*Clink!*
*Ka-boom!*
*Bdyash-sh-sh! Ta-da-da-dam!*
*Sobbing!*
*Kya-kya-kya-kya!*
Two figures collided.
Karna took his spear... spear... like this, and stabbed Arjuna.
Arjuna's bow... this bow... ah, damn, it's not working. In short, he drew the string – *fyu-u-yut!* — And released an arrow. Karna blocked the blow.
Soon, two figures... no, no, two heroic spirits of Indian mythology engaged in hand-to-hand combat.
*Ua-a-a!*
*Tudukh! Tudu-dukh! Tudukh!*
*Tra-ta-ta-ta-ta!*
*Pew-pew! Viu-viu!*
*Vzh-u-ukh! Clink! Clink-clink!*
They separated again to a distance.
Karna's face expressed... facial expression... damn it! They could have made the figure's face better! Why does he look like some fake Saber?!
Ahem-ahem... In short, Karna's face remained impassive.
Karna asked Arjuna:
"He who seeks justice serves him who tramples it. This does not align with your beliefs."
Karna's words hit right... right here, in the chest – *n-na!* — And Arjuna replied:
"I just want to fight you. And for that, I had to join the side hostile to you. Our fate is such that we must put an end to this!"
What guys. Every meeting is a brawl. Were they Tom and Jerry in their past lives?
Be that as it may, Karna decided to finish the job and summoned his Noble Phantasm.
"They haven't even used their Phantasms yet."
Ritsuka, noticing that Deadpool was engrossed in playing with dolls in the middle of the void, watched this spectacle for a while. In the end, he felt so sorry for the guy playing "mother-daughter" alone that he decided to cautiously call out to him.
"Hey, kid! Do you have a conscience? Can't you see I'm explaining 'that very battle' to the readers?!"
Deadpool snapped irritably at Ritsuka. The latter merely blinked in confusion. Readers? "That very battle"? He absolutely did not understand what was being said.
"So, where was I? Ah, right. Yes, I know. The staging is completely cheap. But what can you do? They have no desire to fix anything. We pay them the last money, like suckers, and they don't even bat an eye. And there's a lot of such shoddy work here..." he whispered, "...then they even managed to mess up Jeanne Alter's dance. Spoilers for chapter 1.5..."
Looking down at Deadpool, who continued to talk nonsense into the void, Ritsuka gently persuaded him to go and help the other Servants. He grumbled something under his breath reluctantly, drew his twin swords, and, letting out a silly "hee-hee," skipped away. Ritsuka then turned his gaze back to Karna and Arjuna, whose battle was in full swing.
"This exchange of blows is just a waste of time. A quick resolution is what we both desire."
In response to Karna's words, his golden armor separated from his body and merged with the spear, turning it into a colossal weapon with a huge black blade. Arjuna, as if in unison, created a colossal electric sphere above his palm.
"It seems that such a fate was destined for both of us."
"A fate for which one must betray one's own beliefs..."
"O Sun, submit to death..."
[ *Va-sa-vi – Shakt-i*...]
"The hilt of the God of Destruction..."
[ *Pa-shu-pa-ta*...]
At the very moment when the Noble Phantasms of the two great heroes were about to unleash upon each other...
A piercing spear of deadly death.
[ *Gáe Bolg* ]
A scarlet projectile, fired from the Celtic army, flew past Arjuna and pierced Karna's neck through and through. Stunned by the sudden attack, Karna clutched his throat, from which blood spurted.
"Hmm. It seems my balls have retracted. 'That bastard' has arrived."
Deadpool, who was enthusiastically chopping a chimera and a wyvern simultaneously at that moment, felt a strange itch in his groin and turned his head towards the Celts.
"Ugh...!"
Karna, without taking his glassy gaze off Arjuna, collapsed to the ground.
Stunned by the foreign intervention, Arjuna raised his bow towards the direction from which the projectile had come, wanting to know who dared to interrupt their sacred duel.
"What are you messing around for? I got tired of waiting, and I finished it all myself."
The Tyrant King Cú Chulainn.
A giant in armor covered with scarlet spikes, he languidly stood before Arjuna. The latter, confused, lowered his bow with a bewildered look.
"We had an agreement!" Arjuna struggled to find words.
"Not to interfere in my duel with him. Why?!"
"The answer is obvious. There is a war. I don't have time to wait for you to play your 'destiny'."
Cú Chulainn gave Arjuna an icy look, in which was read complete disgust for concepts like honor or fate. Under its pressure, Arjuna could not utter a word.
"There is no destiny in battle. There are only those who kill and those who die. Don't you know this simple truth? O great... hero."
Throwing these words, Cú Chulainn left Arjuna behind and, picking up Karna's blood-stained demonic spear, strode across the battlefield.
"Hmm. A familiar smell."
