"Since all the girls are playing, the game needs more cards in total. Each girl takes out six. Is Shizuka correct, Sunbae?"
I nod.
Sohee grabs the deck, looking for something. "But… there are only two Jokers."
Just before Sohee suggests something, Shizuka speaks. "'If the two remaining cards are jokers.' That is what Sunbae said. Or maybe Sunbae wishes to take that back?"
"No."
If I take it back, they have a reason to back down from the game. There'd be no deal after that.
I'm not that worried, but Sohee is. She leaps to my ear, whispering loudly. "Sunbae, this is a losing game."
"Is there any chance that I win?"
"... Yeah, but…"
Then I'll take that.
Maybe seeing my face not reacting to her words, Sohee moves closer. "Sunbae. It's point three percent. You can't gamble with that kind of probability."
0.3%? I know it would be low, but to hear the exact number... Damn. Also, are you a living calculator? You find the math that quick? Impressive, my pink-headed friend.
"Do you believe in fate, Sohee?"
"I…"
"I do." Actually, I don't. But if saying this kind of thing makes Sohee a little bit better, I will do it. "You might want to go to that side, Sohee."
"I pray that you win, Sunbae."
" I'm a lucky guy, Sohee."
After saying that, she walks away and sits on the couch beside Nelly. I am all alone now. I miss her smell already.
"So, should we start?"
"Sure."
It begins.
Sohee shuffles the 26 cards on top of her fingers. She isn't very good with her hands. But maybe she's not all there in the first place; that's why they are deliberate. Almost as if she is hesitating. Ah, I see, she is probably conflicted now. Thinking which person she'd rather appeal to — Nelly and the rest of the girls, who believed in her not doing anything shady. Or the hot older boy she clearly has a crush on.
The moment passes, and her hands are a lot calmer. Her pink eyes glossed over. I guess now we know she's not that kind of person.
Fwap.
Cards are being placed face down on the table and sound like a gunshot.
Fwap. That was the last card.
All the cards are in place. Ready to be taken.
All eyes are on me again, making sure I'm not doing anything but waiting.
Breaking the silence, the first one to choose her cards is Shizuka. Six cards in her hand, but she doesn't even glance at them.
Next is Nelly. Every time she takes a card, she turns to Sohee as if asking for it first. Sohee tries to nod each time she does that.
Varrie's turn. And done. She was very quick, picking up the cards without thinking.
Eight cards on the table.
Sohee reaches out to a card. Then another. And another.
The table is a lot tidier now with only two cards on it.
Those are my cards.
I look up at the girls.
Varrie seems frustrated. Shizuka is still smiling. Nelly… Well, I can't make anything out of her since I couldn't really see her face. She is trembling, though, but she always is. Sohee… is a little happier looking at her cards.
Great.
"Shizuka likes this game," she says, almost singing.
Yeah, I'm sure you do. Never once do your eyes leave my face.
I flip one card.
A joker.
Huh, not bad. Maybe I can win this after all.
All left to do is to flip open the other card. Let's see… let's see…
Seven of spades.
Right…
Fwap.
Something laughed. The other joker. Ah, there you are. Where did you go? You're supposed to be the second card.
Joker two, "Nah man, I ain't homo. I'd rather fuck this cuckoo Japanese girl than yo' stupid ass."
Right, right… Since when can you talk?
"Since yo' ass brain broke seconds ago. Keep telling you, man, don't start hopin' shits. Yo' dead few times and now start forgettin' that already."
I… I wasn't trying. When I saw your brother, I thought you'd be there, too.
"Fuck my brother, man, he stupid. Yo' better start swimming up, or yo' ass drown. Anyway, I'm going back to be card, lol."
Drown? Oh yeah, I do feel like being underwater. Thanks for the heads up, man. Geez, what a guy. Right, Joker one? Hm, you mute or something? Can't or won't talk?
Oh, you're just a card.
I look up. Shizuka was the one who had the other Joker. Thrill. That is what I see she's feeling now. Her face has lots more color than ever before. She wasn't lying. She really likes this game.
She says something. I nod. I don't know what to do.
Then Varrie. I nod to her, too.
Ring. That is the bell.
Movement. The girls are moving. They're leaving. They left. Thud. The door closed.
— "Bae."
A voice beside me.
"Sunbae."
Sohee.
I shake my head. I was out of it. Get it together. Don't drown.
Let's catch up on what happened. Met the girls. Told them I want to be their tutor. They voted no. We made a deal. Played a game. I lost. Knew I would. Yet hoping I wouldn't and that single second of hope crushed me. But I'm back up again. I'm all right now.
The girls left. There are only the two of us now alone.
Alone for now.
I start looking at the door.
Waiting for a certain nurse or middle schooler to come in. What's this time, a knife, a scapel, a pencil? Could be anything.
Man, I wish I could reset.
"I'm sorry, Sunbae, I really do."
Her hand on top of my shoulder. Her skin alone is warmer than my blood.
I grab her hand. She is really cute. Her plump, peachy pink lips are trembling like it's begging to be kissed—maybe more.
I thought that, but I don't think I'll do it.
Her pink eyes widen. "Sunbae? Your eyes…"
"Hm? What's wrong?"
You know my eyes are starting to itch all of the sudden.
"They are very red all of a sudden."
"They are?"
I'm not going to cry, right?
No, I'm not. This is something else entirely.
Sohee seems to know that. Her legs spring up. Both her hand pulling mine.
"S— Sunbae! Let's go now."
"What are you talking about?"
Drip.
Something running out of my eyes to my cheek and dropping on my hand. A red liquid. Blood.
Oh… lots of it. In fact, it's spilling out now.
"Sunbae!" She cries.
Damn, I dizzy.
Thud.
Can't control body. I fell. Head hit table. Darkness.
Sunbae. That was the last word I heard.
*
1st Loop: 4th
*
Damn. I died. Again.