Zanpakuto.
They are one of the primary pillars responsible for the massive success of the series, yet they are also the main culprit behind turning combat into 'mouth-fighting'—a contest of who can pull off the biggest bullshit bluff.
To be honest, when I first reincarnated here, the very first thing I thought of was a Zanpakuto.
'Ah, I wonder what my Zanpakuto will be? What kind of ability will I use to fight...?' That sort of thing.
Come on, everyone thinks about it. Like, if I ended up inside this world, what kind of powers would I have?
Of course, that was back then. I don't particularly care now.
In the first place, regardless of what ability manifested, I didn't think it would be particularly helpful.
In the time it takes to wave a sword around, it's much faster to just run up and throw a single punch.
Though it's a bit hypocritical coming from the head of a dojo that teaches Zanjutsu, weapons like swords or spears are practically limiters for me.
Because no weapon can withstand my full power, I always have to adjust my strength accordingly.
Not according to my own limits, mind you, but according to the weapon's.
If we're talking game terms, it's like a character with maxed-out Strength stats trying to use a Dexterity-based technical weapon. It's inefficient.
Or at least, it was....
But the situation changed after Genryusai reached an agreement with the Zero Division—specifically Nimaiya Oetsu—to distribute Asauchi to the members and recruits of the 13 Court Guard Squads.
—Did you succeed in your Shikai?
—Shikai my ass.... It won't even answer me lately.
—What did you do to make it ignore you? Did you screw up?
—Sigh.... Ever since I missed a day of polishing it with oilcloth because of training, it's been sulking. No matter how much I call out, it won't say a word....
—Can't be helped. You'll have to skip the next training session and spend the whole day maintaining it. What else can you do?
Even if it was for the sake of increasing the combat power of the 13 Court Guard Squads, ever since every Tom, Dick, and Harry in the squads started carrying a Zanpakuto, it's been like this.
Even though I clearly told them that Zanjutsu and Zanpakuto training are two completely different things.... I suppose it's an inevitable trend.
In that case, there's no need to be a stubborn mule and stick only to the old ways.
It is always people who change the eras. And since that's the case, utilizing that flow is also something humans can do.
'I'll conduct Zanjutsu training and Zanpakuto training in parallel.'
That's why I've invaded the Soul King Palace once again—to create a Zanpakuto, or more accurately, an Asauchi that suits me.
This time, I took a quick detour to the Human Realm in Japan to buy Wagashi and tea leaves as gifts.
When you're the one asking for a favor, nothing is more shameless than just saying 'Do it for me' empty-handed.
"SO.... YOU want ME to personally create a Zanpakuto for YOU?"
Despite happily accepting the gifts, Nimaiya, the man who would actually forge the blade, wore a reluctant expression the moment he heard my request.
"I know a Zanpakuto isn't something that can just be made upon request."
The form and ability of a Zanpakuto are determined by the Soul Reaper themselves.
Therefore, asking someone to 'make' a Zanpakuto is technically contradictory.
At my response, Nimaiya grinned with an 'Oh-ho, look at this' expression.
"I was gonna say 'GET OUT!' if you didn't even know that much.... Lucky for YOU~"
This bastard's way of talking gets more annoying by the day.
This is why I don't like coming here. Just listening to him drains my energy.
I let out a deep sigh, shook my head, and answered.
"How could I not know?"
"Uh, because YOU haven't used a sword even once until now. If you came here thinking an Asauchi—a Zanpakuto—was just some handy tool.... I was planning to send you packing. I can't hand over my cute blades to a guy like that."
"For someone who says that, you're distributing them to every squad member in the Seireitei."
"HAHA! That was because of the CONTRACT! It breaks my heart to hand my blades over to people whose faces I don't even know, BUT I can't just keep clutching the KIDS who want to head out, can I?"
He let out a fake sob, pouted his lips, and made a pose as if he were hugging something into his chest....
Oh, God, my eyes. I sighed and massaged my eyelids with both palms.
"Why are you only being strict with me, you bastard?"
"BECAUSE!! YOU asked ME to personally forge an ASAUCHI for YOU!!"
"...Huh? Wait a second, are you saying the Asauchi made so far weren't made by you?"
