P.O.V. Morgan Key Blackwood
I slowly extended my finger and pressed the button just once... Suddenly, a sort of gift box appeared. I waited for a moment, but nothing happened; only when I touched it did it emit a glow. Multiple spheres appeared and began to spin: some white, others green and purple. I simply stared as, all of a sudden, they lined up one by one for me to open.
The first one is white... and I already know what to expect from these. White usually translates to trash or things that aren't really useful. With a sigh, I press it. It glows and shows me a card.
(1/5 ⭐) Batarang Pack (x12): Aerodynamic throwing tools funded by childhood trauma and capitalism. Although technically boomerangs, their primary function is to get stuck in walls or be collected by low-level criminals to sell on eBay. Note: Batman doesn't pick them up, so why should you?
"Seriously? Batarangs?" Well... I guess it makes sense. You need experience with throwing weapons to even use something like this, and... to be honest, now that I remember, I never saw Batman picking up his Batarangs after throwing them at villains. There are even comics where people have found and collected them. I press the next button.
(1/5 ⭐) Gingy (Shrek): A gingerbread man with an alarming resistance to pain and a loyalty far sturdier than his body. Ideal for kitchen infiltration missions or as an extreme survival ration. Warning: Touching his gumdrop buttons may result in high-intensity insults delivered in a very high-pitched voice.
I look at the image of the little Shrek cookie and simply sigh, ignoring him. Maybe in the future, if I don't forget he exists, I might summon him... though I highly doubt it.
(2/5 ⭐) Phone Customization Card
Well, this could be useful... but not right now, honestly.
(1/5 ⭐) Kunai Pack (x20): The Swiss Army knife of the ninja world. Used for stabbing, climbing, peeling fruit, or being thrown and forgotten on the battlefield by 99% of Genins. A basic consumable that is always missing right when you actually need it.
"Another throwing item?" Well... at least there are twenty of them. "Is the whole damn gacha going to be like this?"
(1/5 ⭐) Sheldon Cooper: A biological logical-processing unit with an IQ of 187 and a social capacity of 0. Capable of solving quantum physics equations in seconds, yet utterly unable to detect sarcasm or give up "his spot" on the couch. Useful for technicalities; destructive to everyone else's patience.
Oh... he... "Is he even useful?" Now that I think about it, how did he die? Did he finally drive Leonard or Penny over the edge? Well, if I don't get anything better, I could try to assimilate him. It would be nice to get his IQ, but I pray to every god out there that I don't become as socially idiotic as him.
(1/5 ⭐) Pringles Pack (x3): Three cans of processed happiness, Pizza flavor. The container's design guarantees that "once you pop, you can't stop," and that your hands will get stuck if you try to reach the bottom. Side effect: Attracts hungry "friends" within a 10-meter radius.
I pull out the card... it was strange, I just thought about it and suddenly I had it in my hand. Then I think about activating it and, right there on the floor, three cans of Pringles appear. I set them beside me and start eating. I haven't had a bite since I got home and was kidnapped into this world, so forgive me if it's not the healthiest meal, but I'm starving.
While I keep snacking, I press another object. Now I really feel like my self from two years ago, spending half my paycheck on games; all I'm missing is a bed and scrolling through my phone. But now I have some luck because the orb glows with green tones instead of white.
(3/5 ⭐) Miles Morales (Early Stage): A young man recently bitten by a radioactive spider. He hasn't awakened all his powers yet, is a bit clumsy with them, and lacks the confidence to master them. But he carries within him the desire to be a Spider-Man.
"Hey! That's awesome!" A Spider is a Spider-Man, and Miles is one of those who got the best powers: strength, spider-sense, and basic wall-crawling. Then there are his unique abilities: turning invisible and that "Venom Blast" that hits like a truck. I feel like with Miles I've already gotten something worth all the previous one-star trash, but I still have a few pulls left.
(1/5 ⭐) Affection/Respect Boost Card (1 Point)
I ignore this since it's useless to me right now and spin again.
(2/5 ⭐) Pokéballs (x6): High-tech capture spheres for transporting fauna. They work by converting matter into energy, keeping the creature in a state of digital comfort. Limited to familiars or low-rank magical creatures; attempting to catch a God with this will result in a shattered sphere and a certain death.
Okay... that could be useful, but not now. It's not like I can go out and catch street demons at the moment, but it's good to know I can become a Chinese Ash Ketchum at some point.
