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Chapter 5 - Chapter 5: Luofu Miscellany — ( ゜- ゜)つロ Cheers~

Caelus sat in Asta's office chair.

Several creased letters stamped with gilded family crests lay off to one side.

They were Asta's family letters, filled with melodramatic tales of elite households and brutally straightforward corporate warfare.

For example: forged stock-transfer agreements and fake critical-illness notices.

There were also ordinary letters full of familial concern—such as one from Asta's mother asking why she had spent only twenty million credits in a certain month, and reminding her not to skimp on food or lodging just to save money...

"..."

In any case,

Caelus had nothing to say, and nothing he could reasonably object to.

Unexpectedly, peeking into the young lady's past revealed even more than the game ever had...

This, too, was probably part of "Asta's reward."

...As thanks for saving a staff member's life, she had granted Caelus broad freedom to act as he pleased on the space station.

Caelus did not stand on ceremony.

If anything, he went a bit too far.

Leaning back into the same chair Asta had once used, he slowly spun halfway around and looked up at the immaculate white ceiling. The intelligent climate system hummed softly, sending out a gentle breeze. Warm-toned lights poured down from above, and the room's temperature was maintained at an astonishingly comfortable level...

Even this otherwise unremarkable office chair surpassed every gaming chair and ergonomic chair Caelus had used in his previous life. Just resting against the neck pillow felt as soothing as one of those expensive neck-and-shoulder massagers...

"Hiss..."

"This feeling... it's as refreshing as putting on brand-new underwear on New Year's morning!"

Caelus stretched lazily.

His mind was at peace.

He tried turning on Asta's personal computer, labeled "Asta's Own," "99% New," and "Minor Cosmetic Damage," and found there was no password. The browsing history contained only a handful of shopping sites.

[Flying Dog Marketplace: an online shopping platform under the Interastral Peace Corporation]

[Universal Luxury: a members-only premium internal purchasing platform]

"..."

"A 20,000-credit item... with 200,000 credits of shipping?"

"The universe is terrifying... I'd better go look at Luofu Miscellany instead..."

[Galaxy Search Encyclopedia: Luofu Miscellany]

[...]

[If Luofu Miscellany keeps this up, it's going to drain all the Xianzhou's luck dry! #WisdomOfTheAncestors #UtterNonsense]

["The Don't Cry Challenge"]

["Whenever I Think of You I Go Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho♡~"]

[♡ Click here for cute Diting videos ♡ Great value ♡]

[This video violated community guidelines and has been automatically deleted...]

["Little Guizi Guinevere": New streamer, please follow!!!]

"...Hm?"

Caelus clicked into the stream—

The screen flickered, and a familiar face appeared:

Orange hair in a ponytail, golden eyes, and a radiant smile. She had a lovely figure, wore Hanfu with black pantyhose, and gave off an indescribably bright and lively charm.

"Hello, hello~~"

"Hey, hey, hey~~! Are we live yet?"

"Uh, everybody... can you see me?"

The female streamer blinked. She looked innocent enough, though on a streaming platform, that might well have been an act.

Then she leaned close, squinting one eye at the camera as though trying to figure something out. Distorted by the lens, the angle magnified her features in a slightly odd way, making her eyes look bigger than usual—yet they still sparkled with life. Her porcelain-white skin and exquisite face remained flawless even under that brutal close-up.

DanDanTalkTalkTalk: A new female streamer?

Aether Wars Fan AG: Damn! The streamer is seriously adorable!

JingFangFang: Post your beauty filter settings.

Sword Up Sleeve: The 578th girl I've met at the age when I'm most powerless, yet still makes me want to spend the rest of my life with her...

Watch Diting + Bark Buddy: ♡ Click here for cute Diting videos ♡ Great value ♡

CantThinkOfAGoodName: What a beautiful face...

CantThinkOfAGoodName: Wait! Streamer, what are you about to do!?

The bullet comments flew across the screen, her follower count skyrocketed, and the stream's popularity kept climbing.

The bottom-left corner showed she had been live for only ten minutes.

After all, that was the kind of face that could "toe the line" just by sitting silently in front of the camera...

...But.

The streamer herself clearly had no awareness of this. She fumbled around, shaking the camera several times without figuring out where the comments were. In the end, she simply set down her jade abacus-phone and grabbed the items beside her...

A gong and a suona.

"Ahem!" Guinaifen cleared her throat, beat the gong and drum, and sang:

"This little girl left home and wandered far,

Across the four seas and through eight directions.

Raised in comfort, skilled in nothing at all,

So I earn my silver through song and showmanship.

With staffs I dance, with blades I play,

All manner of weapons laid at my side.

I pluck and sing, I chant fine verses,

Fewer melon seeds, more applause!

And now that I've arrived at Luofu Miscellany, that means—"

Clang clang clang~~~!

The gong rang out.

[...]

[...]

The dense stream of comments that had filled the screen until just moments ago abruptly stopped.

Th-this was okay?

A beauty streamer... who wasn't actually a beauty streamer?

Opera singing, storytelling, juggling, role performance—this hard-core stage act paired with blurry video quality sparked a storm of question marks in the chat.

Perhaps the art form was both too old-fashioned and too avant-garde at the same time. Viewers came and went. Many could not understand it and left at once, but many others stayed behind.

Caelus found himself smiling.

There was a lot from the game he no longer remembered clearly, but Little Guizi was exactly as he remembered.

He truly thought her still side profile at the beginning had been stunning, and the way she fumbled with her equipment had made her seem like a beautiful little airhead—but the moment she started moving, it became silly in the best way.

