Of all the magic schools in the kingdom, my father, an ordinary baker, somehow managed to get me a place at Tharnys's Academy.
The massive iron gates loomed over the courtyard like jagged teeth as students in expensive silk robes flooded the cobblestone path around me.
I wiped my sweaty palms on my cheap cotton pants.
I'm Dylan, by the way.
This was the best magic academy in all of Tharnys. I still had no idea how the old man pulled it off, but today was my first day.
I pulled a crumpled map from my front pocket and realized I needed to find the power measurement hall immediately. The entrance exam would decide my entire future here.
Suddenly, a guy with literally glowing blond hair blocked my path.
He wore thick golden armor that reflected the bright morning sun straight into my eyes.
"Excuse me."
The glowing guy spun around slowly.
His crimson cape caught a dramatic breeze that definitely should not have existed on such a calm morning.
"You dare approach the Golden Lion?"
I blinked at his blindingly polished breastplate.
"I just need directions."
The guy narrowed his bright blue eyes and studied my flour-stained tunic from head to toe.
"A test."
I tilted my head.
"What?"
He nodded with deadly seriousness, then struck a heroic pose with both hands planted firmly on his hips.
"You test the resolve of the future king."
I looked down at my wrinkled map.
"I just want to find the exam hall."
He placed a heavy metal gauntlet over his heart.
"I am Leo."
I waited for him to point left or right, but he did not move.
"Son of the High Duke of the Western Marches."
I scratched the back of my itchy neck.
"Cool."
Leo stepped one pace closer.
"My bloodline traces back to the First Paladin."
This guy was giving off a deeply weird vibe.
"Do you know where the exam is?"
He stared straight into my eyes with absurd intensity.
"The exam of life is everywhere."
I rubbed my temples as a dull ache started throbbing behind my eyes.
"I mean the power measurement exam."
Leo let out a massive booming laugh.
"You hide your true aura incredibly well."
I did not have an aura. I had the faint lingering smell of sourdough on me.
"I literally do not."
Leo crossed his arms over his golden chest.
"Only a true master masks his power so completely."
I sighed.
"Can you just point me to the building?"
Leo looked up at the cloudy morning sky, and a single dramatic tear rolled down his right cheek.
"My village burned down when I was a mere boy."
I shifted my weight to my left foot, having absolutely no idea how to respond to that lore drop.
"That is really rough."
Leo clenched his armored fist.
"The Dark Faction took everything from me."
I looked around for another student to ask, but everyone else was giving Leo a very wide berth.
"I should probably go."
Leo grabbed my right shoulder.
"But I survived."
His grip was weirdly tight.
"Okay."
He dropped to one knee on the dirty cobblestones.
"I found the Sacred Blade of Dawn in the ashes."
People were definitely staring now, and this whole interaction was killing my will to live.
"Please stand up."
Leo rose slowly and gracefully to his feet.
"I will bring peace to this broken land."
I checked my cheap digital watch.
The entrance exam started in exactly ten minutes.
"Good luck with that."
Leo pointed dramatically toward the central academy tower.
"Tharnys's Academy will forge me into a legendary weapon."
I followed his finger and realized he was pointing directly at a blank brick wall.
"Is the exam behind that brick wall?"
Leo shook his head and gave me a sad, heroic smile.
"The wall is a metaphor for my internal struggle."
I groaned.
This guy was an over-proofed loaf of bread, all air and no substance.
"I need literal directions right now."
Leo closed his eyes and took a deep breath through his nose.
"My destiny is a heavy burden."
I folded my map into a tiny paper square.
"My destiny is being late for class."
Leo opened his eyes wide.
"You mock me."
I raised my hands in surrender.
"I am just super stressed out."
Leo smiled like he knew something I did not.
"A warrior must never show stress."
I was not a warrior by any metric. I was just a guy who liked kneading dough before sunrise.
"I am not a warrior."
Leo chuckled softly.
"Your modesty is the perfect testament to your hidden strength."
