i needed you.
fuck—
i still need you.
you were the calm
in my fucking chaos.
the voice that told me
i could be more than
my anger
my cigarettes
my fucking pills.
you listened.
you stayed up late
rewriting my stupid reports,
laughing at my bad jokes,
telling me that the world
wasn't as dark
as i thought it was.
i needed that.
i needed you.
but you?
you didn't need me.
you moved on.
you built something—
a career,
a family,
a life.
you're still glowing.
laughing.
singing with your kid
and writing beautiful fucking books
that probably have a little of me
between the lines.
but me?
i'm still here.
trying to forget the way
your eyes squint when you think.
still wondering if
you ever needed me
the way i needed you.
i guess not.
you don't look like someone who lost something.
but i do.
and i lost you.