Light.
It wasn't a blinding light, but more like that of a dentist's office. Low. Blue. A signal of bad things to come.
Although, for Roy's case, it wasn't just some middle aged man reaching a gloved hand into his mouth to molest his teeth.
It was a goddess.
"...My child. It seems the first chapter of your life has finally come to an end."
Roy squinted at the being, trying to see its face from the uncomfortably bright halo floating lazily above woman's form.
The voice rang out like a chime, making parts of his brain that he didn't even know existed relax.
The woman was suspiciously his type. In a way that shouldn't. He had never had a type like her.
It was almost as if he was being forced to like her form. His voice rang out, still croaky from sleeping a bit too late.
"What..? Am I... In heaven? No, it can't be. I stole that guy's pancreas."
The holy being's eye twitched. The light from the Halo flickered for a second.
"Excuse me..?"
Roy blinked, before realizing his mistake and looking away at a nearby wall. Or at least he thought it was a wall. It was hard to tell since everything around him was equally white with no shadows whatsoever.
"Nothing. Please continue. Were you about to tell me about why you brought me here?"
After an awkward silence, the being sighed, rubbing her divine head as golden hair was brushed away from her face.
"Why am I always so lucky..? Whatever. Ahem. Welcome, reincarnated soul. To the Lobby of Light. I am this place's divine ruler, the Goddess Seraphine. You are here for one purpose and one purpose only."
She gestured grandly, as the flickering form of a world bled into the room, spinning on itself as continents and oceans all manifested on the rather large sphere. Everything was weirdly on fire.
"This is the world of Xkloemofmekskr. A war torn-land in a universe far away from your home, Dirt. Two sides rule the world. The Seraphic Theocracy, and the Legion of Demons. Your job is to-"
Roy rolled his eyes, coughing and cutting her off as he waved his hand, scoffing to himself.
"Yeah, yeah. I get it. I fight the demons. Help your church. Become a generic fantasy hero-"
The goddess coughed back, staring at him irritantly as she moved her weight to her back leg, the planet image glitching.
"No, actually. You're supposed to help the Demons. The Seraphic Theocracy is attempting to destroy the world. They've grown corrupted with power. I can't directly interfere with the world myself, so I'm throwing you, my cute little scrapdog, into the fight instead. Got it?"
"...What? But aren't you their goddess? Seraphine? Seraphic theocracy? Can't you just take away their power or somethin-"
"I said shut up, mortal. I am a goddess. I do whatever I want. In fact, I can completely utterly obliterate you right here and now if you say another word. Understand?"
"No."
"You little... ugh, whatever. Since I'm such a benevolent goddess, I'll let you take one thing from your abode with you. Since you're still built like a damn twig compared to the rest of Xkloemofmekskr, I'll even enchant it for you. Anything in your house. Or wherever I got you from. Do you even have a house? With your sense of fashion, I wouldn't be surprised if you were scavenging in a dumpster through..."
Roy blinked, processing her words as he stared at her blankly. The goddess's ramble slowly droned out from his mind. Anything in his house? Enchanted? He didn't know what that word meant, but it tickled his brain.
Honestly, this seemed almost unfair. It was a no-brainer. A smile slowly formed across his lips as she chuckled, the goddess' eyes trailing back towards him as she stopped yapping.
"...I want my rocket launcher. In the basement. Next to the iron shakles. Honestly, I got to thank my grandpa for leaving me the love of my life. Bring me Rocket launcher-chan."
She stared at him.
For the first time since he'd arrived in the aggressively white void, the halo above her head dimmed slightly.
"…I'm sorry?"
"My rocket launcher," Roy repeated patiently. "In the basement. Olive green. Smells like nostalgia and... Beans. Grandpa said it was for home defense."
There was a long silence. She opened her mouth once. Decided against it. And then opened it again, this time inhaling in a very dangerous tone.
"You mortals are not supposed to have those just laying around."
"Well I do. You said anything in my house."
Her smile returned. In fact, if anything.. It was wider now.
"Yes," she said softly. "So I did."
The white space behind her shimmered. Something heavy tore through reality with a metallic shriek as light started bending beyond what he could optically understand. Then... It hit the floor with a thunderous clang.
Roy's heart skipped. There it was.
Long tube. Iron sights. Scratches along the side. The faint discoloration near the trigger from where he'd once spilled soda on it during a very emotional action movie marathon. Along with the cute pink bow he tied around the handle, laying there, as if waiting for him.
He walked toward it reverently, almost in a hypnotic state.
"Rocket launcher-chan…"
"Stop calling it that."
He picked it up softly like a father holding his newborn child, finger grazing past the barrel and gently caressing the warhead.
The goddess observed silently, hand floating over her mouth like a noble witnessing a peasant grovel. A single glint of interest in her eye.
"...I can also help you enchant it with a special skill. Anything you want. Enhanced durability? Biomatter devouring? Or perhaps... Infinite ammo?"
Seraphine stepped closer, placing two fingers against the weapon's frame, as her eyes glew brightly like twin stars of destruction.
It seemed Roy really was in heaven.
He stumbled back, almost unable to take the emotional joy of the thought that he could fire Rocket Launcher-chan as much as he want. He clutched his chest, falling down, on one knee.
"...Infinite ammo. Do it. Now. And I'll make sure your church won't be a problem again."
Her smile grewm sharper. Her fingers hummed. And golden light crawled from her hand to the metal like veins.
"Hah. You better keep your end of the deal, scrapdog. Here. Let me give you the blessing of your life."
Her halo flickered again, as her hand suddenly went past the metal, grabbing Roy's wrist like a vise, almost crushing his wrist as her head tilted, sending a wave through his muscles as sharp teeth revealed themselves.
"You're mine now."
Roy winced, suddenly snapping out of his dream-like state, as his eyes darted over to her hand. "...What-"
Sudden pain exploded through his arm, flooding to his chest. Immediately, he spat out blood, uncouthly staining Rocket Launcher-chan as the world around him pulsed violently.
It felt like someone reached into his ribs and carved something into his spine with molten glass.
He fell to the ground, clutching his abdomen, iris shrinking to needle-points as he grit his teeth, seething the pain in, unwilling to show weakness in front of his rocket launcher.
...Before a crimson mark slowly formed over his sternum.
He gasped, pain suddenly draining away as he sat straight up, instinctively reaching towards his rocket launcher before a divine heel met his hand, slamming it to the ground forcing him to bite his tongue in pain. The goddess looked down on him.
For half a second, the gold turned black. Behind her, for a fraction of a heartbeat, something vast and wrong opened its eyes. Not a goddess.
A maw.
"...You've been blessed by me. You should be honored."
Hundreds of other voices matched her words. A blue screen suddenly tore itself into his vision, as his pupils focused onto the words, sweat dripping down his forehead.
[You have been marked by the Vessel of Calamity.]
Blue started corrupting into red, text glitching as it formed a new sentence that struck him in the gut.
[Divine Animosity Level increased by 99999.]
Roy struggled to breathe, his mind firing overtime as the so called goddess' heel sunk deeper into his flesh, his eyes filling with unreadable red screens.
The goddess... No, whatever it was, bent herself over, right next to his ear, as she whispered, her voice cutting back to a single tone. One of pure malice.
"...Now... You better not disappoint me, scrapdog."
She lifted her heel, as Roy stumbled back.
before the floor underneath him ceased to exist.