Sarutobi Hiruzen often worked on documents late into the night. Sometimes the paperwork dragged the hidden village leader till morning. Even shadow clones didn't ease the hell much, since first, the info dump after they dispersed was huge; second, the clones hated that crap as much as the Hokage himself.
Still, tonight the Third had no time for papers. Or rather, not the usual docs. Naruto had stolen the forbidden scroll (paperwork!), forcing the Kage to send dozens of shinobi combing the village for the boy and scroll. Hiruzen suspected who might've put Naruto up to it.
But as if that wasn't enough, half an hour later a massive blast echoed from the forest. Two ANBU squads plus two mednins were dispatched to check it out. The Hokage himself tagged along, trailing his subordinates at a distance...
In the woods, sensors—and Hiruzen himself—picked up three chakra signatures.
Arriving at the clearing, they found wounded Umino Iruka, grinning Uzumaki Naruto, and an unfamiliar bald man in odd garb.
The ANBU immediately surrounded the stranger; mednins checked the Chunin.
Iruka tried standing but failed. Uzumaki blabbed carefree. But the kid's info was actually valuable, and the Hokage gleaned the key points.
First, as Hiruzen suspected, traitor Mizuki made Naruto steal the techniques scroll. Second, this Mizuki got one-punched by the stranger. The rogue Chunin was unconscious in a nearby tree—the third signature.
Still, one question lingered: friend or foe?
The bald kid gave off nothing special. Like a normal human. But even normals had some chakra. That energy permeated the whole world. This bald stranger had zero. More, if Hiruzen hadn't seen him with his own eyes, he'd have pegged it as genjutsu illusion. The spot felt like an empty anomaly, chakra-less.
Impossible. Unless a fuinjutsu grandmaster shinobi facing them, using seal masters' tech to fully mask his aura. Only fuinjutsu could disguise so perfectly. That mastery level was unique to one clan—the red-haired Uzumaki. But they were basically gone. So who was this guy?
What threw the Hokage most was the young man's look. Utterly ridiculous outfit and dopey face, no shinobi signs. Right now, he just stood picking his ear.
Fixing the stranger with a stern gaze, Hiruzen asked:
"Who are you, and which village?"
"Oh, old-timer! Hope you can help. I'm Saitama. Class B hero—Caped Baldy. Just fought some weird monster in the city, now I'm in this forest. Looking for a way out. Home to Z City. Know the way?"
Sarutobi raised his brows puzzled. Everything about this Saitama baffled him. The speech and weird accent; ignoring the dozen shinobi around; not knowing who he faced, though the hat screamed hidden village head. Just a fraction of the oddities stunning the Hokage.
So was this a total moron or master spy actor? Had to find out.
Saitama eyed the short old guy in the hat, then the surroundings.
"You guys wouldn't be pals with that... Hm, what's his name?" the hero pondered. "Legendary Gentle Pony...? Uh... Pink Elephant...?"
The shinobi exchanged glances. Total disrespect from a norm to the Hokage was wild; they also suspected the bald man's head wasn't right. The outsider clearly didn't grasp his situation. Without Naruto's testimony on the unknown's actions and the teacher Chunin's confirming nods, they'd have nabbed him already—he could've caused that blast... Though his dopey mug made that absurd.
"Got it!" Saitama exclaimed excitedly, lightly tapping fist to palm. "Speed-o'-Sound Sonic. He's like a shinobi or something. Know him?"
Sarutobi pulled his pipe from under his haori; a tiny flame flicked from his aged finger to light it, and he puffed calmly.
"First I've heard of such a shinobi. But I'd advise dropping the fool act, kid, and come with us to answer questions. Otherwise—trouble. Says the Third Hokage—Sarutobi Hiruzen."
Hiruzen was famous. He pulled the pipe for full effect. Maybe then the stranger would recognize him.
Something shifted on Saitama's face—a shadow of worry. Sarutobi smirked, and the bald guy said:
"Old man, you know smoking's bad for you at your age?"
The Hokage nearly choked. This Saitama was getting under his skin. A subtle signal from Sarutobi, and the ten ninjas readied to grab the target. Some drew kunai, others shuriken or senbon, some started seals lazily.
"Gramps, what're you doing?! He's not the enemy!" Naruto yelled.
But Saitama's reaction was barely above zero. He just scratched his bald head thoughtfully and said:
"Guess no talk without a fight, old man. You're the boss here, I figure, so how about a deal..."
"No bargaining from you, boy," the Hokage cut in. "Don't worry, we won't kill you. Not yet. But a suspicious outsider on village turf, breaching ANBU outer patrols, plus that recent blast... No choice."