He was completely delusional.
"Seriously."
Leo drew a glowing silver sword from his hip.
"I shall pledge my blade to you."
I took three quick steps back.
"Please put that away immediately."
Leo kissed the flat of the glowing blade.
"Only after we swear a binding blood oath."
I shook my head hard.
"I do not do blood oaths. Ever."
Leo sheathed the sword with a loud metallic click.
"A silent vow, then."
He nodded to himself.
"Even better."
I looked toward the giant wooden doors of the main building, figuring I could just ask the receptionist inside.
"I am going to leave now."
Leo stepped directly in front of me again.
"My father never believed in me."
We were right back to the tragic backstory.
"That is rough."
He looked down at his shining gauntleted hands.
"He said I lacked the spark of a true king."
I wanted to be literally anywhere else.
"Parents can be difficult."
Leo looked up fast, his eyes burning with intense imaginary fire.
"I will prove him wrong."
I gave him a half-hearted thumbs up.
"You do that, man."
Leo paced across the stone path.
"I will ascend the golden throne."
He was talking entirely to himself now.
"Have fun."
Leo stopped pacing abruptly.
"I will unite all the warring factions."
He punched the air.
"Okay."
Leo grabbed both of my shoulders this time.
"And you will be my shadow."
I shoved his heavy hands off me.
"I am nobody's shadow."
Leo winked and tapped his nose twice.
"Exactly. A shadow never admits its true nature."
This conversation was a black hole, and I was losing brain cells by the second.
"Where is the testing hall?"
Leo spread his arms wide.
"The hall is within your soul."
I kicked a loose pebble across the dirt.
"That does not help me."
Leo pointed an armored finger at my chest.
"Your magic slumbers in the deep."
My magic was probably nonexistent. My dad definitely bribed someone with a blueberry pastry to get me in.
"I just need my power measured."
Leo laughed again.
"A true king measures his own power."
I turned away from him completely.
"I am just going to ask someone else."
Leo jumped in front of me for the third time.
"Wait."
I stopped walking.
"What now?"
Leo looked left and right, then leaned in close.
"I know your dark secret."
My heart skipped a beat.
Did he somehow know about the baker thing?
"What secret?"
Leo lowered his voice to a dramatic whisper.
"You are the prophesied one."
I let out a long breath.
He was just genuinely insane.
"No."
Leo nodded vigorously.
"Yes."
I shook my head.
"Definitely not."
Leo tapped his temple.
"Your peasant disguise is flawless."
I looked down at my cheap clothes.
"It is not a disguise."
Leo smiled brightly.
"A master of deception."
I gave up trying to reason with him.
"Sure."
Leo puffed out his golden chest.
"I will protect your true identity."
He slammed his fist against his breastplate.
"Even if it costs me my life."
I rubbed my eyes.
"Please do not die for me."
Leo bowed low at the waist.
"Your wish is my absolute command."
He was treating me like some dark lord, and I just wanted a normal classroom.
"Point me to the exam."
Leo straightened slowly.
"I cannot."
I frowned.
"Why not?"
Leo looked deeply ashamed.
"I am also terribly lost."
I stared at him.
We stood in silence for a long moment.
"You are lost."
Leo nodded sadly.
"Yes."
I gestured wildly at the massive academy grounds.
"You have been talking for ten solid minutes."
Leo looked down at his shiny boots.
"I was waiting for a spiritual guide."
I crossed my arms.
"And you thought I was a guide?"
Leo shook his blond head.
"I thought you were a secret grandmaster."
I sighed even harder.
"I am just a regular guy."
Leo looked at me with renewed awe.
"A guy with unimaginable hidden magical depths."
He was impossible to communicate with.
"I am leaving."
Leo reached out an empty hand.
"Let us brave the unknown together."
I dodged him easily.
"No thanks."
Leo looked genuinely hurt.
"But we are destined allies."
I started walking quickly toward the main building.
