"Oho? You're approaching me?"
"Give it up, Lori. I've already beaten Morty and Grandpa Rick." Said Summer wearing a belt of garlic and holding a wooden spike firing crossbow. "Take the antidote, now."
"You really think I'll be that polite? I've drunk at least 3 gallons of french blood! All from Paris no less!" Exclaimed Lorimer with a crazed smile as he floated above Summer. "Do you think you can defeat this much rudeness?!"
"I have to."
What in the goddamned f* k is going on right now?! Is probably the question we're all asking at the moment.
I admit, even I'm asking this question and I'm the BLOODY NARRATOR.
Maybe my parents were right. I'm not cut out for this. I should've become a doctor or something.
...ignore that. Let's uh...rewind a bit.
clears throat*
The Smith family, save for Beth and Jerry, were all sitting around a pool of gold coins ready to jump in.
"Alright, who's going first?" Asked Rick with a smile.
"Ooh ooh! Me!" Said Morty excitedly as he raised his arm.
"Okay, on three." Said Lorimer excitedly. "One, two-"
"You guys know that's not gonna work, right?" Said Summer with a deep frown. "You're just gonna break your bones!"
Rick rolled his eyes and stepped forwards towards Summer.
"Summer, we're vampires. I'm sure we have bones more durable than an old duck in a swimsuit." He said with a frown. "Now, shut up so we can watch Morty jump into a pool of pure gold coins."
As if on cue, Morty jumped into the pool with a giant smile on his face before he fell flat on the pile of gold coins.
"What was that, Morty? Where's the technique?" asled Lorimer angrily.
"There's a technique? I thought he just dives in." Replied Morty in confusion.
"Oh my god, have you even seen DuckTales?" Said Lorimer with a frown before gracefully diving into the pool of gold coins. "THIS is how you dive into a pool of gold."
Rick and Morty clapped for the beautiful display of skill and Lorimer took it with a smug smile.
Rick turned to Summer with a smile and spoke. "You were saying?"
Summer frowned and crossed her arms before Rick also jumped into the pool of gold coins with some success.
They stayed in the pool under Summer's angry glare for a minute that was interrupted by a delicious smell.
The three vampires drooled at the smell, unable to contain themselves.
"Oh my god." said Rick happily, taking in the delightful aroma.
"What's that smell? It's so good." added Morty
The three vampire turned to the source of smell and saw a normal guy who had been just stabbed by a robber.
Unable to contain themselves, the three vampires pounced on the guy and began sucking him dry.
Not in THAT way for the FREAKS among you. So filthy minded, am i right?
"What the heck?!" Exclaimed Summer in a panic a sshe saw her family drink the blood of a random person turning him into a shriverled husk.
By the time the guy was completely dry, the three vampires realized what they had just done.
"Uhh...Rick?" Said Morty in shock and horror.
"You three need to turn back, right now!" Said Summer in a stern tone.
"I mean, he was already gonna die. Might as well die for a good cause, am i right?" Said Rick jokingly only to be met with silence. "Alright, alright. Let's go get the antidote."
But since you've already seen a glimpse of the future, you probably know that they don't take the antidote.
"Uhh, Rick? I'm not feeling so good." Said Lorimer clutching his stomach. "That's a, OW, reference by the way."
Morty soon followed and clutched his stomach and it wasn't long before Rick began feeling it too.
The three vampires screeched one by one before flying into the air, searching for more blood to quench their thirst.
"Oh no." Said Summer in a panic as she saw her family fly off.
Oh no, indeed.
Summer ran into Rick's garage and found the antidote. She then took the crossbow they used to capture the original vampire as well as a lot of garlic.
She hopped into Rick's ship and checked the time. It was 3 hours till sunrise.
It was a battle against time...and three of her family members turned vampire...and the smell of garlic...and not accidentally spilling the antidote...and-
You know what? I'm just gonna stop.
xxXxx
"Okay, we need to find Grandpa Rick first." Said Summer with clear urgency. "Ship, where is he now?"
The ship displayed a map to where Rick was and Summer headed there as fast as she could.
There, she found Rick lounging in a pool of blood and corpses.
Her first instinct was to shoot Rick with a wooden spike firing crossbow.
Rick dodged and flew to Summer with an angry look on his face.
"What the f*k, Summer?!" Said Rick angrily.
"I'm bringing you back, grandpa Rick." Replied Summer with a loaded crossbow aimed at Rick.
"As a corpse?! You were gonna kill me!"
"What?"
"You were aiming at my heart. Usually the wooden stick through the heart is the go to way to KILL A VAMPIRE!"
"Uhh, well, take this!" Said Summer before throwing a whole garlic at Rick.
The garlic bounced harmlessly off of Rick's skin and he crossed his arms in disappointment and frowned.
