Around ten o'clock at night, I ran to a certain meat restaurant parking lot after receiving a call and let out a hollow laugh.
"Haha, life really moves in interesting ways."
In the parking lot, there was a new foreign car that looked like it would easily cost over 150 million won and I could see through the windshield that the seat vinyl unique to new cars still remained, as if it had not been long since it was released.
An expensive foreign car and a brand-new car.
For a designated driver, it was an unwelcome combination.
My head spun just imagining the aftereffects I would have to endure if I accidentally scratched it.
But there was another part that was truly troublesome.
The customer who called the designated driver was standing in front of the foreign car.
Coincidentally, the opponent was an acquaintance.
"Huh? Is this for real? Lee Ju-seong! You're Ju-seong, right?"
A height nearing 190cm, a face that looked small, and long legs.
He was a handsome man who naturally brought the words unrealistic proportions to mind.
The combination of a beige coat, a crisp shirt that looked like it had just come from the cleaners, and jeans was ordinary, but when the man wore it, it felt very stylish.
I scratched the back of my head awkwardly toward the man who recognized me and acted happy to see me.
"Uh... long time no see."
"Wow~ I get to see a nostalgic face here. Contact me first sometimes. I almost forgot your face because I haven't seen you in so long."
"I've been busy lately."
"Hey, who isn't busy? Everyone makes time to show their face even when they're busy. But did you have a company dinner nearby too? Are you on your way home?"
He smelled of alcohol every time he spoke, perhaps because he had been drinking heavily, and his voice, added to by the alcohol, rang out like audio with an amplifier.
A group of people coming out of the store and passing the entrance of the parking lot heard the man's voice and greeted him excitedly.
"Mr. Dong-won! Thank you for your hard work filming!"
"We're moving on to the third round! Have a safe trip home!"
"Please take good care of the next season's filming as well!"
Thanks to the voices mentioning filming, I could tell that there was a wrap party for a drama inside the meat restaurant.
Popular actor, Kim Dong-won.
He was a man famous as a box-office guarantee, having a record of acting as a lead in a movie with ten million viewers, and appearing in various other movies and dramas, easily surpassing the break-even point quite often.
Talented, box-office guarantee, next-generation acting icon.
They were all terms referring to Kim Dong-won.
In particular, the OTT exclusive drama starring Kim Dong-won, which has now reached season 5, was breaking the highest records in Korean drama history every time.
[Money Game : Battle Coin(Nano Machine Ability User Survival)]
It was the title of a fantasy survival drama in which talented actors gathered around Kim Dong-won were playing active roles.
Money Game was a hot topic that dominated the top of the OTT charts every new season.
Thanks to Kim Dong-won and the lead actors in the drama, K-dramas were evaluated to have advanced one step further from the existing stage and reached a new level.
That great Kim Dong-won was expressing his joy at seeing me.
I breathed life into my expression and answered, fearing I might look weak.
"You called me."
"Huh? What?"
"You called a designated driver, right?"
"Ah...."
Kim Dong-won looked embarrassed upon realizing that the designated driver he called was me.
Awkward air flowed between Kim Dong-won and me.
It was inevitable.
Kim Dong-won and I were from the same university's theater department, and we were college classmates and acting colleagues who debuted as actors around the same time.
However, one was a popular actor who had just come out of a wrap party after having fun, and the other was an unknown actor who was called in to receive money while working a side job because he had no work.
It was natural for awkwardness to linger since we met in extreme situations.
While both of us were feeling awkward, a beautiful woman with a refined atmosphere got out of the car from the back seat of the foreign car.
"Senior~ when are you going to leave?"
The woman who got out of Kim Dong-won's car was in her late 20s, wearing a baseball cap, a character T-shirt, a grass-colored jumper, and cotton pants.
The will to not want to attract attention from her surroundings was conveyed by the cap pressed down deep and the thick horn-rimmed fashion glasses.
