The smell of burning gamer was hard to wash off.
Timmy scrubbed his hands in the horse trough behind the Blacksmith's shop. The water was grimy, but it was better than smelling like a fast-food fryer accident.
He checked his surroundings. No players. Just a stray dog with a glitched tail that vibrated through the fence.
"Status," Timmy whispered.
[Name: Timmy Rubel]
[Level: 3]
[Class: Errand Boy (Glitch)]
[Stat Points Available: 5]
Timmy stared at the glowing blue screen. Five points. In his past life, Renji would have spent hours calculating the optimal build. He would have checked the spreadsheets, the Discord servers, and the damage-per-second graphs.
But Timmy wasn't building for DPS. He was building for chaos.
He dumped three points into Intelligence and two into Luck.
A shiver ran down his spine. The world suddenly looked... sharper.
The blurry texture on the wooden fence resolved into wood grain. More importantly, faint strings of code began to overlay the objects around him. Above the horse trough, a small tag appeared: [Object_ID: 4402 - Water_Source_Static].
He looked at the stray dog.
[Mob_ID: 009 - Village Mutt. Behavior: Passive. Loot: None.]
Timmy grinned. High Intelligence didn't make him smarter—he was already a genius—but it let him see the Matrix. He could see the tags. And if he could see the tags, he could see what was broken.
He opened his inventory.
The [Charred Staff of the Novice] sat in his bag. It was a useless piece of junk. Zero magic power, 1/20 durability. A normal shopkeeper wouldn't even buy it. They'd tell him to throw it in the trash.
But Renji remembered something.
A specific patch note from three years ago. Patch 1.04: Fixed a bug where the tavern NPC 'Bella' would accidentally purchase player trash for the price of a quest item.
This was Version 1.0. The bug was still here.
Timmy adjusted his tunic, messed up his hair to look extra pathetic, and marched toward the "The Rusty Tankard."
The tavern was a sensory nightmare.
It was packed with at least forty players. Some were dancing on the tables. Others were jumping up and down in the corner to train their Acrobatics skill. The chat log floating above their heads was a waterfall of nonsense.
xX_Sephiroth_Xx: "BUYING GF 10G"
NoobSlayer69: "Where is the weapon shop???"
Mage_Girl_01: "Anyone want to ERP in the cellar? ;)"
Timmy pushed through the crowd. A heavy Orc player stepped on his foot.
"Watch it, NPC," the Orc grunted.
Timmy didn't respond. He had his eyes on the prize.
Bella the Barmaid was behind the counter, wiping a mug with a rag that looked suspiciously like a dirty sock. She was the "Fan Service" NPC of the starter village—unnecessarily ample curves, a low-cut blouse, and a programmed giggle that triggered every 15 seconds.
Timmy approached the bar. He was too short to see over it, so he had to stand on the brass foot rail.
[Script Triggered: Interaction]
"Well hello there, little Timmy!" Bella beamed down at him. "Are you looking for your papa? Or maybe a glass of warm milk?"
Timmy's internal monologue retched. I'm looking for financial domination, you polygon bimbo.
"No, Miss Bella!" Timmy chirped, his voice reaching a pitch that could shatter glass. "I found this... stick! Outside! It looks valuable! Maybe a wealthy adventurer left it?"
He held up the blackened, burnt remains of the Priest's staff.
Bella blinked. Her AI was trying to process the item.
Normally, she only sold drinks. But because she was part of the "Rumor System"—where players could buy info on quests—her trade window was coded differently. It didn't check for "Merchant" tags. It checked for "Quest Item" tags.
And because the staff had been destroyed by a "System Anomaly" (the grease fire), its Item ID had corrupted.
Bella's eyes glazed over. "Oh! That looks... very special! Is it an artifact?"
It's literally charcoal, Timmy thought.
"Yes!" Timmy nodded vigorously. "It is the... Wand of Ash! I will trade it to you!"
He shoved the staff into the trade window.
Bella smiled. "Well, aren't you a sweet boy. I'll take it for the museum collection!"
She accepted the trade.
[System Notification]
Transaction Complete.
Sold: [Charred Staff] (Corrupted ID).
Received: 5 Gold Coins.
Timmy nearly fell off the rail.
Five Gold.
To put that in perspective: A level 1 rat dropped 1 copper. 100 copper made 1 silver. 100 silver made 1 gold.
Timmy had just made the equivalent of killing fifty thousand rats. He was, statistically speaking, the richest person in Greenhollow. He had more money than the Mayor.
"Here you go, sweetie!" Bella handed him five heavy, shining gold coins. "Don't spend it all on candy!"
Timmy shoved the coins into his inventory so fast his hand blurred. "Thank you, Miss Bella! I love candy!"
He hopped down from the bar, his heart pounding against his ribs.
I'm rich, he thought. I'm filthy, stinking rich. I can buy the village. I can buy a mercenary army. I can buy...
He froze.
Standing near the tavern door was a player. But not just any player.
This player was wearing a full set of [Iron Plate] armor. His name was Sir_Lancelot_Du_Lac. And unlike the other idiots jumping on tables, he was standing perfectly still, watching Timmy.