He sniffed and, realizing who was here, grinned, revealing teeth as sharp as a shark's.
"Ah, you're still alive. However, nothing surprising. Your ability to regenerate endlessly... it's impressive."
"Your 'teacher' wrote me a prescription. Now I'm feeling great, damn it! And the smell you sensed is coming from your armpits, you old stinker 'Old Spice'!"
Deadpool glared at Cú Chulainn furiously, as if he had met a sworn enemy on a narrow path. At the mention of his mentor, Cú Chulainn raised an eyebrow, and a sinister grin contorted his face.
"Teacher... Ah. You mean that frail old woman."
As soon as the conversation turned to Scáthach, Ritsuka's group immediately focused all their attention on Cú Chulainn.
Although their acquaintance was brief, Scáthach was the one who helped Deadpool heal from the curse. Moreover, their relationship with Cú Chulainn during his lifetime was known as that of a teacher and student. She must have tried to stop his madness alone.
"You killed her?"
"I did."
"Killed your own teacher? You've become a real Sith Lord! Perfect, Darth Vader!"
Deadpool applauded him mockingly.
"She was weaker than me. The weak always fall victim to the strong. I was just following this law. She kept grumbling that she had to stop her student, and in the end, she paid for it. Ha! A frail old hag."
News of Scáthach's defeat plunged Ritsuka's group into despair. If they couldn't even deal with the Tyrant King standing before them, then the queen Medb and the return of the Holy Grail could be forgotten.
"So what if you killed her?! I owe nothing to that old woman! Are you expecting something like: 'Kuh-so! Yuruse nai!' from me? Forget it!"
While the others were worried about their mentor's fall, Deadpool, who didn't care about such bonds, raised both hands with middle fingers, provoking Cú Chulainn.
"Enough talk. Even if you got rid of the curse on my spear, you can't defeat me."
"You prepare for an unscheduled colonoscopy! I don't throw words to the wind!"
Cú Chulainn adjusted his grip on the spear, and Deadpool drew his swords, and they froze opposite each other.
The situation reached a boiling point.
And in the next moment, both simultaneously lunged forward.
Cú Chulainn first delivered a series of lightning-fast thrusts with his spear. Deadpool dodged – easily, flexibly, and incredibly agilely.
Seizing the moment, he delivered a cross-strike with two swords. Then he tried a sweep to knock his opponent down, but Cú Chulainn jumped.
Using the rotational inertia from the sweep, Deadpool braced his hands on the ground and, like a spring, shot his body upwards, delivering a kick with both legs. Cú Chulainn twisted in the air and, landing, powerfully punched Deadpool in the stomach. From the strong shockwave, Deadpool flew backward, plowing the ground with his back.
"Haha... Sunshine on this beach... (Sniffle!) Damn, my nose is bleeding."
Gasping, Deadpool pulled up his mask, blew his nose, and spat out a clot of dried blood. Despite the fierce battle, both opponents were unharmed so far.
Catching his breath, Deadpool resolutely rushed forward. He closed the distance, depriving the spearman of his advantage and blocking Cú Chulainn's blows. As expected, instead of swinging his spear, Cú Chulainn resorted to his fists.
Easily deflecting a predictable lunge, Deadpool, from somewhere unknown, pulled out and stuck a whole garland of C4 charges onto Cú Chulainn's stomach.
"C-4-U... I see right through you. Boom!"
Bouncing back and increasing the distance, Deadpool raised his middle finger and pressed the detonator. The C4 attached to Cú Chulainn's belly detonated in a series of explosions, turning everything around into scorched earth. Deadpool was also caught by the blast wave, but he, instantly recovering thanks to his healing factor, stared into the thick curtain of smoke.
"Damn it, why are you so tough?!" he shouted, grinding his teeth in anger.
"Is your body made of swords... or Vibranium, or something?"
Seeing that Cú Chulainn was not even scratched by such a powerful explosion, Deadpool gritted his teeth in frustration.
[It's not surprising. The Cú Chulainn from legends possessed Arrow Defense...]
Ritsuka's communicator displayed Romani's face, who had decided to explain the enemy's phenomenal resilience.
"Wait. Did you just say something about arrows?"
It was unclear how Deadpool managed to hear Romani's words in the middle of the fight, but he replied:
[Arrow Defense. It's an innate skill of Cú Chulainn. He is practically invulnerable to thrown weapons.]
"Thrown weapons? Like guns?"
It finally dawned on Deadpool, and he threw away his twin blades.
Following them, pistols, bombs, and other "thrown weapons" flew out. Initially, only swords and two barrels were visible on him, but from his bottomless pants, he began to pull out heavy machine guns, ancient cannons, and even a rocket with a radiation hazard symbol.
"Is he really Doraemon?" Ritsuka watched in amazement as things that physically couldn't fit there rained down from Deadpool's pants.