(1/5 ⭐) Wilson Ball: A Wilson brand volleyball with a bloody handprint mimicking a face. It's the best therapist for castaways and people with a concerning level of clinical loneliness. It doesn't talk back, but it listens better than most.
My eye twitches slightly at the latest reward. I rub my temples at the sight of such crap... I take a deep breath and look at my interface again. Now I can press my current cards to see what I have whenever I want. With a single thought, I can summon a card into my hand or return it to the interface. With that, I simply press the Summon button again and, after the animation, I see the resulting orbs.
(1/5 ⭐) Shark Repellent Spray (Batman 66): An artifact from a simpler, weirder era. It expels a chemical substance that instantly wards off sharks. It is a niche item; so niche that if you aren't hanging from a helicopter with a shark biting your leg, it's basically just an expensive air freshener.
"Okay... that is truly random."
(1/5 ⭐) Cardboard Box (Solid Snake): The pinnacle of infiltration engineering. A "The Orange" brand moving box that defies all tactical logic. If you stay still, guards will assume it has always been there. Surprisingly cozy, but vulnerable to moisture and actual movers.
"I get it... I shouldn't have said I was happy with Miles. Can you stop giving me useless things? Please..."
(2/5 ⭐) Loyalty Boost Card (3 Points)
"Seriously... I'm serious... give me something useful... Please?"
(2/5 ⭐) Leon S. Kennedy (RE4): The ultimate survivor of the "worst first day on the job in history." Grants mastery in firearms, knife combat, and an absurd resistance to biological infections. Includes the "Femme Fatale Magnet" passive and a hairstyle that never gets messy, no matter the explosions.
"Thank you!" And damn... Leon S.ON OF A BITCH Kennedy, one of the best characters in all of Resident Evil, and I'm not taking any arguments. The guy is a legend: he survives a biological attack on his first day as an officer, seduces the gorgeous Ada Wong, and then basically alone while babysitting a useless blonde, wipes out another plague and saves the President's daughter. I'm assimilating this because if I can get even a fifth of how cool he is, it'll be totally worth it. With my mood improved, I pull again.
(1/5 ⭐) Ichiraku Instant Ramen Pack (x3): Dehydrated noodles containing the soul of Konoha. They don't provide chakra, but the MSG levels are enough to motivate any orphan to become the leader of his village. Flavor approved by the Uzumakis.
Well, it's food. Not the healthiest, but I'm in no position to complain.
(1/5 ⭐) John Wick's Pencil: A common HB wooden pencil, except for the fact that it was the murder weapon in two legendary executions. It's still sharp and has bloodstains that tell a story of pure will. Not suitable for school exams.
"This is cool and morbid at the same time." I have a pencil used by the literal John Wick, but also... "Yuck... I'm not using that." Next.
(3/5 ⭐) Edward Elric: The original Fullmetal Alchemist. Allows for transmutation without a circle through equivalent exchange, skipping the bureaucracy of drawing on the floor. He is a genius of structural improvisation. Note: Do not mention his height in front of him.
"YES, MOTHERFUCKER!" The coolest midget of them all. Sorry, Asta, I like you, but you scream too much. I think Ed is the most balanced shonen protagonist; unlike Goku, who has a hair dye for every new enemy, or Ichigo, who is a "tres leches" cake of Quincy, Soul Reaper, and Hollow, Edward has been able to get stronger through pure wit and stubbornness.
I pull the last two I have available.
(1/5 ⭐) Ash Ketchum's Hat (Replica): A piece of fabric that grants +50% visual charisma and +100% urge to shout at local animals. It doesn't help you catch anything, but it makes you look like someone who won't give up until the script says so.
"System... I was joking about being a Chinese Ash... don't take it personally." Wait... this glow... "Purple? Does that mean...!?"
(4/5 ⭐) Shizue Izawa (Pre-Rimuru): The "Conqueror of Flames." An elite combatant whose swordplay and fire magic are devastating. She contains the fire spirit Ifrit, granting her high-tier destructive power, but at a constant life cost. She is a "Glass Cannon" unit: immense power, but with a life timer ticking toward zero. Every time she uses fire magic, the counter accelerates.
"FOUR DAMN STARS! TAKE THAT, YOU SON OF A BITCH!" I couldn't help but shout as I stood up in victory. Then I look around and it seems no one saw me. With a sigh, I sit back down and keep eating my chips.
