"How baffling—don't always say such nonsensical things."
"Heh."
Hachiman Hikigaya simply continued to smile in that insidious way, making no attempt to refute Hikaru Ishikawa.
"By the way, Yukino-chan," Yui Yuigahama suddenly asked Yukino Yukinoshita, "did you hear that the school might arrange internships for us within the next two weeks?"
"Oh? Really. I hadn't paid much attention."
"Then do you have any plans for where to intern, Yukino-chan?" Yui asked curiously. "I still don't know where I'll be going."
"Regarding that," Ishikawa Hikaru joined the conversation, "I might be able to make some shady backroom deal with Hiratsuka-sensei so we can intern at Dengeki Bunko. In reality, though, I'll just ask my editor to issue internship certificates while we stay home on vacation. So… does anyone want a holiday?"
Hachiman Hikigaya immediately raised his hand with absolute confidence.
"Please, by all means, let me join."
"Eh—eh—eh?" Yui Yuigahama's eyes widened instantly. "But would Hiratsuka-sensei really allow something like that?"
"Student Yuigahama, please don't forget that I'm a light novel author who can already be considered a bestseller," Ishikawa Hikaru said confidently, wagging his finger. "This isn't just some setting from a light novel. It's an actual profession and social status. I've long since had no need for internships. Hiratsuka-sensei knows this too, which is why she doesn't complain much about my grades being at the bottom of the entire year."
"While Ishikawa's behavior and personality are indeed eccentric, what he says is correct," Yukino Yukinoshita said calmly. "Judging from his current sales figures, it's only a matter of time before his novels exceed one million copies. Even if he suddenly lost his mind and started writing something like Zaimokuza's amateur manuscripts, the editors at Dengeki Bunko would still keep the quality under control."
"Exactly."
Ishikawa Hikaru nodded deeply.
"Editors are responsible for the commercial attributes of a novel. Some editors are extremely strict and will reject drafts that aren't commercially viable, forcing authors to rewrite them. That's why there's a famous legend in the publishing industry—editors hunting down authors at their homes if they fail to submit their manuscripts."
"Then you should really thank your editor," Hachiman Hikigaya said sarcastically. "If your editor weren't controlling your plot and setting, judging from your mental state, most readers probably wouldn't be able to accept your completely chaotic ideas."
"See? Everyone, this is a classic outsider's perspective."
Ishikawa immediately pointed accusingly at Hachiman.
"The essence of writing is creating something that doesn't exist. Some authors like projecting their own emotions into their works—authors like Yamada Elf love doing that. But in the end, writing is always a kind of deception."
He continued:
"For most authors, reality is simple—if writing a certain way makes money, that's how they write. They'll write characters they don't even like as long as the work sells and keeps them alive in the publishing industry."
He shrugged.
"Outsiders then look at the novel and think, 'Ah, the author must be exactly like this character.' That's a classic anti-intellectual misunderstanding. It's the same with actors—people see a character in a movie and assume the actor is exactly like that person. Hachiman-sensei, how many Japanese actors have been caught in scandals?"
"What you're describing probably only applies to a portion of authors," Hachiman replied, staring at him with his famous dead-fish eyes. "And you aren't that type of author, are you? I've read your light novel. With your personality, money probably isn't even your main concern."
"Curse you," Ishikawa gritted his teeth. "Did you see through my attempt to manipulate your thinking?"
"Um…"
Yui Yuigahama awkwardly tapped her fingers together.
"I actually don't really understand what you two are talking about."
"Student Yuigahama, you don't need to understand."
Ishikawa explained patiently.
"For readers like you, what matters isn't the author's personality. What matters is whether the story is good, whether the characters are likable, and whether the story can make you happy or move you emotionally."
He pointed toward Hachiman again.
"It's the same with Master Hikigaya. Even if he wrote a bestselling novel, his dead-fish eyes and gloomy personality wouldn't change. No matter how good his novel is, the tragic reality that he has no friends would remain the same."
"Your premise is wrong from the beginning," Hachiman replied flatly. "Why would I write novels just to become popular? Why don't you say I'll write novels to make my future wife fall in love with me?"
Unexpectedly, Yukino Yukinoshita spoke up.
