's the reason why the infamous Axis devotees are shunned by all! Does thou not know basic courtesy?" he cackled.
"Courtesy to a devil? Are you crazy? Devils very existence is an affront to the gods! A parasite that feeds off human suffering!"
"'Sacred High Exorcism'!" Aqua chanted.
"Naïve!" Vanir shouted, easily dodging the spell.
"Adventurers!" I shouted, "We have to slow him down so he can be exorcised!" I commanded, drawing my sword, and leaping into combat with the devil.
Due to our levels, we were able to conduct a believable fight without endangering each other in the slightest.
The adventurers took over and I immediately went to Sena and Megumin.
"That's Vanir!" Sena said with panic, "What's he doing here in a beginner town?!"
"Sena," I said quickly, "I used the talisman to seal the general in Darkness' body for the time being. Megumin, we need a way to destroy him, so get you're 'Explosion' ready,"
"Right,"
When I turned back, Vanir had disabled the last adventurer.
"'Sacred High Exorcism'!" Aqua chanted once more.
Vanir dodged again.
"Wait!" Sena cried, "Darkness is a Crusader! They have a huge resistance to hostile Holy Magic! You need to break the seal if you want to destroy him,"
I nodded, "Got it,"
I reapproached Vanir.
"You're trying again? Oh, I see, you wish to break the seal to overrider this Crusader's Holy resistance.
"Ah!" Darkness cried, seeing me raise my palm, "It's Kazuma's trump card; 'Steal'"
"Why would you give it away, you idiot?!"
Vanir laughed again, "The basic 'Steal' skill? You can certainly try,"
I leapt forward, and instead of using 'Steal', I summoned fire within my palm, and directed it to the talisman.
The flames quickly caught, and the seal burnt away.
"To think," Vanir cackled, "that you could out-wit moi; the devil of foresight! Brilliant!"
"Darkness! Quick! Take back control and tear off the mask!"
She reached up and put her hands on the mask and pushed.
"I can't!" she returned, "It's stuck on!"
"Now why would I give up such a useful vessel?" Vanir asked gleefully.
"Then I give you my ultimatum. Separate from Darkness to be purified, or be wiped from existence with 'Explosion'" I said.
"I'm not going anywhere," he returned viciously.
"Do it Kazuma!" Darkness screamed.
I looked her in the eye.
"I'm sorry Darkness," I turned, "Megumin!"
"'Explosion'!"