**Reincarnation of an Ordinary Man. Year 778. Bang.**
I was lying peacefully in bed when suddenly something struck me.
When a person sleeps, they're usually completely out. But I slept as if I were lying on needles.
A sharp flash of pain in my stomach forced me to jerk upright. But the moment I tried to stand, another blow landed on my head. I staggered — everything spun, my legs gave out, and I fell.
Wonderful. Just perfect.
I didn't even understand who hit me, and I was already knocked out. I didn't manage to open my eyes to see my attacker before darkness swallowed me.
**Time skip.**
The sleep wasn't great — felt like I'd been run over by a truck. But whatever.
I figured it was better not to make any sudden moves if I didn't want to "enjoy the company" of those fine gentlemen who had knocked me out again. So I decided to pretend I was still asleep, hoping to overhear something. As they say, before you do anything — think.
I waited for rustling, for voices — anything that might help me understand why I had ended up in this "wonderful" situation.
And I was met with… silence.
Hm. Strangely quiet. Too quiet.
I kept my eyes tightly shut, controlling my breathing. But it grew heavier. Why did it feel like there wasn't enough air?
Slowly, millimeter by millimeter, I began to open my eyes. And you won't believe what I saw.
Wooden boards. In front of me. To the side. Everywhere I looked.
Well then. Couldn't be better. They'd put me in a coffin.
Ah, yes. Just perfect.
Alright. How do I get out? I need options. Come on, brain, work.
**Time skip.**
Some time passed. How long — I don't know. Time flows unnoticed inside a coffin. My mind was working slower and slower. There definitely wasn't enough air.
I'll be as honest as ever: to the fine gentleman who nailed this coffin shut, I sincerely wish all the "very best." You miserable piece of trash. The job was done perfectly — not a single hole for air, not the slightest weak crack. Excellent soundproofing. Masterful craftsmanship, buddy.
I started replaying my life in my head, trying to find the moment I committed my great sin. Because I truly didn't understand what I had done to deserve this.
My thoughts grew slower. My consciousness blurred. Yeah… the air was running out.
Ha-ha-ha…
I laughed. Truly hysterically. If I'm going to die, I might as well do it with a smile, right?
Just as the last fragments of consciousness were leaving me, I felt the coffin suddenly tip onto its side. Since this "masterpiece" had been built exactly to my size, I felt like a piece of meat in a grinder.
But along with the pain came hope.
Gathering my last strength, I screamed:
"AAAAAA!"
The sound reverberated through me like someone was beating on my bones.
And then — a blow. An iron axe stopped just centimeters from my face.
In that instant, my soul nearly left my body. My bladder, unfortunately, did not withstand the experience. A warm substance known as urine spread beneath me.
But never in my life had I felt as wonderful as in that moment when I inhaled fresh air through the hole left by the axe.
After surviving that stress, my brain began to shut down.
The last thing I heard:
"Hey, get over here! There's a live one!"
And in the final second before darkness swallowed me again,
one thought flashed through my mind:
"Thanks for being stupid, brain."