Now... I'm not 100% sure about assimilating her. What happens if I do and I end up with that invisible counter? What if Ifrit wants to take over my body? Honestly, I'd like to find a way to save her; she was a good girl, went through so much, and deserves a happy ending. Maybe in the future I'll get something to kill Ifrit's soul and leave only the power in her.
Well... last 10 pulls. I hope they give me something that actually keeps me alive these first few months.
(2/5 ⭐) Dora's Backpack: A living backpack that has the mystical ability to store practically anything inside without altering its shape or weight. The only downside is that you have to wait through a full two-minute song before opening it so you don't hurt its feelings.
"Okay... this is weird." Seriously? Dora the Explorer's backpack? I really need to learn to turn my brain off when I use this thing.
(1/5 ⭐) Walter White: A man in his 50s diagnosed with lung cancer. With the intention of leaving money for his family, he ended up becoming one of the most skillful chemists and drug kingpins in the world. "Say my name."
Maybe I'll assimilate him for his knowledge; he's a ridiculously smart guy. I don't know if he's smarter than Sheldon, but I know he can make a thermite bomb out of trailer park supplies.
(3/5 ⭐) Senzu Bean (x3): A single green bean that instantly heals any physical wound and staves off hunger for 10 days. They cannot be planted, as they require a special method known only to Master Korin.
Okay, I just got my restoration potions. This is basically an emergency button.
(1/5 ⭐) Duff Beer (x6): Springfield's favorite drink.
No comment...
(2/5 ⭐) Hoverboard (Back to the Future): A skateboard capable of floating thanks to repulsor technology. Very efficient on land, but it can't go over water unless you have "power."
If I can scrap this and replicate it, I'll have an infinite source of money. I could be the pioneer of flying vehicles... wait... wouldn't that put oil and tire companies against me? Okay... maybe not for now. I don't want to die of an "accidental" bullet to the head.
(1/5 ⭐) Icha Icha Paradise Collection: A series of adult novels written by the Pervy Sage, Jiraiya. High-quality erotic content.
"I think once everything calms down, I should investigate this... for science." One has to know if the love for adult literature can travel across the multiverse.
(4/5 ⭐) Killua Zoldyck (Post-Greed Island): Killua is a young boy who, from before he was even born, was trained to be one of the best assassins in the world. After being instructed by Biscuit Krueger to better use his Nen, he is capable of transmuting his aura into electricity. He possesses superhuman speed and reflexes.
"BINGO! I WON! That's it!" The Nen power system, and especially Killua's reflexes! Not just his Nen, it's all his assassin training! I could estimate him at a mid-class demon level, or even high-class at best. I won't say more, because if I brag, everything will go to hell. Last three pulls.
(1/5 ⭐) Wesker's Sunglasses: Indestructible dark glasses. They give you an air of superiority and hide your eyes if they glow from using magic. The guy is a jerk, but you can't deny his style.
(2/5 ⭐) Jill Valentine (RE3 Remake): Jill is an elite S.T.A.R.S. agent and a survivor of the "Mansion Incident." An expert in urban warfare tactics and survival under extreme pressure while being hunted by biological weapons.
"Okay... System... don't tempt me." I can't even maintain myself and you want me to summon someone like Jill Valentine. It's like putting a steak in front of a starving man and telling him not to touch it. I press the last orb and, to my surprise, it's white.
(1/5 ⭐) Stormtrooper Helmet: A helmet made of special polymers. It is said that by putting it on, you will miss 99% of your shots. A walking meme.
With a smile, I look at my best cards and choose three for my assimilation slots.
Name: Morgan Key Blackwood
Assimilated Cards: (None)
Assimilation Slots: 3/3
Miles Morales (5%)
Edward Elric (4%)
Killua Zoldyck (1%)
But after equipping them, I felt my body twist. My mind throbbed, and my heart began to beat at a ridiculously fast pace.
"Wh... what the hell?! Sy-System! What's happening to me?!" I scream out loud as I feel my entire body burn and my mind slowly goes blank.
Before unconsciousness hits me, a notification appears:
[By assimilating a character, your body adapts to acquire their skills and powers]
[By assimilating three 3-star and 4-star characters, your body is suffering a collapse. Don't worry, you won't die... so enjoy your sleep]
"You... son... of a..." And with my last eloquent words, I fainted into oblivion.
[End of Chapter]