Maybe… it was never that much of a great idea like we thought it was…
"Hey, are you on your own?"
"Ah… Yes, but… I'm not here for… uh, you know…"
"Oh... that's alright. Can I still buy you a drink, though?"
Maybe I should have stopped doing this a long time ago, but... was it really that bad of a thing to do?
"Well… As I said… I'm not one of you—"
"I know what you meant, but still, let me invite you to a drink… who knows… if you accept... it may help change your mind."
"Haha. Well, I don't think it will, but… Sure. Although, you should know that I like the expensive ones. Will you still buy one for me when knowing this?"
"Haha~! That won't be a problem, don't worry. So… care to tell me your name? Since we'll be drinking together tonight."
"... Connor."
Even so… I guess things had to go wrong for me to actually wonder about all of this.
"Connor, huh? That's a nice name. I'm…"
Still… The more that I think about it… Was it truly that bad of an idea? I can't really say...
***
It was around a year ago that the idea of the century came to our bright and also naive little minds. While hanging out with my university best friends, when winter was at its peak being as cold as it could be for poor students like us and when the end of semester had finally freed us from torture to show its mercy and cruelty, we met once again as the starving, fried-brained students we were.
"... kha! That hits the spot!"
"You're talking like an old man again."
"I am at heart though..."
My two close friends and I, as we used to do once freedom arrived, had decided to hang out at my best friend's apartment at the time. It wasn't the fanciest but it was the best option since he had a nice calefactor and no family that would shush our loud ramblings while hoping to get drunk and relieve the horrible academic stress we've survived more or less victorious again.
"I can't believe I still have two years left to graduate and yet this dense girl whose an old man at heart is already graduating! Aagh, the envy I feel! D*mn it! Give me that! Quick! I'm getting another drink!" Sophie whined, already drunk after drinking only half a can of the cheap beer we could barely afford.
"Hey, finish the one you already have in your hand first!" Mason easily dodged her lazy jump, disgusted by the pitiful sight, "sigh… it's good you're the economic kind of drunkard, you know? 'cause if you weren't we'd be all out of beer already thanks to Layna hogging them all for herself", my best friend, who I know ever since I joined uni, glared at me while I calmly gulped down my can, unbothered by the usual chaos they were.
"Hm? What now? You can't go around blaming me all the time, Mason. You guys said we were celebrating my complete survival… It's only fair that I drink more than anyone, right?"
"In what world did we ever agree to that!? You're just shameless, Layna! I paid for all of this, you know?!!"
"Hmph… Whatevs… You even make me feel poor at a time like this. The more reason for me to drink it all since I'll stay penniless until I find a freaking job in this hash economy… At least your parents will keep giving you money for beer, Mason… unlike mine", Feeling depressed by the harsh future awaiting me I sighed, pouring more beer in my glass with narrow eyes hoping that it would fill it up to the top.
Even though it should be a happy occasion, finishing the suffering of years of endless study at uni demanded from my best years of youth and all of that, I actually felt a bit bummed about it. The reason? The natural step after graduating. The reason I truly disliked the idea of finishing my studies: was job hunting.
"Sigh... that money wasn't for beer, though… I used the bit I had saved for tomorrow's lunch for this… I'll starve tomorrow" Mason told us while staring sadly at the empty cans, already regretful of his bad decision while he also drank the leftover beer of the can he managed to take from my hands earlier.
His comment was depressing but all of us were depressed to begin with and altogether we ended up making quite a sudden silence. A hurtful silence to reconsider our lives since that was just how life feels when one is finally aware of how the world actually works as adults… in a sucky annoying and sometimes unfair way.
"…"
The more we stayed quiet the more we felt the void silence was making... as if we were the empty cans in our weak hands... which obviously, instead of making us feel better, it made us feel more miserable the more we kept it.
It was a difficult move to try to break it. It had to be a smooth move so we would't lose it. So... I really wonder how it was that Mason came to decide such an awkward and depressing silence was the right time to say it... But who am I to know what went through my dear bestie's head to suddenly break the silence with a confession everyone already knew? At the very least we lost it but for another reason. A more interesting one at that.
"I'm gay," he said as if he were confessing a crime in front of a jury after committing murder.
"Huh?"
"I'm gay—"
"N-no, we heard you just fine..."
Sophie and I went from staring miserably at our cans to see how serious Mason had become, but Sophie and I then shared an annoyed glance to nod in agreement before blurting it out, "We already know you're gay."
"Huh?"