To win someone's heart, you first have to win their stomach.
It's a tired cliché. Narumi Tōru wasn't exactly fully sold on it, but during his relationship with Yukinoshita Haruno he had indeed learned to cook quite well.
Why? Because love is a long game.
Even if you survive the meet-cute and the getting-to-know-you phase, being in a relationship isn't the final victory. If, after you've started dating, you can't keep finding new little things about the other person that attract you, the relationship slowly goes stale — attraction diminishes, and it ends in a breakup.
Yukinoshita Haruno understood that, so even after they started dating she preserved an air of mystery and ritual: remembering anniversaries, preparing surprise gifts at the right moments, cultivating hobbies so she wouldn't be boring — in sum, a very competent girlfriend.
To Narumi, who was emotionally indifferent by nature, that level of competence felt almost excessive.
Out of a sense of responsibility to maintain the relationship and a bizarre competitive streak, he began to play the role of the ideal boyfriend too — starting with learning to cook. Even if they broke up later, this skill would still be useful.
"Putting aside the wise-senpai lectures, I can kind of understand now why Haruno got together with you," Yukino said matter-of-factly.
Because of that, after successfully completing Yuigahama Yui's request (mostly demonstrated by Narumi), Narumi felt awkward facing Yukinoshita Yukino, who'd been all business.
"You're flaky and unreliable on the surface, but when it matters you've rescued me… I'll grudgingly accept you as a somewhat trustworthy assistant."
His thin sense of guilt lasted all of a moment — then he told the truth.
"Nope. I just wanted to leave a good impression on Yuigahama-san."
"...?"
"Yukino, your cooking is terrible, so I figured I could use this chance to show off a bit. Leaving a good impression never hurts."
"...Yuigahama-san is underage, you degenerate senpai."
"I know, I know — but she's cute. I can wait two years."
"Let me retract my earlier statement: senpai, you're the worst."
The request wrapped up. Hikigaya Hachiman and Yuigahama Yui went to take out the trash together, and Narumi stayed behind in the home-ec room as Yukino's assistant to clean up the aftermath.
While packing away Yukino's charcoal lumps of cookies, Narumi mentally tagged her: this character is not fit to cook, and resolved to keep her at least five meters away from any kitchen.
"Shall I take you home again today?"
"Even if I refuse, you'll talk your way into doing it anyway, so have it your way, senpai."
"As you wish~"
"...but I should make something clear first."
Yukinoshita Yukino sighed — she really felt powerless against this person — and after packaging the remaining cookies she looked at the grinning curly-haired youth.
"I'm someone who might die in the next second. You still have time to redirect your flirting back to my sister."
She said it lightly, as if talking about the weather — explaining the link between herself and death with casual ease.
"Even if you were sent by her to play house with me, you've cheered me up enough already. That should be enough to tick the box."
"Ah, such a cold estimation of my motives wounds the heart."
"Then why are you still sticking to me like a piece of tasteless chewing gum?"
"Can't it just be because I like hanging out with cute girls? If you want, Yukino, we can just say 'Goodbye — I'm an alien,' run away from the surface of the Earth, and elope to the moon."
"Elop—?! Don't be ridiculous. Although I do know I'm very cute—"
"Oh come on, Yukinoshita Yukino, could you do that little act? You know — the one that goes: 'Chu~ I'm so cute I'm sorry! Sorry for enjoying life so much! Chu~ I'm so cute I'm sorry! High on girl-power, big mood~'"
Yukino's face flushed bright red. Instinctively she launched her schoolbag at Narumi — which he, of course, effortlessly dodged with a flamboyant 360° Thomas-style spin.
"Perfect physical dodge: damage 0, score 10! And getting attacked by a JK makes me very happy — bonus +10,000 points!"
"You're impossible...!"
He was infuriating — and hopelessly disarming. Narumi's illogical, whimsical antics always left Yukino exhausted and worn thin, and yet she couldn't deny the calm and ease he brought her.
"Sigh... even though it makes me mad, I still have to thank you."
Realizing she'd slipped, Yukino smoothed her slightly rumpled collar and tried to hide the complicated expression on her face.
"You helped me out at the right time while we were making cookies."
Even though she didn't intend to tell others about her illness, Yukino wanted to appear composed and graceful in public, even if it was a brittle veneer.
"So what's the reward?"
"Hm...?"
"You aren't just being polite, are you? You aren't, right?"
Narumi, surprisingly forward, didn't bother with politeness — he pushed his luck.
"—Just kidding. Actually, I gathered some really useful material today, so consider that my payment."
He waved the cookie pack (made by Yukino) in his hand. Studying it might yield insights for expanding his repertoire of 'dark cuisine'.
"...Anyway, thanks. I won't do that again."
Yukinoshita Yukino awkwardly stepped off the platform he offered.
"What do you mean by that?"
"Meaning: I'll accept help from others."
"There's no reason to never ask anyone for help at all."
"This is my own business. Seeking protection or help from others is a sign of weakness and incompetence. I will try not to let it happen again… ugh."
Yukino frowned slightly; then, almost unconsciously, she pressed a hand to her abdomen — a movement that made Narumi blink.
Sharp, persistent upper-abdominal pain is a classic symptom of acute pancreatitis, sometimes accompanied by nausea, vomiting, fever, etc.
Although Yukino worked hard to act like the illness wasn't that serious, how was she managing to suppress her symptoms?
Narumi was quiet for a long time, then let out a helpless breath.
"Enduring it and pretending nothing's happening — that would be one form of weakness in Yukinoshita Yukino's dictionary too."
"...Nagging."
"You, who claim you'd never tolerate lies, have been lying to others — even to yourself. How will the judge-like Yukinoshita president handle it?"
"I told you: it's my business. It's none of yours."
"If this were a courtroom, that excuse wouldn't get you off the hook, Yukino."
Narumi stepped closer to the girl, who had been silently retreating.
"Whether it's a trial for truth or for lies, or a judgment about love, if you can't face your own feelings and needs, you'll lose. If you end up with a suspended sentence, at least the judge has mercy — that's a very simple truth."
"If you used that kind of metaphor appropriately in your novels, they might not die stillborn either."
Even as her aura softened a little, Yukino refused to back down verbally.
"A kilogram of pear! Your defeatist little game-theory attitude will earn you a guilty verdict!!"
"Stop waving your hands like some chūnibyō attorney protagonist and being all dramatic. Elementary school behavior, please!"
"Not being frank is a cardinal sin, opponent counsel."
Narumi struck a mock-grand pose, then handed the cookies he'd made to the tired-looking Yukino.
"When your own arguments lack evidence, don't worry about calling in backup."
Yukino was momentarily stunned.
Along with the cookies, Narumi placed the metal whistle he'd just used into her hand.
"Out-of-court support that appears the moment you call — at your service."