Timmy's "High INT" vision flared.
[Player: Sir_Lancelot_Du_Lac]
[Level: 10]
[Guild: The Roundtable]
[Status: Beta Tester]
A Beta Tester.
Timmy's blood ran cold. Beta Testers knew the game inside out. They knew the exploits. They knew the lore. And Lancelot was staring right at the spot where Timmy had just sold a piece of trash for a kingdom's ransom.
Timmy immediately went into "Dumb NPC Mode." He started skipping.
"La la la! A gold coin! A shiny coin!" Timmy sang, skipping toward the door. "I'm going to buy a pony!"
Lancelot stepped in front of him, blocking the exit. The knight was huge, his armor scratching against the doorframe.
"Hold on, kid," Lancelot said. His voice was deep, likely using a voice modulator. "I just saw you trade with the Barmaid. NPCs don't trade loot with NPCs."
Timmy stopped skipping. He looked up at the knight with wide, watery anime eyes.
"I found a stick!" Timmy squeaked. "Miss Bella gave me shiny coins! Are you a knight? Do you like sticks?"
Lancelot narrowed his eyes behind his helmet. "Drop the coins, kid. Let me see them."
Timmy's mind raced. He wants to check if they're real. If he sees I have 5 Gold, he'll know the game is broken. He'll report it. The devs will patch Bella. My infinite money glitch will die.
He couldn't show the gold.
"No!" Timmy shouted, clutching his tunic. "It's my pony money! Stranger danger! STRANGER DANGER!"
He screamed it at the top of his lungs.
The tavern went silent. The music seemed to stop. Forty players turned to look at the massive, armored knight cornering a small, crying boy.
"Whoa," said a random Rogue. "Is that guy robbing the kid?"
"Not cool, bro," said the Orc.
Lancelot panicked. "What? No! I'm just investigating a bug! The NPC is acting weird!"
"He's trying to steal my pony!" Timmy wailed, pointing an accusing finger. "He said he was going to take my money and buy... buy... crypto!"
The tavern exploded.
"BOOO!"
"Griefer!"
"Get him!"
The mob mentality of an MMO is a terrifying force of nature. Players didn't need a reason to fight; they just needed an excuse. And Lancelot, with his shiny, expensive-looking armor, was the perfect target for a room full of jealous noobs.
"Get the whale!" someone shouted.
A firebolt flew across the room and hit Lancelot in the chest.
"Wait, you idiots!" Lancelot shouted, drawing his sword. "He's glitching! The kid is—"
He was cut off as the Orc tackled him through a table.
CRASH.
Timmy didn't stick around to watch the brawl. He dove under the legs of a screaming Bard, scrambled past a pile of broken chairs, and burst out the front door into the fresh air.
He sprinted down the street, ducking into an alleyway between the bakery and the library. He leaned against the brick wall, gasping for breath.
[System Notification]
Reputation Change: "Greenhollow Village" likes you more.
Reason: Publicly shaming a "Pay-to-Win" player.
Timmy smirked. He checked his inventory again. The 5 Gold was still there. Safe.
Now, what to spend it on?
He couldn't buy weapons—his class restricted him to "Tools." He couldn't buy armor—it wouldn't show over his NPC outfit.
He needed something that didn't require him to wield it. Something that did the work for him.
He opened the "Global Shop" interface. Normally, NPCs couldn't access this. But Timmy had found that if he squinted really hard at the "General Store" sign while thinking about capitalism, the menu popped up.
He filtered by [Consumables].
He filtered by [Illegal in Safe Zones].
There it was.
[Vial of Concentrated Pheromones (Wolf)]
Effect: Attracts all canine beasts within a 1-mile radius.
Warning: Do NOT use indoors. Do NOT use if you are made of meat.
Cost: 1 Gold.
Timmy bought three.
A small package materialized in his hands. Three glass vials filled with a glowing red liquid that swirled angrily.
"Phase Two," Timmy whispered to the empty alley.
Phase One was the Bridge. That was petty theft.
Phase Two was going to be domestic terrorism.
He looked toward the Village Square, where players were currently respawning in flashes of blue light. They felt safe there. The Square was a "Safe Zone." Monsters couldn't enter the town boundaries. The invisible wall kept them out.
But, Timmy thought, examining the code of the vial with his high INT, the invisible wall checks for 'Aggressive Intent.' It doesn't check for 'Love.'
If he doused the spawn point in mating pheromones, the wolves wouldn't be attacking. They would be... courting.
And the System couldn't stop love.
Timmy pocketed the vials. He needed to wait for nightfall.
Just then, a global announcement flashed across the sky in gold text, visible to everyone in the server.
[SERVER ANNOUNCEMENT]
Congratulations to Player Lancelot_Du_Lac for unlocking the Achievement: [Child Bully]!
Timmy snorted. Sorry, Lance. Nothing personal. Just business.
He whistled a happy tune and walked toward the center of town. He had a date with a fountain, three vials of wolf perfume, and a few hundred unsuspecting victims.
The tutorial was about to get a difficulty tweak.