The beep was not a first. His twenty three years on Earth were full of them but it always made hime wanna dig his grave and hide in it.
"Uhmm, lets try again." The cashier tried to be friendly to save him from the embarassment but he knew it will be the same sound again so he hurried to remove the cheap bread and a pack of cigarrites from the basket. People behind him shifted impatiently, a woman with a toddler, a man checking his watch.
"Its fine." He did not know if the smile that he imagined in his mind really appeared on his face. He can sacrifice his cigarrittes, even his breakfast but he cannot not buy the one thing he thought would make his mother's condition a bit well.
The box sat there in bright packaging.
Portable Nebulizer - Advanced Model, with an image of an elderly woman smiling and breathing easily through a clear mask.
$313.30. He swallowed but at least he was able to get it after several part-time jobs, or you cannot say part-time because he did not actually had a real job.
"This will be a great help." The doctor had said in the last check up after his mother's cough had gotten worse. "Don't delay." He had added.
As he walked out of the store, and opened his banking app.
Face ID. Loading...
$29.46
A slap in the face.
He already knew the numbers but still checked as if it might have magically changed.
All the things needing money played in his mind like a list he had memorized.
Rent: fifteen days late.
Student loans: compounding.
Credit card: maxed.
Mother's next medical installment: due Friday.
If he bought that, he would have less than thirty dollars left.
If he didn't...that was not an option.
He stared at the numbers a bit more, the bag feeling heavier in his hand.
"Okay." He exhales.
He put his phone in his pocket and started walking on the side walk, each step heavier than the last.
His phone rang. He ignored it at first but it kept ringing, persistently. Exhaling slowly he pulled it out. An unknown number.
No location, no ID. It kept buzzing in his palm. He watched it for a moment, not wanting to answer it as it could be anyone requiring money and he didn't have an emotional bandwidth for yet another problem like that. Dropping the phone in his pocket, he resumed his walk back towards home.
His mother was sitting at the kitchen table.
A bit too upright, her back perfectly straight as if the posture could substitute for oxygen.
"You are back." She smiled faintly, asking as if she hadn't been glancing at the clock every five minutes.
"Yeah." He placed the bag on the counter without commentary.
She glanced at the nebulizer. "Why did you buy it. It seems expensive."
"Not much." He replied.
"Any updates?" she asked and he knew exactly about what.
"Yes, got a call for the interview." He lied with a smile.
"Really?" Her face brightened in a way that was almost painful to look at. "That's good that's very good."
He nodded, pouring himself a glass of water. Silence settled between them.
The TV in the corner fills it.
"…continued restructuring has led to another wave of layoffs across the tech sector…"
He didn't turn to look.
His mother coughed mid-sentence as she started to say something else. It was a sharp cough. She covered it quickly with her fist.
"I'm fine," she said before he could ask.
He hadn't asked.
She reached for her tea. There was a slight tremor in her hand. Barely noticeable. He looked at the TV instead. She pretended not to struggle with the cup.
He pretended not to notice the tremor. That is how pride suffocates.
Later, in his room, the fan hummed lazily overhead. The laptop screen glowed against the dark.
Inbox (3).
He already knew but clicks anyway..
Subject: Regarding Your Application – Apex Analytics
Subject: Update on Your Candidacy
Subject: Thank You for Your Interest
He opened the first.
"We regret to inform you…"
Closed it.
The second.
"…moving forward with other candidates…"
Closed it.
The third.
"…encourage you to apply again in the future…"
Didn't bother finishing.
Opened social media without thinking.
A former classmate grinning in an engagement photo.
Caption: "She said yes!"
Scrolled.
"Promoted to Senior Analyst at StratCore!"
Scrolled.
Airport selfie.
"New York, here I come!"
He didn't feel envy, it was disappointment, displacement. Like everyone boarded a train he didn't see arriving.
He closed the app.
The room felt smaller. His phone vibrated again, but this time, it was not a call. An email. He ignored it, almost ignored it.
Then he read the subject line.
Structured Opportunity Program – Immediate Placement
His fingers went still.
The words sat heavier than they should.
Structured.
Opportunity.
Immediate Placement.
It sounded like corporate language. But could be scam.
He stared at the notification for a long moment. The tapped it open.
Dear Applicant,
We are pleased to inform you that you have been shortlisted for immediate placement within the Structured Opportunity Program.
He didn't remember applying to anything with that name.
Our initiative is designed to identify adaptable individuals capable of performing under dynamic environmental conditions.
He frowned slightly.
Dynamic environmental conditions?
Compensation is performance-based and survival-dependent.
He read it again.
Performance-based and survival-dependent.
It sounded metaphorical. Corporate motivational nonsense.
Right?
He scrolled further.
Participants will undergo a preliminary evaluation phase. Successful candidates will receive priority benefits.
Priority. The word scratched at something in the back of his mind. He rubbed his temple.
Failure to complete assigned objectives may result in forfeiture of continued participation.
Forfeiture?
The word sent a faint chill down his spine.
You're overthinking, he tells himself. It's probably some startup using dramatic language to sound edgy.
Skipping the further text, he scrolled to the bottom. There were two boxes.
ACCEPT
DECLINE
There was no fine print visible, no obvious scamindicators. Most of all, there was no request for money.
His thumb hovered on the screen, something soiling in his stomach.
"What's the worst that could happen?" Letting out a short humorous laugh, he looks at his reflection in the screen, tured eyes, unshaven jaw. A boy cornered be slow suffocation.
His heart beating louder than it should for something so small.He had no money someone could take, if it happened to be scam.
His thumb lowered just slightly, the screen reflecting his one last time.
Then he pressed down.