Nevertheless, her beauty was great enough to overflow through all the camouflage tools.
A goddess representing the era, the nation's crush, a talented actor who started as an idol.
It was a woman named Jung Ah-young, who was famous for breaking all CF records in the last 5 years.
One was a national actor and an icon of handsome men, the other was a self-proclaimed Korea's best beautiful actress and the CF queen.
How many people would not be intimidated in front of one of Korea's leading beautiful men and women.
However, I took a deep breath and put strength into my lips to make a smiling face.
"Yes~ I have arrived. Should I take you straight to the address you entered in the app?"
It was unavoidable that my face was recognized by my college classmate Kim Dong-won, but I didn't want to have my identity discovered and receive looks of pity even from Jung Ah-young, with whom I wasn't particularly close.
Kim Dong-won also read my mind and feigned ignorance, pretending to treat a stranger.
"We need to stop by one place on the way to drop off my companion. I've entered the place we need to stop by in the car's navigation, so please take care of it."
I was concerned that it was a new foreign car I had never driven before, but all worries ended up being groundless once I got into the driver's seat.
The operation methods and options were not much different from the previous generation vehicles of the same brand that I had driven several times before.
While I was looking at the internal structure, Kim Dong-won sat in the passenger seat and Jung Ah-young sat in the left back seat.
I checked Jung Ah-young's complexion in the rearview mirror and then grabbed the steering wheel.
"Then, we will depart."
Moving along the path entered in the navigation, all sorts of thoughts floated in my head.
Did Jung Ah-young perhaps recognize me?
The last time I met Jung Ah-young was five years ago during the filming of Money Game Season 1 Episode 3.
At that time, I appeared briefly in Episodes 1 and 3 as an extra.
At that time, Jung Ah-young was already starting to be recognized as an actor while receiving evaluations of being a post-idol, and she was in a different class from me, who was wandering around in extra roles, let alone minor roles, because my career continued to decline.
In terms of status, we lived in different worlds enough to be comparable to a princess and a woodcutter.
Among famous actors with excellent character, there were those who quietly took care of extras, and there were cases where beautiful stories were revealed later.
However, Jung Ah-young took care of me beyond the level of simply being considerate of others.
'Hello! Senior!'
'Senior! Aren't you hungry? Would you like some snacks? My fans gave them to me, but there are so many that I'm sharing them.'
'Senior! Senior! What kind of feeling would be good to act on this part?'
She suddenly greeted me first even before the filming of Episode 1 began, and treated me kindly by calling me senior every time.
I found out after the filming of Episode 1 that the consideration began as Jung Ah-young listened to what Kim Dong-won muttered lightly as if passing by before the filming.
'Huh? Why is Ju-seong here? Sigh, it wouldn't hurt to contact me in advance. I understand because of the circumstances, though.'
'Is he someone you know?'
'He's my college classmate and acting colleague. We debuted around the same time. But... hmm, how should I put it? Haha, you roughly know what I mean, right?'
'Ah~'
Since he was just one of many people passing by for a moment anyway, she could have forgotten him as he was, but this naturally kind young lady never just passed by a single dandelion blooming on the roadside.
Senior... Senior... Senior....
Chuckle.
As if I had any right to be called a senior.
The interest toward me was burdensome, so I deliberately kept more distance, and thus I left the Money Game filming site without regret after finishing my role as an extra for the amount written in the daily worker contract.
And after cleanly erasing Jung Ah-young from my mind, I returned to a life of enduring day by day.
Tap! Tap-tap! Tap-tap-tap!
Throughout the drive, the sound of tapping on phone screens was heard from the passenger seat and the back seat.
Both Kim Dong-won and Jung Ah-young were busy tapping on their phones.
I thought that stars were indeed different.
They must have many places to contact and many places to receive contacts from.
Since they were top stars even among stars, wouldn't the number of times others contact them first be overwhelmingly higher than the number of times they contact others first?