"We are not anything to each other."
Leo followed close behind me.
"The path to kingship requires loyal companions."
I walked faster.
"Find a different companion."
Leo kept perfect pace.
"The Sacred Blade chose you."
I broke into a light jog.
"Tell the blade I am busy."
Leo started jogging too, armor clanking.
"It senses your dormant righteous wrath."
I stopped so suddenly that Leo crashed into my back and tumbled onto the stone path.
His golden armor clattered loudly, echoing across the courtyard.
I looked down at him.
"Stay right there."
Leo sat up slowly and rubbed his helmet.
"A brilliant tactical maneuver, master."
I turned away from him.
"Goodbye."
Leo stood up quickly.
"My old mentor warned me about this."
I looked at the sky in frustration.
"Warned you about getting lost?"
Leo shook his head hard.
"Warned me about strict tests of character."
I looked at my map again.
"This is not a test."
Leo ignored me completely.
"Master Thorne lived on a freezing mountain peak."
I did not care about Master Thorne at all.
"That sounds very cold."
Leo nodded solemnly.
"He taught me the ancient art of frost breathing."
I suddenly wanted a warm plain bagel.
"Cool trick."
Leo stared off into the distance.
"He sacrificed himself to save me from the Ice Wyrm."
This conversation somehow kept getting darker.
"I am sorry for your loss."
Leo clenched his jaw.
"The Wyrm swallowed him whole."
I briefly imagined getting swallowed by a giant snake.
"That is highly unfortunate."
Leo drew his glowing sword again.
"I will slay the Wyrm one day."
I stepped back from the blade.
"Good luck with that."
Leo pointed the sword at the morning sun.
"With my trusted magical beast at my side."
I looked around the empty courtyard.
"You have a magical pet?"
Leo whistled through his teeth, and a tiny gray pigeon landed on his armored shoulder.
"Behold the majestic Frost Hawk."
I stared at the very ordinary pigeon as it cooed and ruffled its dirty feathers.
"That is literally a street pigeon."
Leo looked offended.
"She is in a magical disguise."
I rolled my eyes.
"Right."
Leo stroked the pigeon's tiny head.
"Her true form is terrifying and vast."
The pigeon pecked at a random crumb on his armor.
"She looks very scary."
Leo smiled proudly.
"You see through the complex illusion with ease."
I wanted to scream.
"I just see a bird."
Leo leaned toward the pigeon and whispered.
"He is testing us, girl."
The pigeon immediately flew away into the open sky.
"She failed the test."
Leo watched the bird soar over the academy towers.
"She goes to scout the enemy territory ahead."
I checked my watch again.
Only five minutes left until the power exam started.
"I really have to go inside now."
Leo reached for my map.
"Let me read the sacred scroll."
I snatched it back.
"It is just a printed campus map."
Leo stared at his empty hands in wonder.
"The ancient runes were illegible to me."
I smoothed out the wrinkled paper.
"It is literally a cartoon drawing of the school."
Leo nodded like that proved his point.
"A clever cipher."
I shoved the map back into my pocket.
"I am going inside."
Leo pointed at a nearby decorative bush.
"I shall scout the perimeter."
I pointed at the main doors.
"The exam is in the building."
Leo crouched absurdly low.
"The unseen king is the deadliest."
I stared at him in gleaming armor, crouched in the open.
"You are literally glowing."
Leo put a finger to his lips.
"Stealth mode."
He crawled backward into the thick green bushes.
"I will await your signal, master."
I did not give him a signal.
"Goodbye."
He vanished into the foliage with a loud rustle, and I was finally alone.
The school courtyard was clearly full of weirdos. If this was the best magic school in the kingdom, I was doomed.
I marched up the giant stone steps, reached the massive oak double doors, and pushed them open with a long wooden creak.
The hallway inside was dark and blessedly cool.
As I stepped over the stone threshold, I left the glowing lunatic babbling outside.
I walked into the shadows alone to find my fate.