7:30 AM The sun was way too bright when I woke up this morning. It felt like it was personally attacking me for staying up late reading. I stood in front of my closet for what felt like an hour, just looking at my clothes like I'd never seen them before. Everything looked either too small, too wrinkly, or just not "me" today. I ended up picking my giant green sweater because it's so big it feels like I'm hiding inside a soft, woolly cloud. Honestly, some days you just need to feel safe and warm before you have to go out and face a hallway full of people who are trying way too hard. I didn't even bother doing anything fancy with my hair; a messy bun is the best I can do when my brain is still half-asleep and dreaming of my pillow.
12:15 PM Lunch was loud and kind of exhausting, as usual. Maya is my best friend, and I love her to pieces, but sometimes she gets obsessed with the smallest, most unimportant things. Today, she spent the entire thirty minutes talking about why a boy named Leo hasn't liked her new photo yet. She was checking her phone every two seconds, refreshing her notifications, and coming up with all these crazy reasons why he might be ignoring her on purpose. I just sat there chewing on my grapes, which were a little bit squished from being in my bag all morning. I wanted to tell her that a "like" on a screen doesn't actually change who she is, but I know she just wanted me to listen and nod. I kept thinking about this pretty, slow song I heard on the radio earlier. It's funny how you can be in a room full of screaming teenagers but still feel like you're off in your own quiet little world.
3:45 PM In science class today, we had to use microscopes to look at tiny pieces of an onion. At first, I thought it was going to be super boring because, well, it's just a vegetable. But when I actually leaned in and looked through the glass lens, it was beautiful. The cells looked like tiny little bricks or pieces of a stained-glass window in a giant, old church. I tried to show Sarah, who sits next to me, because I thought it was actually kind of cool to see something hidden like that. She just looked at me like I was being weird and asked if I had finished the homework questions yet so she could check her answers. It's a little bit lonely when you find something amazing and the person next to you only cares about getting a good grade. I decided to just keep my "onion art" thoughts to myself and finished the worksheet in silence.
9:30 PM I finally finished my history homework, and my head feels heavy and tired from all the dates and names. I'm sitting on my bed right now, looking out the window at the yellow streetlights. It's really quiet outside now, which is a nice change from the constant noise and bumping shoulders at school. Sometimes I get this strange, fluttery feeling in my chest, like I'm waiting for something big and life-changing to happen. It feels like my life right now is just a practice run, and the "real" part with all the adventure hasn't started yet. I wonder if everyone feels like they're waiting for their story to finally begin, or if I'm the only one who feels like I'm stuck in the opening credits while everyone else is already in the middle of the movie. But then I remember the way the sun hit the trees today or the sweet taste of my dinner, and I think that maybe these small, boring moments are the whole point of being alive.