My name is Kazuma Takahashi. I am thirty two years old. My life consists of three things: working at a soul crushing corporate job, eating instant food, and playing video games.
I am what some people call a degenerate. I do not mind the title. In fact, I have a premium subscription to a certain type of website that most people would be ashamed to admit they visit.
I have spent thousands of yen on digital girls who will never love me back. It is a simple life. It is my life.
Currently, I am in my small apartment in Tokyo. The space is tiny. There are empty energy drink cans everywhere. They look like a small city of aluminum. There are stacks of instant ramen containers in the corner.
I have not left this chair in forty eight hours. My eyes are bloodshot. My skin feels like paper. None of that matters right now. I am about to reach the maximum level in my favorite role playing game.
I clicked the mouse button one last time. The screen flashed with gold light. A large message appeared.
Level 99 reached.
I leaned back in my chair. My bones made a loud popping sound. I felt a deep sense of accomplishment. This was better than any promotion at the office. This was real success. I had spent two days grinding for this moment.
I was finally ready to tackle the final boss and finish the secret harem route. I had been looking forward to that part for months.
My heart started to beat very fast. At first, I thought it was just the excitement. Then, I felt a sharp pain in my chest.
It was like someone had taken a heavy hammer and slammed it into my ribs. My vision started to blur. The bright colors of the game began to run together.
This is bad, I thought. This is very bad.
I tried to reach for my phone. It was only a few inches away on the desk. My hand felt like it weighed fifty pounds. I could not move it.
My chest felt tighter and tighter. I realized what was happening. I was thirty two years old and I was having a heart attack. This was the dark comedy of my existence. I had conquered the digital world only to be defeated by a lack of sleep and too much caffeine.
I felt a sudden wave of annoyance. It was not because I was dying. It was because of the timing. I was so close to finishing the harem route.
I had spent hours picking the right dialogue options for the silver haired elf girl. Now, I would never see the final cutscene. It was a tragedy of the highest order.
My consciousness began to slip away. I felt like I was sinking into cold water. Memories started to flash through my mind. I thought about a coworker named Sato.
She was kind and had a nice smile. I had wanted to ask her out for three years. I never did. I was too busy with my games. Now, I would never know if she liked me back.
That was a small regret.
Then, I thought about something much more important. My browser history. If I died right now, someone would eventually come into this apartment. They would find my computer.
They would see the things I had been looking at. My legacy would be one of pure degeneracy. I felt a strange sense of pride. I was leaving behind a record of my true self.
It was a horrible, perverted record, but it was mine. I would be immortalized as the king of the creeps.
Everything went black. I expected to see a tunnel of light. I expected to see my ancestors. Maybe I would even see a devil waiting to punish me for my questionable morals.
Instead, I found myself in a giant white void. There was nothing in any direction. It was just endless, bright white space.
"Oh, great. Another one," a voice said.
I looked around. I did not see anyone. The voice sounded bored. It sounded like a middle manager who had been working a double shift at a logistics company. It was the sound of complete and utter exhaustion.
"Where am I?" I asked. My voice sounded normal, which was strange since I was pretty sure I did not have a body anymore.
"You are in the waiting room," the voice replied. "There was a cosmic bureaucratic error. You were not supposed to die for another forty years. Your heart was supposed to be much stronger. Someone in the life expectancy department missed a decimal point. It happens more than you would think."
I processed this information. "So, I am dead because of a typo?"
"Basically, yes," the voice said. "Since it was our fault, you are being given a second chance. We are going to reincarnate you in another world. You get to keep your memories. Consider it a form of compensation for the inconvenience of dying."
I felt a spark of hope. I knew this plot. I had read hundreds of stories like this. I was going to be the main character. I was going to get a sword and a group of beautiful women. I was going to be the most powerful man in the world.
"Will I be overpowered?" I asked eagerly.
"Do I get a cheat ability? Give me something like infinite mana or a system that lets me level up ten times faster than everyone else."
There was a long silence. I could almost hear the divine being rolling its eyes.
"No," the voice said firmly. "There is no guarantee you will be overpowered. That is not how this works. You have read too much fiction. You will be born as a normal baby. You will have to grow up just like everyone else. Your only advantage is your adult mind. Everything else is up to luck and your own effort."
I was not happy with this answer. This was a raw deal. I was a 32 year old man who had died because of a clerical error. I deserved a bonus. I decided to negotiate. I had nothing to lose.
"Listen," I said, putting on my best corporate voice. "I have a lot of specialized knowledge. I have spent years studying the intricacies of romantic plots and character archetypes. I know exactly how to manage a harem. I can offer you my extensive research on hentai plots in exchange for a small cheat ability. Maybe just a tiny bit of extra power? Or a very large mana pool?"
The void stayed silent for several seconds. I thought I was making a good point. Knowledge is power, after all.
"You are offering me... perverted stories?" the voice asked. It sounded genuinely disturbed. The boredom was gone. It was replaced by a sense of deep regret. "You are a terrible person. You are truly a degenerate."
"I prefer the term enthusiast," I corrected.
"No," the voice muttered. "We are done here. I am sending you now. I cannot listen to another word from you. Humans are the worst. They are absolutely the worst."
I tried to speak again. I wanted to explain the artistic merit of my favorite series. I wanted to argue for a better starting package.
Before I could open my mouth, I felt a violent tugging sensation. It was like a giant hook had caught me in the middle of my chest.
I was yanked backward. The white void vanished. Everything became a blur of motion and pressure. I felt like I was being pulled through a very long, very narrow tube. It was uncomfortable. It was more than uncomfortable. It was painful.
I felt a sudden, crushing weight. Something was squeezing me from all sides. It was tight and wet. I could not breathe. I tried to scream, but no sound came out. I felt like a tube of toothpaste being squeezed by a giant hand. It was the most undignified experience of my entire life.
Suddenly, the pressure vanished. I felt a rush of cold air on my skin. It was freezing. My eyes were forced open. Everything was too bright. I saw blurry shapes moving around. I felt someone grab me. I was being held upside down.
A loud, wet smack echoed through the room. I felt a sharp sting on my backside. My body reacted before I could think. I let out a loud, high pitched wail. It was the cry of a newborn baby.
The horror hit me all at once. The white void was gone. I was in a room that looked like it was made of wood and stone. I was being held by a woman who looked exhausted but happy.
I looked at my hands. They were tiny. They were wrinkled and red. I tried to speak, to ask where I was, but all that came out was another embarrassing sob.
The divine voice had not been lying. I was being born. I was a fully conscious adult male trapped in the body of an infant. I could feel every sensation. I was aware of everything. It was a nightmare.
I realized I would have to endure years of being a baby. I would have to be fed. I would have to have my diapers changed. I would have to listen to people talk to me like I was an idiot.
I closed my eyes and cried harder. This was going to be a very long second life.