One mednin grabbed Naruto to haul him from the brewing fight. The kid immediately struggled and yelled at the Hokage. The second mednin retreated with Iruka on his back.
The foe didn't look dangerous or even like a foe—more like an unlucky idiot who'd wandered onto foreign turf. But orders were orders.
If the young man had surrendered right away, no need to evac the wounded Chunin and kid, or for ANBU to force a grab. But he said no talk without a fight. Or so they took it.
The corner of Saitama's mouth twitched, and he muttered:
"Figures, gotta beat someone up before they talk normal..."
"Wanna surrender?" Hiruzen puffed his pipe. "While you can."
"You tell me which way to Z City?" Caped Baldy snorted skeptically.
"...Your fault. Take him!" the Hokage ordered.
Three shinobi finished seals and intoned in sync:
"Suiton: Great Wave!"
Three powerful water streams surged at the bald hero to knock him down. The rest readied to bind the fallen stranger...
"Thanks for the shower, but weren't you gonna grab me?" asked the soaked Saitama, standing right there.
"Eh?" all the shinobi on the clearing blurted in surprise.
"He's chakra-anchored to the ground," Hiruzen thought. "But why can't I see him using chakra?"
Next instant, various sharp metal bits flew at Caped Baldy: mostly shuriken, kunai, a few senbon.
"Alive!" the Hokage reminded his men.
Saitama dodged all the projectiles effortlessly, almost lazily. His evasion technique was weird, though. It looked like he randomly ended up millimeters from incoming weapons. Sometimes he froze mid-dodge in bizarre or outright silly poses.
"Bijuu brat, playing with ten ANBU right under Hokage's nose?! Ballsy!" Hiruzen puffed furiously but held his men back for now. He was curious what this odd "shinobi" could do.
The bald guy's power level, from what he'd seen, was elite Jonin. Probably not higher. Kage level? Unlikely—those were rare worldwide figures.
No matter how strong, he couldn't stand against ten ANBU.
At that moment, kunai with explosive seals came into play. Saitama dodged the blasts with virtuoso flair (though perhaps not the most graceful). Suddenly, one shinobi with flashing hand seals approached him almost point-blank, took a deep breath into his chest... and exhaled a massive fireball that nearly scorched the bald hero's clothes.
"Hey, hey, I can dry off after a bath myself," Saitama frowned, leaping away from the flames. "But how did you do that? I wanna do it too!"
Saitama was amazed by these shinobi's abilities. Three could unleash water streams no worse than a fire hose, one had released a fireball...
"Maybe I should exhale something too? Who knows what'll come out?" the bald hero asked the ANBU member.
Stopping in place, he tried twisting his fingers into the strange gestures he'd just seen; however, his fingers kept getting tangled. The only things he managed were figs and other rude gestures. The onlookers froze in shock for a moment. Watching this scene, they wondered: how could anyone treat a battle against a dozen ANBU so unseriously? The bald guy was openly mocking them—there was no way this shinobi couldn't form seals. Or could he?
Saitama spat on the unfamiliar contortions, deciding he could manage without them. So, taking a deep breath, he simply exhaled sharply toward the nearest cluster of shinobi.
*Whistle*
An unbelievable gust of wind burst from his mouth, hurling three ninja dozens of meters away. Crashing into trees, they were knocked out. Two more were nearly hit but managed to escape with substitution techniques, leaving only short logs behind.
Hiruzen frowned:
"Futon: Atsugai, though somewhat weakened. And performed without seals. He's still playing around. If he crosses the line—I'll have to intervene."
"Hey, stop, dattebayo!" Naruto burst onto the clearing, with a medical ninja right behind him who hadn't been able to restrain the noisy academy graduate.
Everyone obediently halted; Saitama, with a blissful smile, muttered something like: "See? I can do it too..." The boy was thrilled, as he'd never used his superpowers this way before.
"Enough, old man! They're just..."
"You don't understand, Naruto," the Hokage interrupted the boy. "He's an outsider!..."
"So what?! I'm a demon fox myself! Mizuki told me everything!"
Hiruzen nearly choked on his smoke, and the clearing fell silent. Only the grass scorched by one of the Katon techniques smoldered, emitting a faint hissing sound.
"But you've got awesome whiskers—total win! I knew right away who you were cosplaying," Saitama declared, pointing a thumb up. Of course, he was lying. He'd only just noticed the distinctive whisker marks on his cheeks.
