Deadpool pressed his palms together like a blade and gently tapped against Colossus's massive chest as if he were chopping vegetables. A deep metallic thud echoed with every hit.
"Never tried," Colossus replied stiffly, "but it should be fine."
Deadpool gasped dramatically and leaned forward, pressing his masked face against the polished steel surface.
"Oh my God… I love this so much."
Colossus immediately stepped back. "Wade, stop changing the subject."
Deadpool flicked Colossus's bicep, producing a sharp clang that rang across the rooftop. Then he straightened up and locked eyes with him.
"So what if I say I'm not going?"
Colossus did not hesitate. "Then I will take you by force."
There was no anger in his tone. Only certainty.
Deadpool was not a mindless killer. He targeted criminals. Monsters. Predators hiding in human skin. But the problem was his method. His complete disregard for rules. His chaos.
That was the problem.
Colossus believed deeply in structure. In guidance. In Xavier's dream. Wade needed direction, discipline, education.
He needed Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters.
"Okay," Deadpool said suddenly.
He crouched low and slid sideways out of arm's reach.
"So this is a fair one-on-one duel, huh?"
Colossus clenched his fist. "I do not want to fight you. But if you insist, I will not refuse."
Deadpool suddenly turned toward an invisible audience and waved dramatically.
"Ladies and gentlemen! Please enjoy the sacred duel between the highly anticipated superhero—handsome, charming, wise, powerful—Deadpool, Wade Winston Wilson!"
He struck a pose.
"And the X-Men's very own Magician—Piotr Nikolaievich Rasputin!"
Colossus winced. "You can just call me Peter Rasputin."
Deadpool's expression became serious.
"No. You can be called anything. Just not Peter."
"Why?"
"No reason. You're just not worthy."
Colossus stared at him in confusion before deciding it wasn't worth asking further.
He rolled his shoulders, the steel plates shifting over muscle beneath. His strategy had been decided long ago.
Three steps.
Charge.
Punch.
Lift.
Simple.
Deadpool spun both pistols dramatically in his hands.
Clatter.
One slipped and flew out of his grip, spinning across the rooftop before sliding into the already destroyed door.
"Wait! I didn't say start yet!"
He hurried to retrieve it.
Colossus remained in stance, staring in disbelief.
"Are you ready now?"
"Of course."
Deadpool blew dust off the barrel and pointed the gun at Colossus.
Then slowly shifted it to aim behind him.
"Hey… we said one-on-one. Shouldn't that guy behind you step aside?"
Colossus's instincts flared.
He turned sharply.
Nothing.
He turned back—
Only to hear rapid footsteps pounding down the stairwell.
"Damn it!"
He slammed his fist down.
This was the twenty-eighth time this year.
And he still fell for it.
---
The stairwell thundered with heavy metallic footsteps as Colossus gave chase.
Deadpool ran ahead, but instead of sprinting properly, he tested every doorknob he passed, twisting handles at random.
This slowed him down considerably.
Colossus, despite his massive frame, was terrifyingly fast. The distance between them shrank with each floor.
"Wade!" Colossus shouted. "You cannot escape!"
Deadpool's voice echoed from below.
"Piotr! Stop chasing me! We're not meant to be!"
A few floors later, Deadpool finally managed to open an unlocked door and dart inside.
Colossus did not slow down.
He leaped.
Boom!
Tiles shattered as he landed, cracks spreading like spiderwebs.
He did not deactivate his steel form. The last time he had done that, Deadpool had tricked him in a way he never wished to repeat.
The memory still caused phantom pain.
He burst into the apartment.
A scream pierced the air.
Inside the bedroom, a terrified blonde woman stood frozen in shock.
Deadpool stood at the doorway, waving.
"Had enough?"
"Not yet."
He slipped inside the bedroom and slammed the door shut.
Colossus smashed through it instantly.
Wood exploded into fragments.
The woman's eyes rolled back, and she fainted immediately at the sight of a giant metal man bursting through her door.
Colossus groaned.
"Damn it. Damn it. Damn it."
Deadpool was gone.
Again.
Colossus slowly allowed his metal form to fade. He looked at the broken floor. The shattered door. The unconscious woman.
He pulled out his phone with a heavy sigh.
Wade needed serious education.
---
A Different Time
Brooklyn, New York.
The cars on the street were older models. The clothing styles outdated. The atmosphere felt different.
This was not modern day.
Deadpool stood on the sidewalk wearing borrowed clothes—a baseball cap, casual jacket, and a mask.
He sucked on a lollipop and sighed dramatically.
"I leave a beautiful bride for my metal brother and disappear like a hero. I am too kind."
The clothes had been taken from a group of thugs who tried to rob him.
The lollipop? Traded for bullet casings with a kid who had surprisingly good aim.
He had even made a little money off the encounter. Enough to hand to a few homeless women nearby.
This Deadpool was… different.
The universe he came from had been rewritten countless times. Mutants. Radiation. Experiments. Curses. Healing factors layered over healing factors.
Even he no longer knew how his immortality truly worked.
He just knew one thing.
He could not die.
And unlike certain other versions of himself, he possessed a teleportation belt.
A very unreliable teleportation belt.
He also retained his awareness beyond the fourth wall. If he focused hard enough, he could push open a metaphorical door and fall into another world entirely.
The downside?
It was random.
Completely random.
Sometimes he would teleport directly in front of an enemy.
Sometimes under their blade.
Sometimes fully intact.
Sometimes missing half his body.
It kept life interesting.
Right now, he had no idea which world he had landed in.
Only that it felt older.
And familiar.
He sucked thoughtfully on his lollipop.
The belt occasionally flickered with unstable energy.
He tapped it.
"Behave," he muttered.
Suddenly—
His ears twitched.
Distant gunshots.
Followed by screaming.
Deadpool's posture shifted.
Playtime was over.
He adjusted his cap and started jogging toward the sound.
"Let's see what kind of cheat code opportunity this is."
---
The World He Landed In
As he moved through the streets, the details became clearer.
Old storefront signs.
Classic police sirens.
Newspapers announcing political unrest.
He recognized the timeline slowly.
Pre-2000.
Possibly late 1980s.
Possibly early 1990s.
Which meant…
Different heroes.
Different threats.
Different rules.
He grinned beneath his mask.
"This is going to be fun."
Another gunshot rang out.
He quickened his pace.
As he turned the corner, he saw it.
A small bank.
Masked men with rifles.
Hostages kneeling inside.
Deadpool crouched behind a parked car.
"Well," he whispered. "Side quest accepted."
He pulled out his pistols.
Spun them dramatically.
This time, he didn't drop them.
"Alright, universe. Let's test the cheat codes."
And with that—
He stepped into the line of fire.
Unaware that this random jump through space and time was about to entangle him in something far bigger than a simple robbery.
Something connected to experiments.
To secret programs.
To timelines that should not overlap.
And perhaps—
To why he truly could not die.