"Alright! That's enough with thrown weapons. I hope you don't have Fist Defense? Because, you know, I've also learned some martial arts. Ah-aht!"
Clenching his fists, Deadpool struck a Bruce Lee pose, provoking Cú Chulainn.
[If it's only about thrown weapons... then the swords could have been left...]
"Just ignore him, Doctor," Ritsuka merely shrugged, watching the mercenary's antics.
"Vzhukh-vzhukh! I'm not making these sounds with my mouth, it's my fists whistling! Sh-sh-shih! See? Mouth is shut! Sh-sh-shih, vzhukh! My fists cut through the air. This one is called Thunder, and this one is Lightning. With them, you're screwed... khaa-ak!"
While Deadpool was performing "incredibly" technical passes, imitating shadow boxing, Cú Chulainn impassively thrust his spear directly into his stomach.
"Idiot," he said coldly.
"Talk less and do more. Otherwise, I'll tear you to pieces."
The Rebel King was a mad berserker, craving only battle. A warrior completely unfitting the definition of "king," a contradictory Servant, unable to contain either the light or the darkness of his title. However, he himself didn't care. Only death mattered – to kill or be killed.
"It's nothing... my intestines just got a little mixed up. My stomach... khaa! hurts, but it's nothing..."
Getting back on his feet and assuring everyone that he was fine, Deadpool decided it was time for his secret trump card.
"Hmm-hmm-mmm... Hmm-hmm-hmm-m~♪ Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-mm~♬"
Tapping his foot and catching the rhythm, he began to sing and dance.
"When you're alone, you hear a vo-oice in the night~♪ It whispers: 'Give up, forget, and be silent~♪"
Neither the melody, nor the rhythm, nor the movements themselves suited the song at all.
"Like a black hole, the depths beckon~♬ Terrifying, yet captivating, your voice is like wine~♩ Boy, it's your turn!"
Performing this ridiculous dance and howling without any accompaniment, Deadpool, in a strange pirouette, passed the baton to Ritsuka. Cú Chulainn, who had been watching this spectacle in shock, turned his gaze to the young man.
"Uh, Wade. No. Don't even ask. Please…" Ritsuka just shook his head, refusing to participate in this madness.
"Yeah? Well, then I'm taking my pass back! Taking on your ha-a-abit~♬"
He danced with such passion, as if it were the last performance of his idol career, splashing sweat in all directions. Someone might even have called him Michael Jackson in a mask…
"Hey. What are you doing?" Cú Chulainn asked, a nervous chuckle escaping him at the sight.
"Distracting you, you piece of crap!"
Deadpool's gaze darted somewhere behind Cú Chulainn.
Realizing his opponent was looking behind him, Cú Chulainn sharply turned around in confusion.
" Karna!"
Karna, whose throat was still bleeding, was barely alive but was preparing his final, devastating blow. The blazing heat of the sun behind him seemed ready to incinerate the very air around them.
"O Surya, hear me. In the heat of battle, there is no room for doubt. My father, forgive me…"
The light and heat of the sun concentrated into Karna's golden spear, completely enveloping the tip.
"O Sun, bow before death!"
"Vāsavi-śakti!"
It was a ray from the sun itself. The wrath of a god. Incredible heat rained down on Cú Chulainn. A blinding flash and a monstrous explosion shook everything around, like the Big Bang in the middle of the North American continent.
Having expended his last strength, Karna began to slowly disappear – he had no mana left even to maintain his phantom form. He cast a farewell glance at a grim Arjuna.
"It seems our battle… will have to be postponed until next time…"
With these words, Karna vanished.
"Did… did we take him down?" Ritsuka, looking at the monstrous explosion, hoped that such power would be enough.
"Hey, kid! Shut up!" Deadpool jumped in place, pointing at Ritsuka. "Who asked you to recite the resurrection spell?!"
Ritsuka had no idea what "spell" he was talking about, but, as Deadpool had feared, Cú Chulainn's silhouette appeared in the dissipating smoke.
"Oh. So this actually worked."
However, the attack was not entirely useless. Even the Rebel King was a Servant. Moreover, the Berserker class is vulnerable to everything, so even if the blow wasn't fatal, it had significantly worn him down.
"With burns all over his body like this, he'll consume a mountain of mana to recover."
"Haha. Well, I'll be, you got us."
Cú Chulainn sank to one knee, and then, as if on cue, Celtic warriors, accompanied by monsters, poured out of the smoke. They surrounded him in a tight ring, aiming to protect their master.
"Get out of the way! Damn it! We're missing such an opportunity!"
"It seems we are not destined to die here today," Cú Chulainn said. "Well, if you want it so badly, we'll finish it in Washington. I'll be waiting."
With these words, Cú Chulainn shifted into his phantom form and left the battlefield.