I was really envious that they could decide the reply time and priority by their own will.
In my case, I'm grateful if even a normal greeting comes.
Still, thanks to the two of them keeping their eyes fixed on their phone screens, I was able to focus on driving without burden.
[You have arrived at your destination. The guidance function will be terminated.]
The place we arrived at along with the navigation alarm sound was in front of a luxury mansion, and a reader or a password was needed to enter the complex.
When I stopped the vehicle in front of the barrier, Kim Dong-won lifted his head, which he had been bowing to look at his phone, with an oops expression.
"Ah, right. I should have asked you to stop at the roadside before standing in front of the barrier, but I forgot. Ah-young, if you come this far, you have to go through the barrier and exit through the outlet within the complex, right?"
Jung Ah-young realized only then that she had arrived and put her phone in her handbag as if throwing it.
The phone left her hand and went into the handbag she had opened halfway in advance.
"I'll get off here. I'll open it for you by typing the barrier password, so go straight out as soon as you pass through."
The moment I heard the answer, I felt a long breath escape my nose and my raised shoulders sink.
As soon as I realized I was relieved, I questioned my own reaction.
Relieved?
I ended up being relieved at the fact that Kim Dong-won didn't know the password to the front gate barrier of Jung Ah-young's mansion.
The two of them had been photographed by paparazzi together many times before, and since the two of them returned together naturally today, I thought that maybe they had developed into a special relationship without others knowing.
It didn't seem to be a particularly special relationship.
But even if the two had no relationship, what could I do?
It felt pathetic that private feelings, although instinctive, surfaced toward people living in another world.
Jung Ah-young got out of the car and rhythmically pressed the number pad attached to the barrier pillar.
Soon after, the barrier went up.
"Senior! I'll contact you when my schedule is free soon!"
Despite the strong signs of being drunk, Jung Ah-young greeted and saw Kim Dong-won off in a lively tone.
I passed the barrier and gradually increased my speed to go straight to the mansion exit. And only after leaving the mansion and having the conviction that my voice could not be heard by Jung Ah-young, did I open my mouth.
"I enjoyed watching Money Game Season 5. I'm looking forward to Season 6."
It was a conventional compliment thrown to try to loosen the awkward atmosphere.
However, the words thrown after much thought did not serve as a tenderizer at all.
Kim Dong-won looked beyond the car window with a serious face and said as if throwing it out.
"Ju-seong, you did one play last year, didn't you?"
"It wasn't something great enough to show off to others. It was a performance at a small local theater, that's all."
"I was relieved to know that you haven't given up on your life as a performer."
"I wondered if I could work hard at other things when I can't even work hard at what I want to do."
"Hut, I don't know about other parts, but I recognize your mental strength. I've met many people, but there was no one who didn't show how hard it was on the outside as much as you."
It was a lie to say it wasn't hard.
However, I just didn't express it because I thought nothing would change if I showed how hard it was on the outside.
It was possible because my nature is negative, so I have a personality that denies even negative thoughts.
I was embarrassed to take Kim Dong-won's compliment at face value, so I threw a mischievous reproach.
"By the way, why are you searching for someone else's filmography as you please? Don't do background checks."
"Look who's talking. Didn't you say you also searched for and watched the dramas I appeared in?"
"Is that the same as this?"
"Hahaha!"
We laughed loudly for a while.
By the time the laughter subsided, Kim Dong-won had a distant look in his eyes as if he were lost in reminiscence.
"Honestly, I still think your acting skills are better."
"Hey, even though we're close, let's not play deceptions."
"No, it's not a deception, it's the truth. Honestly, during the early days of our debut, I was very envious behind your back seeing you doing well."
It was a story from exactly ten years ago, when Kim Dong-won and I were in our final year of college.
At that time, while looking into various works to enrich my filmography, I suddenly passed a movie audition.
