Chapter 83
I shut the door behind me with more force than necessary. I caught Millicent by the wrist and pulled her to the bed. My cane clattered to the floor as I pushed her onto the mattress. Her golden hair fanned out across the velvet sheets like some mythological maiden.
I straddled her and a smile curled at the edge of her lips.
"Do not dare smile," I snapped. "You still harbor affection for me. That much is obvious. So tell me, why would you offer yourself to another? Or do you truly desire to fence with that man and let him sheathe his sword in you?"
Her hands settled lightly upon my back. "Sheathe his sword in?"
Then she laughed. That same crystalline laugh, covering her eyes with her hand.
"Florence, you…" Her voice trailed off as she pulled me down into her arms.
Her embrace was everything, I let my weight fall atop her.
"Your mind is as reckless as ever," she murmured into my hair. "I missed this. I missed you. So terribly."
She held me tighter. And I buried my face in the crook of her neck, yet my temper soured once more.
"You are evading the heart of the matter," I said coldly.
"I am not," she replied. "I merely thought that if I were to marry, it might serve you better. That if I stepped aside, you might be free of me. I believed that you no longer desired me."
Her words struck like the blunt edge of a knife. I lay there in silence, the weight of my own guilt pressing against my chest. I had done this. I had carved that thought into her mind with my own negligence.
"Do not marry him," I whispered.
"Very well," she answered, as though it were the most natural thing in the world.
I narrowed my eyes. "That is all? Simply 'very well'? As if casting off a prince requires no more than a shrug? It cannot be so simple."
She exhaled slowly, her breath brushing against my cheek. Something in her expression shifted. Not a blush, not quite, but a visible effort to compose herself. Her smile remained, but her breathing grew uneven.
"Millicent?" I asked, suspicion giving way to concern. "Are you quite well?"
"Forgive me, Florence, but you are… ever so slightly heavy."
I pulled back, scandalized. "You dare insinuate that I am fat? I am perfectly proportioned. I am in excellent form."
Granted, I have always taken a certain pride in the curvature of my bust and the generous slope of my hips, but beyond that, I am lean as a blade. I was mid-preparation to unleash a scathing rebuttal when the truth struck me.
We had once been the same size. Now she was thinner.
Guilt clawed up my throat. I shifted off her, and she drew a long, grateful breath, her face returning to its usual porcelain calm. She reached out and tugged me down beside her.
"It was I, was it not? I did this to you." Emotion surged and spilled from me. "Millicent, I am sorry. I am so dreadfully sorry."
Her red eyes softened as she cupped my cheek. "It brings me great joy that you call me by my name once more, rather than my title."
Then, gently, she pressed a kiss to my lips.
"Blame yourself," she murmured, "and I shall be wounded in earnest."
How does she always know the precise combination of words to unravel me? This woman is a peril. She is poison and salvation in equal measure.
We remained in that silence for some time, arms entangled. No further words were spoken. Eventually, sleep crept upon me like a thief. When next I stirred, the world was still shrouded in darkness. Moonlight seeped in through the lace curtains, casting a pale silver across the room. I turned my gaze and found her crimson eyes fixed upon me.
"You are awake still?"
"I have dreamt of this many times," she whispered. "Of you and I, lying thus. Wrapped in quiet, suspended in peace. In those dreams, I drown slowly, trying to hold on to even the faintest echo of you. I am terrified, Florence. Terrified that this too is but a figment. That should I close my eyes, you shall be gone when the dawn dares to show her face."
Her words shredded whatever fragments of sleep clung to me. My chest ached.
"This is no dream. I am here. You are holding me. And we are no longer ghosts to one another. So hush your fears and rest. When morning comes, take me to him. Take me to see our son."
She said nothing in return, but her grip tightened.
The night deepened. We stay awake for a long while, simply holding each other.