"NONONO, a blade mass-produced like it's coming off a press is totally different from a blade forged with every ounce of SOUL and PASSION! Besides, what YOU ordered is a completely SPECIAL masterpiece, distinguished from those of the fledglings! If so, don't you think there should be a minimum QUALIFICATION, SIR!?"
His dizzying manner of speech caused a bit of buffering in my brain, but the conclusion was clear: he was going to test whether I was worthy of a blade he forged personally.
Usually, when faced with this situation, some might react with 'Who are you to test me?', but I actually welcomed it.
It meant that even after hundreds of thousands of years, Nimaiya's essence as a swordsmith and a craftsman hadn't changed.
As I nodded with a smile, Nimaiya suddenly leaped to his feet and shouted.
"QUESTION!! What does a SWORD mean to YOU!?"
I could have given him the answer he wanted, but that would be no different from lying to myself.
In that case, my answer was already decided.
"A tool. A useful tool that can be used in various ways. However, for me, it's something so fragile that I find myself being careful every time I use it."
At those words, Nimaiya asked in a serious tone, devoid of his usual antics.
"Why? If you think of it as a mere tool, can't you just use it and discard it when it breaks? Is there a need to be careful?"
"Well, is there a reason needed to cherish one's own belongings? If I had to give one, it's because a tool you've grown accustomed to is simply better."
Of course, there was another reason.
"People change, but objects—while they may break—do not change their nature. So, if you manage them well so they don't break, an old geezer like me gains a lifelong friend."
Though it's a bit ridiculous to call an object a friend.
With a smirk, I lightly fluttered the Iromonzuki Hakama that Shiryu had gifted me 900,000 years ago, made by Senjumaru Shutara.
It looked worn due to the passage of time, but there were no frayed edges or holes; it was perfectly wearable.
I had put it through some rough use, but I had maintained it well.
"Hmm.... Hmmm-mmmm.... Hmm? Hmmm."
Nimaiya groaned with his arms crossed before finally nodding. He burst into his characteristic toothy grin and shouted.
"GOOD! Qualification JUDGED as SUFFICIENT! I, ME, will personally forge YOUR blade!"
"Preferably, make it sturdy enough that it'll stay intact even when I use it. It'll hurt my heart if it shatters after a few swings."
"Wait, isn't that a bit TOO shameless? A sword that can withstand YOUR power is IMPOSSIBLE!"
"If you just put a space and an apostrophe in there, it becomes 'I'm possible.' Are you giving up because it's hard? Why is the great God of the Sword, Nimaiya Oetsu, making so many excuses? You lacking confidence?"
"HO! Is that a PROVOCATION!? Fine! It's been a while since I've felt this FIRE!! FOLLOW ME!"
Following the noisy, shouting Nimaiya, we arrived at a small, weathered shack built on the edge of a cliff—the same place I had visited to create Hell.
"This place hasn't changed a bit."
Feeling a sense of nostalgia, I smiled at the shack. Nimaiya grinned back.
"Of course. What you're used to, what your body remembers, is BEST!"
"So, I just go in there now?"
"YES, have a good TRIP!"
Leaving behind the waving Nimaiya, I stepped into the shack which bore a sign reading 'Houou-den.'
The floor dropped away, revealing a vast space that was impossible to imagine fitting inside that tiny hut.
Soon after, a swarm of pure white Asauchi appeared from head to toe.
In the original story, they attacked while drooling from mouths where eyes should be, but these ones just stood there, staring at me blankly.
In the original, they must have been angry because they were visited by people whose Zanpakuto had broken.
From their perspective, it was like someone who caused the death of their kin coming and saying, 'Join my side.'
On the other hand, I was just here to ask, 'Who wants to come with me?' So there was nothing for them to do but watch with curiosity.
This makes the choice harder. I can only take one from this massive crowd.
Hmm. Let's think about it differently.
What if I let them choose, rather than me choosing them?
"All of you, come over here and take a seat. Let's have a little chat."
"?"
As I sat down and patted the floor, everyone—including Nimaiya and the surrounding Asauchi—stared at me in a daze.
"What are you staring at? When an elder speaks, you should come over and sit down."
Beginning with the hesitant Asauchi sitting around me, I began to tell the story of my life.
"Listen up for a moment."
It was a condensed life story spanning a long, long 990,000 years.
I'm only taking whoever can endure this.