It was a movie with a production cost of 3 billion won, and although it was a scenario far from being enough to rank at the top in theaters, it was a work more than enough for a debut of a fledgling aspiring actor.
On the other hand, Kim Dong-won's debut work was an art film for submission to a film festival, barely produced by the director, actors, and acquaintances of the actors pooling their own money.
The results of our debut works were also the exact opposite.
My debut work easily surpassed the break-even point, and Kim Dong-won's debut work was eliminated without even passing the preliminary screening.
I snorted unintentionally as soon as I recalled the old thoughts.
"At that time, I thought I would continue to draw an upward curve."
Since my debut work was a supporting role, I thought I would be able to continue to get roles at least above a supporting role from the next work.
In other words, I became arrogant and mistook a production cost of over 3 billion won and at least a supporting role as the lowest point of my acting life.
Without knowing that this industry is a place where there is no bottom.
After my debut work, I was called around only for minor roles, let alone supporting roles, and ended up in the current situation.
Unknown actor for 10 years.
That was my title now.
But when Kim Dong-won, who has lived the honest upward-curving life I had hoped for, says that I am better than him, I couldn't help but snort.
Like a childhood friend, Kim Dong-won spoke his opinion based on facts rather than empathy without hesitation.
"Your problem is that you try to act a character beyond the given role."
"It's troublesome if you suddenly transform into an acting academy instructor. My bank account is light, so I can't pay the academy fees."
"I'm saying this because it's a pity that someone with your talent is still unknown when you could break out at any time. Relax a bit more. Even when you're acting a minor role or an extra, you add invisible settings as you please, don't you?"
I replied in a tone one level brighter than before as if dealing with a point of pride.
"Because it's easier to immerse myself and the level of completion becomes higher if I do that. It's something any actor does."
"You're too excessive. Our job isn't to act like a high-complete person."
"Then?"
"Our job is to act the image that the audience wants to see. It would be enough to decorate and show a low-grade version of life so it looks good, but since you try to show everything down to the pores and fine hairs in high resolution, things get tangled up in many ways."
Honestly, I was a little impressed.
For me, I thought it was unconditionally good if the completion was increased, but the fact that the meaning changes completely depending on the angle you look at it came across as fresh.
"I haven't thought about it being accepted in that way."
"Did you also add invisible settings by yourself when you appeared as an extra in Season 1?"
"...."
"You did it, you did."
"It's good to talk about acting properly after a long time, hey."
"Hahaha, your mental strength is really like a diamond. If I were you, I wouldn't have lasted 3 years, let alone 10."
Kim Dong-won, who was laughing brightly, suddenly got a bad expression.
Nausea from the influence of excessive drinking had come up.
He wasn't the type who could hold his liquor well since college, but it seemed he overdid it today to keep up with the pace of the people around him.
While looking around, the moment I passed a tour bus parked on the roadside, a drink vending machine installed on the sidewalk caught my eye.
Since my peripheral vision is overwhelmingly wider than others, I discovered the drink vending machine that was hidden by the tour bus; if it were someone else, they would have passed by without seeing it.
I said while stopping the car on the roadside.
"You're going to throw up in your new car at this rate. Let's have a glass of water, catch our breath, and go."
"Just go. You'll have to take a call immediately after this job is over, too."
"It's better than seeing you throw up next to me. Get out quickly."
"Ah, I'm really sorry. I'll add a little more tip when I pay."
"Enough of that, just get out quickly!"
"Gosh, you're rushing me like crazy."
Kim Dong-won got out of the car only after some bickering characteristic of close friends.
It was quite a sight to see a top star staggering and rummaging through his wallet to find a bill to put into the drink vending machine.
There was no one on the sidewalk, and the view toward the road was completely blocked by the tour bus, so there was no worry that someone would witness Kim Dong-won.
While I was checking Kim Dong-won's behavior in the side mirror, the phone vibrated.
A message had arrived.