"Naruto..." ignoring the hero's words, Hiruzen stared intently into the little jinchuriki's eyes.
He didn't know what to say to the kid. The talk about the Kyuubi sealed inside him was supposed to happen much later. But now the youngest Uzumaki had shown up at the worst possible time.
"I won't back down! I'll help Saitama..."
He formed hand seals and shouted:
"Shadow Clone Technique!"
The clearing filled with clouds of white smoke, and soon the Hokage and the others saw hundreds of Naruto clones.
"Learned Kage Bunshin from the scroll? Not bad..." flashed through Hiruzen's mind.
"Naruto, you..."
"Attack! Now we're more, Saitama! Let's show 'em!" cried a chorus of identical orange-jumpsuited kids, and the orange horde immediately charged the ANBU shinobi.
Saitama winced at the overly loud boy but couldn't stand by, especially when he saw the clone crowd dwindle by nearly a third in the first seconds of the fight. After all, seven adult operative shinobi were no joke.
He was already thinking of finishing off these mask-wearers when he heard nearby:
"Doton: Shinju Zanshu no Jutsu (Earth Release: Double Suicide Decapitation Technique)!"
In the next instant, Saitama was dragged underground, leaving only his head above.
"This... feels like déjà vu," the bald hero muttered. "But gotta admit, it's pretty cozy here. Warm, like a bamboo sprout."
"You're a funny guy," a shinobi with silver-gray hair and a fabric mask covering nearly his entire face appeared opposite Saitama. Only one eye was visible; the other was hidden by a Konohagakure forehead protector. "Don't resist. We'll finish with Naruto soon and take you to the village..."
"Kakashi-san, we could've handled it without you," one of the ANBU grumbled discontentedly.
"What can I say, I can't pass up the fun," the shinobi said, flashing an eye-smile and scratching the back of his head.
"Hey, let me go, jerk!" Naruto yelled as he was grabbed like a naughty kitten and put in a pain hold.
The remaining clones were dispelled effortlessly, and the "original" blond was led toward the Hokage.
Naruto tried to break free again but only hurt himself, nearly breaking his arm. Tears welled up in the boy's eyes. But these weren't tears from physical pain—they were from realizing his utter helplessness. He understood the massive gap between him and the adult shinobi who subdued him without even trying. He wanted to become Hokage, but a Hokage had to be strong. And he... was a weakling.
"Let the kid go!" Saitama's cold voice rang out. The foolish look vanished from the boy's face, and the shinobi felt a herd of chills racing down their spines, along with a powerful killing intent emanating from the stranger.
The rabbit-masked red-haired ninja only tightened his grip, making the boy cry out.
Saitama frowned. In the next instant, the spot where he'd been buried exploded in a shower of stone shards, and the bald guy was suddenly behind the redhead, now twisting the ANBU's arm himself. A characteristic crunch was followed by a hoarse groan, and the shinobi released the boy.
The blond was free and, rubbing his arm, glared angrily at the Hokage:
"Old man, stop this!"
The clearing fell silent again, broken by Hiruzen's raspy voice:
"Sorry, Naruto. I can't..."
Then he addressed the ANBU:
"No more holding back. I've seen enough. Capture the outsider."
The Hokage formed a concentration seal and leaped from his spot to a tree. Naruto was immediately pulled underground, and after a couple of heartbeats, an earth clone of the Sandaime emerged from the soil along with the dirt-spitting kid.
*Cough-cough*, "old man..."
The clone with Naruto landed on a nearby branch beside the Hokage, while active combat erupted on the clearing.
Kakashi lifted his headband, revealing the legendary Sharingan to the world, and cast a powerful genjutsu on the bald guy.
"Huh?" was all Saitama managed before loosening his grip, allowing the red-haired shinobi to escape with a substitution. He was stunned by the strange red eye and wondered how many all-nighters in an office it would take to achieve something like that.
The ANBU immediately hurled a cloud of thrown weapons at the bald man; however, he simply blew them away with his "new wind technique," sending them back at the attackers.
Some got lucky with kawariimi, others weren't so fortunate and took minor wounds. But the assault didn't stop, and powerful Suiton streams flew at the bald guy again. Then the silver-haired shinobi leaped at the now-soaked Saitama, a Raiton technique forming in his hand.
"Get ready! Now!" Kakashi shouted. "Chidori!"
The chirping of countless birds rang out, but Saitama intercepted the Raiton hand right at his stomach. A few heartbeats later, the Chidori fizzled, revealing a scorched Hawaiian shirt and the hero's completely unharmed body.