"That might simply be because you aren't famous enough."
She continued calmly.
"Osamu Dazai was able to make female readers fall in love with him and even commit suicide with him. That phenomenon was inevitably influenced by the ideas expressed in his novels."
She paused briefly.
"Of course, such cases only occur under special circumstances. But if your work reached that level of influence, perhaps it could change your tragic fate of lifelong solitude."
"Club President Yukinoshita is absolutely correct."
Ishikawa nodded solemnly.
He took out a pen and a small notebook from his pocket and pushed them toward Hachiman.
"Here is a pen. Here is paper."
He spoke seriously.
"Hachiman-sensei, now is the perfect opportunity for you to become the next Osamu Dazai."
"Use these tools to rewrite The Life of the Unpopular Hikigaya."
"?"
---
47. So, Has the Problem Child Ever Had a Girl Confess to Him?
Nothing particularly remarkable happened during the Service Club meeting.
No new requests arrived, and Hiratsuka-sensei didn't bring in any new problems.
They simply discussed their progress, clarified their responsibilities, and mocked Hachiman a little more.
After teasing him for a while, Ishikawa Hikaru suddenly looked at his phone as if he had received a message.
"My editor needs me to check something. I have to go. See you tomorrow."
"Tomorrow is Saturday," Yui Yuigahama said while waving. "You should say see you next week."
"Then see you next week."
Although Hachiman Hikigaya and Yukino Yukinoshita said nothing, they gave a small nod.
Ishikawa waved goodbye and left the clubroom.
After returning home and greeting his mother, he went to his room and turned on his computer.
He opened Line, synchronized his email, and sent half of the manuscript for Volume 5 to his editor, Kagurazaka Ayame.
Only then did he message Yamada Elf.
{Nothing interesting happened today, so I came home early.}
{Want to play some games?}
Yamada Elf didn't reply immediately.
So Ishikawa stood up, walked to the bookshelf, and pulled out an old text—Izumo no Kuni Fudoki.
He sat down and began reading quietly.
After some time, a message notification sounded.
He immediately took a picture of the book and sent it.
Yamada Elf: {Hit me? But what should I hit?}
(Image)
Ishikawa: {You replied late. I'm already reading a book.}
Yamada Elf: {I was cooking! It's not like I can just wait at home for food like you!}
Yamada Elf: {But what is this? Some ancient Chinese text?}
{Wrong.}
{It's actually an ancient Japanese document from the Nara period. Back then Japan used Chinese characters for official texts, which is why it looks Chinese.}
Yamada Elf: {Wait—you know Chinese too?!}
{No need to announce it everywhere.}
Ishikawa placed the book beside the desk.
{My parents worked in China for a while, so I studied there until middle school.}
{You could say Chinese and Japanese are both my native languages.}
---
48. So, Will the Problem Child Become the Savior of the End of the Century?
To outsiders, a writer's life seems glamorous.
A writer sits at a desk, pouring their heart and soul into manuscripts that will one day inspire readers.
But for Ishikawa, most of the time it looked like this:
Yamada Elf: {Did you read the latest Bunshun article?}
{No. What happened?}
Yamada Elf: {Another famous voice actor got exposed for cheating.}
Yamada Elf: {I almost cast him in my anime adaptation… good thing the scandal came out early.}
{Then just hire Yoshitsugu Matsuoka.}
{That guy finishes work and goes home to play video games every day.}
Yamada Elf: {What are you doing now?}
{Writing a novel.}
Yamada Elf: {Even without inspiration?}
{Maybe inspiration will come while writing.}
Yamada Elf: {I refuse to write without inspiration!}
{Of course. A top writer like you needs inspiration.}
He saved the manuscript and closed the laptop.
Then he opened Line again and messaged someone else.
{Is your brother home? I'm dragging him out to play tennis.}
It was sent to Komachi Hikigaya.
Komachi: {Yep! He's lying on the sofa playing games!}
{Got it. I'll arrest him shortly.}
Ishikawa shoved his phone into his pocket and left his room.
Passing through the living room, he saw his mother watching the classic medical drama The White Shadow.
"You really love this show, don't you?" he teased.
"This must be the third time you've watched it."