???: [I'm home]
...
No answer cam from the empty house, not that the boy had expected otherwise. He calmly stepped inside, slipped out of his shoes, and lay his backpack down on the floor. Though he had never done it before, he walked straight to a cabinet in his kitchen and pulled out a clear drink in a glass bottle. For some reason this simple action seemed robotic, as if he were acting the part in an amateur play. He pulled the drink out as if he had been rehearsing this moment over and over in his head for the longest time, but had never practiced the actual motion itself. It was similar to the way a nervous schoolboy would imagine a hundred different scenarios before asking out his crush. He felt a strange excitement mixed in with all his nervousness, but before he could properly sort out this strange feeling, he was interrupted.
???: [That's some pretty strong stuff you've got there, Pax.]
A beautiful woman wearing a pure white sundress appeared behind Pax in the doorway. She playfully tilted her head as if teasing the boy.
Pax: [That's the point]
He brushed her off as he walked past her and back into the hallway. After entering the bathroom, Pax caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He made eye contact with his reflection, and took a moment to evaluate himself. Eyes that had a dead look to them peeked out from the greasy long hair covering the upper half of his face.
Pax: [Disgusting]
He hated that face. Those lifeless eyes, those sullen cheeks, that crooked nose. Not to mention the scrawny body attached to all of it. But even more than his outward appearance, Pax hated the boy inside that reflection. Normally, it took him all the restraint in the world to not punch that stupid mirror for reminding him of what he was. Today though, Pax was thankful to the mirror for helping him prepare for what would be coming next.
Pax exited the bathroom to retrieve a certain knife from his bedroom. Though this particular knife wasn't particularly high quality, it had a strange glyph located on its blade. It looked something like four circles partially overlapping with one another. Pax wasn't sure why he chose this knife in particular, it just felt right.
Returning to the bathroom and standing before his bathtub, Pax took a swig of the drink he had taken from the kitchen earlier. It burned his throat and made him want to vomit. He took another swig. Then another, and another, and another --
Pax: *cough cough*
???: [Now, now. We're not in any sort of rush here, you know... Plus, it's not like drinking that will really change much.]
She hadn't made any noise when walking into the bathroom, but Pax wasn't startled in the slightest when she had spoken. He knew there was no way that woman would be missing this. Still, he wasn't happy about it.
Pax: [Shut up]
Though Pax thought the drink tasted horrible, he took one last sip before setting the bottle down on the spotless tiled floor.
???: [this way Pax]
Now sitting in the tub, the woman called Pax over in a flirtatious manner. He couldn't help himself from feeling enticed by her long legs and pretty lips. Naturally, he did as she said and entered the tub, getting his clothes soaked as he lowered himself in. In response, the woman snuggled closer to him and caressed his head.
???: [Good job] she whispered in his ear. [Now for the important part...]
Pax raised the knife that he had been holding in his right hand the entire time. His nervous excitement now turned to fear, as if his body seemed to disagree with this plan. Breathing out, Pax cleared all thoughts of fear and regret from his mind, and steeled his resolve. A single tear still managed to escape from one of his eyes as his trembling hand forced the knife into position.
Thoughts rapidly began swirling around in his mind. He saw anger, excitement, disgust, sadness, and loneliness all mixing together. His heart raced and the emotions all surged to a climax when Pax lowered the knife into his wrist.
It hurt. A bead of blood formed where the knife had stuck into the left side of Pax's wrist. He clenched his jaw shut, but his entire body was now shaking violently as if revolting against his will. Sweat poured out of his skin as adrenaline rushed through his body. He could barely hold onto the knife in his hand, but before he could drop it a soothing voice made everything feel sharp.
???: [Let's end this]
A wave of calm washed over Pax's body. With his hand no longer shaking and his thoughts completely focused, he was able to fully commit to what he was about to do. In a single clean stroke, Pax cut through the rest of his wrist.
Pax: [AAAAGGGAAAHHHHHHH!!!]
The pain was unlike anything he had experienced before. His entire body screamed at him as warm elixir gushed out of his body.
Pax: [HOLY FUCKING SHIT IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTSITHURTSITHURTSITFUCKINGHURTSFUCKSHITFUCKINGFUCKGODFUCKFUCKITHURTS]
Pax screamed in pain as grasped his hemorrhaging wrist as all thoughts aside from pain fled his mind. Tears streamed down his face and fell into the crimson water.
???: [Calm down and look at me.]
Taking the boy's face into her hands, the woman spoke so. Her face was now close enough that Pax could feel her warm breath. He could have easily kissed her if he tried, and he definitely wanted to, but somehow he couldn't find the strength to do so.
???: [There is still one more left.]
Still sniffling, Pax's bloodshot eyes hesitantly looked back towards his right wrist...
Next thing he knew, he had somehow managed to cut his second wrist. The blade hadn't gone as deep as it had for the other wrist, but it would be enough. The pain was very much present, but Pax no longer screamed. He felt as if he had dissociated from all the pain in the world.
With a clatter, the knife dropped to the floor. Pax leaned back and looked up at the plain ceiling obstructing his sky. That woman had disappeared, leaving behind a cold and numb feeling that was now rapidly consuming Pax's body.
Why had it come to this?
Where did I go wrong?
Why was I born this way?
As Pax's consciousness started fading, he was reminded once more of his last remaining family member. His father would come home rom his business trip some day and see this scene.
Pax: [Dad...]
His throat was sore from all the screaming, and his lips were incredibly chapped too. Still, he forced out some final words.
Pax: [I.... I'm so sorry]
???: [Sorry? There is nothing that needs to be forgiven. You finally did something right] -Lust