Kakashi's eyes bulged. The Caped Baldy's gaze dropped to his stomach, and he clicked his tongue in annoyance:
"Hey, hey, this is my favorite shirt. You'll pay for this, red-eyes."
The Copy Ninja tried a Sharingan-enhanced genjutsu, but it failed again. In the next instant, he met what seemed like a light palm slap from the bald hero, which he couldn't dodge. Not even the legendary Uchiha dojutsu helped. Saitama gave him no chance to show more. One slap—and Kakashi flew unconscious into the nearest tree, the impact producing a clear crack of bones.
But the former ANBU had bought his allies time to prepare. While distracting the bald guy, the six ninja surrounding Saitama finished their seals and shouted in unison:
"One-Way Isolation Barrier Technique!"
From each, a web of symbols spread across the ground, racing toward the center. The Caped Baldy was curious what his opponents would show, so he didn't dodge. When the technique completed, a circle etched with various symbols formed on the ground, and a purple dome of barrier jutsu rose over Saitama. This barrier prevented the prisoner from exiting but allowed incoming jutsu and objects through. A very unpleasant technique, even for Kage-level.
The rabbit-masked red-haired ANBU barely reset his arm while the others maintained the counter-seal.
"Phew, not so hard after all, right?" the redhead said, pulling a sheet with an unknown fuinjutsu seal from his pouch.
"Shut up, Usagi. Hurry and throw the sleep gas seal," the cat-masked ANBU said quickly.
Saitama scratched his head in puzzlement: "These guys are up to something. Looks like they wanna knock me out..."
Still, the Caped Baldy decided to drop the games and get serious.
"Kid, I liked your technique," Saitama addressed Naruto. "But I can show something too. Check this out..."
"Hurry and throw it, Usagi!" one of the barrier holders urged the redhead.
No need to tell the redhead twice (since they already had), so he attached the fuinjutsu seal to a kunai and hurled the projectile straight into the barrier. As soon as it entered—he formed a concentration seal, and a cloud of dark-gray gas formed around Saitama.
The Class B hero immediately pinched his nose and prepared his serious move.
"Serious Side Hops," Saitama announced in a nasal voice.
The barrier burst like a soap bubble, and the seven shinobi were scattered by the shockwave dozens of meters from the bald epicenter. They lay like broken dolls, with multiple injuries preventing further combat, but... alive.
The blurry silhouette of the bald guy seemed to multiply into illusory duplicates lined up. But the Hokage's experienced eye caught that it wasn't a technique. The guy was simply moving so fast he created afterimages and a shockwave that flung the ANBU.
"Bijuu! Where'd this guy come from? Casually shattered a barrier that could hold even a Kage for a while... What do I do with him? I can't fight with wounded shinobi and Naruto here. On the other hand, this Saitama shows no real aggression. Everything he's done is either self-defense or protecting Naruto... Oh Rikudo! I'm too old for this crap..."
Meanwhile, Saitama stopped his "technique." Where he'd jumped, a trench half a meter deep and five meters wide had formed. He leaped out of the man-made (or rather, foot-made?) ditch and strode confidently toward Hiruzen.
"Old man, your guys could use some help," Saitama began evenly, eyeing the wounded shinobi. "Besides, I hold no grudge. After all, I landed on your turf. And you're probably right to attack an outsider. But I won't let myself be captured."
Hiruzen glanced at the nearby medic and signaled to alert the other medical ninja: they'd be working overtime tonight. The medic nodded and vanished into the trees.
The Hokage exhaled a smoke ring and was about to ask something when—
"That was awesome, dattebayo. Saitama-san, take me as your apprentice! I'll get as strong as you and become Hokage. And... everyone will respect me 'cause I'll be strong and cool. And..."
The blond boy's verbal torrent continued, and Saitama's eye began to twitch. Then the corner of his mouth joined in, and finally the hero couldn't take it:
"Shut up, kid! I'm not taking you as an apprentice. Genos is enough for me. Besides, I'm just passing through. I'll ask the old man for directions and head home..."
"Yes, Naruto. Saitama-kun is right. He's not staying long. As for directions..." Hiruzen inhaled and, exhaling several smoke rings, addressed the bald hero. "Come to my office—we'll talk. There's no city like the one you mentioned anywhere on the continent. I don't know where your home is, but I'll do everything to find out and send you back ASAP."
"Oh... thanks, old man!" the guy said, scratching his bald head.
"Hope I don't regret this decision..." the Third Hokage thought bitterly.
***
Read the story months ahead of the public release — early chapters are available on my Patreon: patreon.com/Granulan