Her eyes were bluer than usual, with hints of red in the whites. Strands of hair stuck out everywhere, all over her head and from her braids. She looked like a bird that had just been drenched in rain and was shaking the water off.
It looked comical. Rudra would have made fun of it, had it not been for the past few minutes.
All this time he had known he had hurt her, that he had been unfair. That was why he had been exercising restraint, trying to bear with her temper and mess and everything.
But through all of it, he hadn't realised how deep the wound was.
Perhaps it was time he came to terms with the fact that Tish would never forgive him. So he didn't apologise. Apologies wouldn't fix anything. But honesty might help her.
Tish looked confused. "What does that mean?"
"It means," Rudra spoke slowly, "you can't have everything. When you gain something, you have to make a sacrifice too, to maintain balance. For dragons, this curse does that. It maintains the balance."
Tish didn't look like she understood. So Rudra explained further. "You know the First Dragon died by Mamon's Sword. But Mamon wasn't a stranger. He was her lover. The First Dragon was betrayed." He shrugged. "My mother wasn't betrayed, but the fact that she and my father loved each other triggered the curse. One of them had to die. Dragons are powerful beings. We live long, we are feared. Nature had to take something away from us." Rudra tried to smile, though he was horrible at smiling. "For balance."
Tish swallowed. Then she spoke, her voice steadier now, though slightly nasal, as if her nose were blocked, which, probably, it was. "What about Saintess Rāvanya?"
Rudra tilted his head, as though her words might make more sense from a different angle.
"Don't talk about love marriage again," Tish warned.
"She died hundreds of years ago! Probably." Rudra shook his head. "Like my grandfather. How would I know what happened to her?"
She didn't look convinced. Rudra sighed. "For all I know, my grandmother could be a different Rāvanya. I had no idea she was even a Saintess before you mentioned it that day."
Something flickered in her eyes that looked dangerously akin to belief. She didn't give any confirmation. Instead, she moved on to another question.
"How old are you?" she asked abruptly.
Of all things she could ask.
"Twenty-six," Rudra answered immediately.
"In human years or dragon years?" she pressed.
The corners of Rudra's mouth twitched. "There's no such thing as dragon years."
"You can't be just twenty-six," Tish protested.
"And why is that?"
She looked taken aback, as if she hadn't expected Rudra to ask for the reason. Rudra didn't blame her. If anyone else had told him he was wrong about his age, they'd be leaving with a facial surgery courtesy of his fists.
This was an exception. She hesitated for a second before saying, "It's Percy. He thinks you burned down his country, his childhood home."
"Where was his childhood home?"
"Zhurgen. South of Benevia."
Rudra scowled.
"Just by the tideless sea," Tish pressed. "On the route between Partha and Benevia... Zhurgen falls in between, by the sea." A pause. "You burned down his country twenty years ago."
Rudra's eyebrows shot up. "I assure you, Benevia is the only country on this part of the continent I've burned down. And that far back? I was six."
He didn't continue defending himself for the next few seconds, hoping it was enough to convince Tish without telling her...
"Six or twenty-six, you're a dragon," Tish said, stubborn as usual. "You've always been one."
"Not always," Rudra said promptly, and immediately regretted it. He looked at the grey sky, then back at the soil beneath his feet. He didn't want to have this conversation. Not here. Not with her, of all people.
But she had.
She had said the hard things like a champion, regardless of where they were or who was watching. "I wasn't always a dragon," he confessed. "My mother... well, you heard about her..." He couldn't look at her eyes. He kept looking at the ground. "Nayan and her big mouth..."
Part of him hoped Tish would talk back, call him a liar, divert the conversation the way she usually did, so Rudra wouldn't have to say anything. But she just waited.
It was the second time she was doing it. Listening. As if she cared... as if...
"My mother didn't want me to fly," Rudra said casually. Very casually. He scratched his ear just to do something with his hand. "And after she... left, my father moved me to a new room without windows, afraid I would jump too." He finally looked up. "Oh yes, you've been there! It shouldn't feel stuffy. The ventilation system is great!"
He tried to lift the mood but failed miserably. She didn't laugh or curse. "A-anyway, I didn't fly before I was six. I flew when I turned six. With Saroth's help," he said carefully. He didn't elaborate on the procedure, or on how it related to his fear of spoons. "I doubt that, at that age, I could have flown all the way to the tideless sea."
"Where did you fly?"
Rudra was taken aback. He turned to look at Tish. "You are awfully bad at asking the right questions, aren't you?"
"I think I've been told that before," Tish mused. Her shoulders slumped. Rudra noticed how she had clasped her hands in front of her, the thumb and index finger of her right hand picking at the cuticles of her other hand. It was then he realised she must feel nervous too.
"I don't remember where I flew. When I woke up, I was back at the castle," Rudra told her. "Saroth told me I barely made a mile before collapsing back into my human form."
She didn't protest anymore. But Rudra continued anyway. "I didn't burn down your friend's home," he said. "And even if I had, I wouldn't lie about it. I may be a monster. But not a liar."
"You're right," Tish narrowed her eyes. "You're not a liar. Except you didn't tell me about Saya!" Then she did something unexpected.
She hit him.
Her right hand shot out to slap his forearm. Rudra didn't feel any pain. The slap wasn't infused with holy magic. She had hit him without intending to hurt him.
It was a new feeling. It threw him off guard.
"And you said those filthy things about me," she continued. "You kept being an asshole till the end!"
"I had my reasons!" Rudra tried to defend himself, but he was so surprised that his brain worked slower than usual. "And what kind of Saintess assaults and curses??"
"The kind that can catch a lie!" Tish retorted.
Nayan had finally stepped out of the cottage. She was dusting off her tunic and her hair, which had straw stuck in it. "It's not a lie!" Rudra said loudly. Now that Nayan was near, he felt the need to gain the higher ground in the argument. "There were a lot of things going on!"
"Like what?"
"It's a long story," Rudra said gruffly. "I would prefer to tell it when we're not surrounded by literal cannibals."
He heard the footsteps. Even before he turned, he knew who it was. Percival Leonhart. He wore the same guarded expression he always did around Rudra. But now Rudra knew what it meant.
Zhurgen. Dragon fire.
Tish and Nayan noticed him a few seconds later than Rudra had. "What kind of search involves standing outside?" Percival asked Rudra sharply, and then he noticed Tish's face. "You made her cry. Again."
Something about Percival always, always coming between him and Tish didn't sit well with him. "And you don't take your shirt off even in the bath, but I didn't judge..."
"That's not..."
The distraction worked. Tish immediately shifted her attention, fussing over Percival. "Percy, what are you hiding?"
"Not important now," he deflected promptly. "The Prince wants to see you." He jerked his chin at Rudra. "The Parthans can continue the search by themselves."
"Right." Tish's eyes lingered on Rudra's face for a second longer before she grabbed Percival's arm. "Let's go, then."
Rudra turned away too, not because he had a particular destination, but because he wanted to look busy.
"Oh, and Rudra?" Tish called.
He turned back. "Yes?"
Tish didn't look nervous anymore. She was looking Rudra in the eye, without fear or rage or anything at all, for the first time. "You are a monster, but the six-year-old you weren't. That was wrong of Saroth... and of your father." She turned away to pull Percival with her. "And I'm sorry that happened to you!"
Percival looked confused, getting dragged away like a piece of furniture. He kept throwing confused glances at Rudra. But Tish kept walking away as fast as she could manage while dragging a man who was definitely heavier than she was.
"I am..." Rudra started, but his voice was dry. "...sorry too." It was too quiet.
Tish probably didn't hear it.
But he apologised anyway.