Zaraki Kenpachi left the dojo as soon as he opened his eyes.
He didn't say a word to anyone; he just quietly packed his sword and walked out.
It probably wasn't because his pride was wounded.
Zaraki is the type of bastard who values strength and combat far more than petty pride.
He likely thought about getting stronger, but the conclusion he reached wasn't 'training'—it was 'real battle.'
It's a shame, but only to that extent. I didn't expect much from the start, so I wasn't particularly disappointed.
If you tell a lion you'll give it food and an opponent if it just stays in a cage, do you think it would just walk in obediently?
Yeah, this is how it should be.
Of course, Unohana, who had lived a wandering life similar to Zaraki's, was worried sick.
"Is it truly alright to let him go like this?"
"It's fine. No problem. He might have a rough first impression, but he's surprisingly sharp. He knows how to read a situation. If some weakling challenges him, he'll probably just rough them up and toss them aside."
"If that is the case, then I suppose it is fine... No, it isn't. It is foolish of me to try and hold onto a child who left of his own volition. I only hope that if we cross paths again someday, it will be a pleasant meeting."
Unohana spoke as if she had cleared her mind, but to my eyes, she looked deeply regretful.
Perhaps it started as a sense of kinship or pity, but at some point, it had morphed into maternal instinct.
You might ask how she could feel maternal after barely a day, but this is entirely plausible.
Ever since she married me, Unohana hasn't been able to conceive a single child. The accumulation of that void likely made her more susceptible to such feelings.
"...Right."
Of course, this isn't Unohana's problem. If there's a problem, it's on my end.
Just to be clear, it's not like I have a zero sperm count. I'm certain of that.
Because every time we have sex, I can feel a new cluster of Spiritual Power gathering inside Unohana.
Yeah, it means fertilization and even implantation are always successful.
But that state never lasts long.
The zygote, which was frantically absorbing Spiritual Power one moment, suddenly scatters into Spirit Particles and vanishes the next.
Unohana doesn't seem to have noticed yet, but I can feel that horrific, agonizing sensation vividly.
The sensation of something that could have become a life, something that could have been my child, dissolving away like dust.
"Then, I have a meeting to attend, so I shall be going now. Good luck with your day, my dear."
Mwah. I smiled at the light warmth on my cheek and kissed Unohana's forehead, seeing her off to her meeting.
Watching her quietly from a distance, I saw her stop to look at the sky for a moment before letting out a deep sigh and stroking her stomach.
"...."
I stared at her back for a while longer. Only when she disappeared from view did I let out a sigh of my own and lean against the dojo door.
"...Was I being too complacent?"
I cannot have children.
To be precise, it feels more like this world refuses to allow me to create an offspring.
Dealing with you alone is a burden; you think I'll allow one more? Don't make me laugh. Permission denied.
If the will of the world were scaled down to a human's level of understanding, it would probably feel like that.
"Fate, huh."
Well, it's not like I haven't tried all this time. Of course I did.
Responding to Unohana every night when she sneaks in for yobai is proof enough.
Even with a body that doesn't need sleep and possesses inexhaustible stamina, getting drained every night takes its toll.
Even worse, feeling a barely implanted zygote scatter into Spirit Particles makes the mental fatigue a hundred times worse.
No, 'mental fatigue' is just a pretty way to phrase it... In reality, it's an agonizing ordeal that's hard to bear without such sugarcoating.
Even if it's just a cluster of cells that can't even be called a child yet, the fact that something capable of becoming a child vanishes because of my existence is a source of indescribable misery.
For a man who once avoided love for fear of the eventual parting, the fact that I continue to engage in this, despite experiencing the loss of a potential child almost every month, shows just how much effort I'm putting in.
It was painfully difficult and miserable, but I decided to accept it all. I didn't just accept it; I decided to try harder.
It'll happen someday. It'll work out eventually. I decided to stop gritting my teeth and just waiting.
"I guess I've gone soft after staying quiet for so long."
The will of the world? Fate? When the hell have I ever given a damn about things like that?
I have always obtained what I wanted through my own will and achieved my goals by my own design.
That is how I've lived for a million years. That has been my life, and that is who I am.
If this world doesn't want my child...