From the person I thought would absolutely never contact me.
[Jung Ah-young : Senior! Thank you for the ride! I was so drunk and out of it. Let's have a meal together with Senior Dong-won next time! For sure!]
She had recognized me from the time we encountered each other in the parking lot.
'Senior~ when are you going to leave?'
To think that those words were directed at me.
I completely mistook them as words being said to Kim Dong-won and let them pass as if I didn't know.
From Jung Ah-young's perspective, it must have appeared as if I were heartlessly ignoring her.
Nevertheless, she contacted me after plucking up her courage.
"My contact information. You didn't delete it and kept it all this time."
I thought it was a bit wrong not to reply when she was being this caring.
Since it was proper to clear up the misunderstanding, I replied moderately.
[Lee Ju-seong : I was going to just let it pass thinking you didn't recognize me. Thanks for your concern. Contact me when you have free time soon.]
If only Kim Dong-won had recognized me, I would have thought he was treating me like an actor because of our friendship, but since even Jung Ah-young still treated me as a senior, I gained confidence.
After sending the reply, I folded my two arms on the steering wheel and giggled.
"Acting a person beyond the role, huh... it feels good to be recognized."
I was happy with the fact that it's just a category that doesn't make money, and not that I myself have no talent and am addicted to futile hope.
In fact, if things continued to not work out like this, it was a state of mind where it wouldn't be strange whenever I broke.
But thanks to Kim Dong-won and Jung Ah-young, the motivation to keep trying arose.
Let's try a little harder.
Someday, the day will come when the sun shines even in a mouse hole.
While I was motivating myself with a positive mood, a knocking sound was heard from beyond the driver's seat car window.
Knock knock knock.
When I rolled down the car window, a man in a helmet on a motorcycle was looking at me.
A black face guard was attached to the helmet.
At night, specifically?
I tilted my head, feeling a sense of incompatibility in various ways.
"What's the matter... Kehugh!"
Before I could finish the words asking for his business, the helmeted man's hand intruded into the car.
When the helmeted man withdrew his hand, a bloody knife was held in his hand.
It was my blood.
I realized it only after feeling hot liquid flowing near my neck.
That I had been stabbed.
While my voice did not come out, strength left my body regardless of my will.
Soon after, a voice that would make me understand this whole process flowed out from the gap in the helmet.
"Who the hell are you to Ah-young...."
He seemed to be a stalker lingering around Jung Ah-young's house.
It was certain that he had witnessed what happened in front of the front gate barrier while lingering around Jung Ah-young's house today as well.
Jung Ah-young calling out to the driver's seat as a senior caused a misunderstanding.
'Senior! I'll contact you when my schedule is free soon!'
From a distance, he mistook the person driving for Kim Dong-won, and as having a relationship more than a friend who sees each other often even without a schedule.
In fact, it was said to me.
Even I, usually, would have misunderstood that the relationship between the two was not ordinary, so if it were a stalker who only encountered news of the two through gossip, it wasn't strange for his imagination to reach a dangerous area.
On top of that, the dark face guard the stalker wore to hide his face was decisive.
"Die, you piece of trash."
The stalker impulsively poured out his own anger and ran away.
I grabbed my neck, where bleeding was severe, and tried to call Kim Dong-won, who would be nearby.
"...! ...!"
However, far from making a voice, only empty air circled inside my mouth.
Is this the end?
It was a life punctuated by indifference.
The reason I was obsessed with acting was also because it was the only field in my life where I received the attention of others.
Attention. I just needed attention.
Has there ever been a time in my life when I was the protagonist?
Unfortunately, there wasn't.
If only for once, I wanted to be the protagonist.
The kind of protagonist who exerts an overwhelming presence that dominates the stage.
To think that one single time wouldn't be allowed.
It was only resentful.
A moment later, as my consciousness became distant enough that I could no longer even attempt a silent scream, my eyelids fell downward.