"You didn't even bother to chop them up or even crush them?" Asked Rick in disappointment.
Summer didn't reply and instead pounced on Rick to administer the antidote which had to be inserted into the neck by its needle.
Summer CLEARLY didn't think this through as Rick just caught her hand before throwing her back in the car.
"You know what? Just give me the thing, I'll do it myself!" Said Rick angrily before taking the antidote from Summer and injected it into himself.
The effect was immediate as Rick flopped into the ship like a ragdoll.
Before passing out, Rick left Summer one last message. A middle finger to show how disappointed he was in her performance.
"As*ole"
Next was Morty and Rick was still asleep.
Thankfully, this time, Summer knew what she was doing and thus could bully Morty more effectively.
"Morty! Get over here and take the antidote." Said Summer angrily.
"Huh?" Morty noticed his sister as he floated in the air and slightly panicked. "N-no! I've never felt this alive before!"
Morty tried to run away, but Summer was able to get his arm with a wooden spike using her crossbow.
He started flailing in the air like a fish deprived of water.
She then threw crushed garlic clovers at Morty which proved to be effective when it brought him to the ground.
Morty screeched at Summer as she approached him with the antidote in hand.
Before he could struggle, Summer threw some more crushed garlic.
"Ow! Ugh! What the-" Summer threw more garlic. "S-sto-"
MORE GARLIC! Summer was relentless with the garlic, making sure Morty wasn't going to fight.
"I'll take it, please stop-" Summer threw some more crushed garlic for good luck before FINALLY, she injected the antidote into his neck.
Summer loaded her brother into the ship and began flying to the last vampire, Lorimer.
Who was currently in Paris...in France.
The trip left them with 30 minutes to spare until sunrise.
"Oho? You're approaching me?"
"Give it up, Lori. I've already beaten Morty and Grandpa Rick." Said Summer wearing a belt of garlic and holding a wooden spike firing crossbow. "Take the antidote, now."
"You really think I'll be that polite? I've drunk at least 3 gallons of french blood! All from Paris no less!" Exclaimed Lorimer with a crazed smile as he floated above Summer. "Do you think you can defeat this much rudeness?!"
"I have to."
Aaaand we're back.
Summer began the fight by throwing crushed garlic at Lorimer who blocked it using the cape that came with his cool vampire clothes.
Lorimer then fired a barrage of gold coins at Summer.
Summer ran away and hid behind a building to avoid the golden rain of coins.
"C'mon, it's a rain of gold coins. Have you ever even tried playing any game with an Italian plumber?!"
"Can you stop making references that no one gets FOR ONE MINUTE?!"
"No, it's you who's an uncultured swine." Replied Lorimer looking down Summer before dodging a wooden spike. "Pitiful attempt!"
"Sure thing, theater kid." Said Summer rolling her eyes before firing another wooden spike at Lorimer.
Lorimer didn't move or dodge, he simply stood in his place and caught the spike.
"Woah." Even Summer was shocked.
"I know, right. That must've looked so badass." Added Lorimer in surprise.
It did, but this is fanfiction so...only text. But at least you have me and my alluring hot text *wink*...please don't leave me.
Moving on, Lorimer flew to Summer and held her up into the air by the neck.
"Any last words?" Asked Lorimer with a smug smile.
"How many times did you practice that line?" Asked Summer with a frown.
"Too much to even count!" Yelled Lorimer loudly as he raised his claws to attack.
Sadly, before he could kill Summer, he was shot in the neck with something that made him very drowsy.
Rick shot Lorimer with an antidote depriving this narrator of his desire for death.
"Finally!" Exclaimed Summer angrily.
"Hey, i was busy turning this thing into a gun. Let's just get in the ship and go home." Said Rick before he and Summer headed towards the ship.
"Hmm, why does it feel like we're forgetting something?" Asked Summer as the sun began rising. "Something important."
"Did you leave the stove on?" Asked Rick raising a brow as they made it inside the ship with a sleeping Lorimer.
"No, that's not it." Replied Summer
"Ahh, Junior, you've grown so big." Said Morty while sleeping inside the ship.
"...we forgot the baby."
The horror quickly set in as Rick and Summer immediately hurried as fast as they could to the smith residence.
"I can't believe you two abandoned Junior!" Exclaimed vampire Beth angrily.
"Hey, sweetie! I see the couples therapy did something with vampire Jerry over there." Replied Rick nervously.
"Don't change the subject!" Beth cut in.
Rick went silent and before another word could be said, he shot Beth and Jerry with the antidote, sending them to sleep.
"You're gonna erase their memories aren't you?" Asked Summer calmly.
"Yup."
"I'm gonna blackmail you with this." Added Summer calmly.
"Nope."
And then, like secret santa, Rick left no witnesses by shooting Summer with the antidote sending her to sleep as well.