"Let's see who wins."
Bring it on, world.
Let's see who comes out on top.
From that day on, I didn't just stop at having sex; I began my own research.
I examined everything from the flow of Spirit Particles to the current of Spiritual Power, and even the very structure of the Spirit Particles that compose this world.
Of course, I didn't forget my nightly duties with Unohana.
And then, I experimented with my findings on Unohana and our potential child.
It sounds like an experiment, but in reality, it mostly involved stroking her belly or holding her for an hour straight, using my power to tether the zygote in her womb so it wouldn't disappear.
The first attempt failed. I realized the Spirit Particles weren't just scattering; they were being deleted.
Where do the deleted particles go? Where do the scattered ones go? What happens if I draw in even more Spirit Particles the moment they start to vanish?
"You've looked very tired lately... Dear, are you actually sleeping at all?"
I gave a small smirk and nodded at the increasingly frequent questions about my sleep.
"I'm sleeping fine. Well, I've been a bit short on sleep recently, but that's all."
Of course, I didn't say a word to Unohana.
I didn't want to burden her with the pain of losing a child.
The failures continued.
But the time the zygote remained inside Unohana grew longer and longer.
Self-loathing and sorrow piled up within me, threatening to crush me, but I stood tall and faced them head-on.
I continued this endless refinement and study for three hundred years.
"Ah... Hu-husband...! Darling!!"
Unohana's period stopped.
"Hahaha! Hahahaha!"
I won. Take that, you bastard fate. Shove it up your ass. A victory for humanity.
I held Unohana tight and laughed for a long time before promptly blacking out. It was my first sleep in a staggering three hundred years.
That first sleep in three centuries lasted for an entire week.
By the time I woke up, the news that Unohana and I were expecting had already spread across the entire Soul Society.
Scratching my head, which throbbed from sleeping too long, I walked outside and was instantly shocked.
The entire house was overflowing with gifts. There were so many boxes that at first, I thought the house had been turned into a parcel delivery hub.
"Why the hell are there wooden crates stacked up to the ceiling..."
I knew they were gifts, but there's a limit. How could this many gifts accumulate in just one week?
As I massaged my tired eyelids with my thumb and index finger, I felt a presence approaching from behind.
For a split second, I was confused because there were two presences, but it didn't take long for me to realize they were Unohana and my child inside her belly.
"Yachiru."
"You're awake."
Huh. Wait. Why isn't the atmosphere what I expected?
Usually, this is the part where we celebrate being pregnant together.
I tried to pull Unohana into a hug, but her expression was colder than I'd ever seen it, and I awkwardly scratched my head.
"Um... is something wrong?"
"Is something wrong? Yes, there is. Something that makes me truly furious."
In that moment, I realized.
I'm busted.
Well, honestly, it would have been more surprising if she didn't* notice.
After being so overjoyed, I just suddenly collapsed as if I had narcolepsy and slept for a straight week.
"Why did you suffer through all that alone?"
"It wasn't your fault. I just didn't want to see you in pain."
Since I was caught anyway, I just confessed the truth.
Unohana bit her lip and glared at me before closing her eyes tightly.
"Did I look like such a weak woman to you?"
"That's not it. What husband would want to see his wife suffering?"
"And what kind of wife wants to see her husband suffering!?"
Her words made me freeze.
Unohana, her eyes welling with tears, stepped closer and pounded on my chest.
"The reason I wanted a child so badly... was because I love you! Because it's a child of yours and mine...! That is why I wanted one. But did you really think that while you were hurting and suffering like that, I—the woman who is your wife—would just be blissfully happy to be pregnant, oblivious to my own husband's agony? Did I look like such a stupid, wretched woman to you!?"
"I'm sorry."
Faced with her resentful outburst, the only thing I could say was that I was sorry.
Unohana sobbed in my arms for a long time before glaring at me with bloodshot eyes.
"Don't you ever... make me such a wretched woman again. Don't make me into a spiteful woman who doesn't even know her husband's pain, or such a pathetic mother... Do you understand...?"
"I understand. I won't do it again."
Unohana wiped her tears with her sleeve, then grabbed my collar and kissed me.
I've lived a long time... but love is still difficult.
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