His car was parked where I could easily spot it, alongside his keys resting beside the breakfast. The tires had been inspected, along with every other necessity, ensuring the vehicle would function flawlessly before the drive.
Everything was arranged meticulously for my comfort and convenience.
I slipped inside the car effortlessly and immediately noticed a fresh batch of toffee resting in the cup holder.
It was the signature mint flavor I always enjoyed whenever we drove together. He habitually kept them there, and today- even in his absence- he had ensured I wasn't without them.
My heart skipped a beat; not the familiar flutter I often felt in his presence, but a heavy pang etched with sorrow and grief. In moments like these, I wondered what he used to pen down in that book- what emotions this predicament stirred within him, and what verses he crafted from it.
Yet, those answers remained beyond my reach, as the book was no longer in my possession. I questioned whether I even deserved such a treasured keepsake. The nine years he dedicated to those pages felt squandered on someone like me- someone who failed to reciprocate his devotion, and someone paralyzed by cowardice when confronted with love.
Inserting a key into an ignition usually meant starting a journey, but today, every turn of the steering wheel felt like a step further into an unbearable distance. I unwrapped one of the mints, the sharp coolness coating my tongue- a bittersweet reminder of a warmth I no longer had the right to claim.
By the time I pulled into the crowded campus parking lot, twenty minutes had vanished in a blur of gray asphalt and faded thoughts. The low rumble of chatter, the rustle of autumn leaves across the walkways, and the imposing brick facade of the lecture halls forced reality back into view. I switched off the engine, gripping the wheel for just a second longer to gather the shattered pieces of my composure before facing the day ahead.
As I trudged into the auditorium, which was slowly filling with students, two familiar figures waved enthusiastically to draw me closer.
A quiet laugh escaped me at the sight of their eager faces as I walked over and took a seat beside them.
"Assalamualaikum!" Ireen chirped with energy. "What took you so long?"
"Waalaikumsalam," I replied, arranging my notebooks on the desk. "Breakfast took a bit longer..."
Instantly, the two exchanged a knowing glance, catching the subtle trail of sorrow in my voice. Naima nudged me from the right, tilting her head to inspect my face more closely.
"What's wrong?" she asked, dispensing with any beating around the bush.
"Nothing..."
The word slipped out, but beneath the surface, I was desperately waiting for them to break through my defenses- to create a space where I could finally pour out the heavy burden of my worries. They understood this implicitly; after all, we had been close friends for years.
The girls shared another hesitation, silently prodding each other to take the lead. Neither wanted to step forward, resulting in a flurry of nervous pokes and uncertain glances.
I sighed, watching their exchange. Nobody liked being thrust into an awkward position, and I couldn't blame them- the responsibility for this heavy atmosphere rested solely on me.
Eventually, they gently dragged me toward the cafeteria, coaxing me with spoonfuls of food to ease my troubled mind and encourage me to speak freely, sparing them from having to pry. I chewed absentmindedly in a daze as memories of the previous night rushed back, instantly stinging my eyes with fresh tears.
"So... did something happen with Haider?"
The moment I heard his name, my composure completely shattered. My shoulders slumped, and my face crumpled as tears dripped into my bowl of soup, adding to its saltiness. But I couldn't care less.
"I hurt him-" My voice cracked between heavy sniffles. "I didn't see him all day- waaah!"
I burst into tears, my lower lip trembling uncontrollably. Ireen and Naima immediately moved beside me, gently patting my back as they patiently waited for me to continue.
It took every ounce of effort to recount what had happened just the previous night. My voice wavered, and my throat grew scratchy from crying so much. As I relayed the events, I noticed their expressions gradually change.
Worry gave way to confusion, followed by shock and, eventually, disappointment.
Naima removed her spectacles and rubbed her eyes, a deep frown settling over her face. Meanwhile, Ireen simply stared at me, her expression turning increasingly hostile.
"Ariya Muazzin!!"
Oh, no.
The way Ireen uttered my full name sent a chill down my spine. I slowly lifted my head, my tear-stained face meeting her unamused gaze.
"Y-yes?"
"Do you have any idea how stupid that was!?"
"Ireen!" Naima scolded, shooting her a warning glance.
"What?" Ireen threw her hands up. "She practically made her husband question whether confessing his feelings to her was a mistake, and now she's crying over it!"
"Yes! And now she regrets it, that is why she is crying like this."
I pouted at Naima feeling slightly touched only for that emotion to fade away.
"No matter how foolish things she did, she is still our friend. Although so idiotic."
She murmured the last parts but I could still hear her.