Well... her smile was still just as sugary and reassuring as ever.

Guinevere, Guinaifen, Little Guizi...

Come to think of it, "Guinaifen" was the Xianzhou name Sushang gave her, so by this point, has she already met that "Li Big Pillow"... ?

As he thought this, Caelus used Asta's account to help himself register an account on Luofu Miscellany.

[Please enter a nickname]

...

Trailblazer, Traveler, Rover, Commander, Master, Doctor...

Entered nickname: Galaxy Baseball Bat Hero

Clang clang clang—clang~~~!

After finishing a song, Guinaifen wiped the thin sheen of sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand and looked expectantly at her phone.

She fiddled with it for a while, then let out an "Eh?" as if suddenly enlightened.

"Awesome! I understand everything now~!"

"Ah, so the streamer wasn't playing dumb. The screen on my side is so complicated. Anyway, it's way more troublesome than watching someone else stream..."

Guinaifen chattered endlessly, performing a one-woman routine as if she came with her own straight man. Fueled only by sheer enthusiasm and a beautiful face exposed mercilessly by the raw camera, she somehow managed to make the stream genuinely lively—

"Oh huh! What's this, what's this?"

Suddenly, dazzling animated effects flooded the screen. Along with a bright red banner, Guinaifen abruptly realized what had happened.

"Thanks to Galaxy Baseball Bat Hero for the Diting Storm!"

Guinaifen beamed and called out at full volume:

"—Boss, you're so generous~~!!!"

"Huff huff huff~~~ This should be Little Guizi's first gift, right? And it's the most expensive gift right off the bat. I'm amazing... huh? I shouldn't say 'most expensive,' that's too blunt? ...Aah, sorry, sorry, I'm just too excited!"

"Ahem~!"

"Thank you, boss, for supporting me. Whatever performance you want to see, as long as I can do it, I'm willing to do anything!"

Guinaifen was bright and enthusiastic.

She spoke fast and directly, clearly without realizing how questionable that sounded...

Never Tired of Ruining People: So she's that kind of streamer?

Aether Wars Fan AG: Oho, can this stream even stay up?

IDidntMeanAnythingByIt: Streamer, wow, you really have nothing in your head except pleasing the boss, huh!

Playing Cards With My Life: Boss, send me 50 Strales so I can see what you've got.

I, High Elder, Send Money: Friend from beyond the stars, I am the Vidyadhara High Elder. I was harmed by vile abominations and have slumbered for a thousand years until only now awakening. I must naturally restore my people. Unfortunately, I have lost all worldly possessions. I ask this outlander friend for aid—lend me fifty thousand credits for now. When I return to the Xianzhou, I shall record a great merit in your name, and when all is accomplished, the treasures of the Vidyadhara shall be yours to choose from.

Most Handsome Man in Aurum Alley: If you believe that, you might as well believe I'm the emperor of some ancient kingdom.

No Sea Beneath the Skiff: Streamer, your black tights look a little snagged. My family makes stockings. Why don't you send them to us so I can inspect them for you?

JingFangFang: Post your face customization code.

Watch Diting + Bark Buddy: ♡ Click here for cute Diting videos ♡ Great value ♡

"Hm? Hm?"

Guinaifen blinked, cheeks reddening. A beat later, she finally realized she had said something weird.

Trying to cover up her embarrassment, she turned around and complained instead:

"Stop saying weird things, you guys. I can't even see what the boss is posting anymore... eh, no, that's not what I meant! I wasn't trying to force the boss to send an SC! ..."

"Uh, boss, you really did send one. You've spent too much, too much~..."

Still grinning, Guinaifen looked over and read the eye-catching red message aloud:

"[Streamer, can I get a refund on the grounds that I'm underage?] ...Huh? Huh?"

"Boss, you're joking, right? Don't scare me...!!"

He was not joking.

Only then did Caelus realize that Asta's device had charged the gift directly to Asta's account with no password required.

What was this supposed to be? Embezzling public funds to send gifts to a female streamer...

Wait, I'm technically underage now, aren't I?

Since it had come to this—

"Eh, what did the boss say this time... [Forget it, streamer, can you perform biting a lighter?]"

"Huh?"

"Biting a lighter?"

"What kind of new street performance is that...? I've never heard of it, Boss Galaxy Baseball Bat Hero..."

Even so, still full of confusion, Guinaifen pulled out a lighter.

She parted her soft peach-pink lips, revealing neat white teeth. Then she glanced at the comments again and said crossly,

"What do you mean smoking? I only carry a lighter because I perform fire-breathing, okay? Seriously... this is a traditional Xianzhou art!"

"Enough talk—here I go!"

"Everybody, like, follow, and repost! Give Little Guizi some courage!"

"Aah-woo...!"

Click click.

She actually bit it...

Caelus was taken aback. Was this girl too easy to fool?

And then—

Guinaifen's pointed canine tooth struck the lighter's ignition, triggering a small explosion.

Pop.

"Aw-woo! My tongue!"

"Wuwuwu... I messed up the act..."

Caelus: "..."

On screen, the girl was half-laughing, half-crying, a watery sheen rising in her eyes, her speech all muddled. She was partly embarrassed, partly delighted, and from the corner of her eye she noticed the stream's popularity soaring higher and higher. Against all expectations, the broadcast effect was absurdly good...

But joy turned to disaster—

The wildly popular stream, packed with comments, suddenly went black.

[This live content is suspected of violating regulations and is currently under correction!]

[???]

[???]

[LMAO!]

[Streamer don't go, just send me either the beauty settings or the face customization code, please, I'm begging you, I'll do anything...]

[♡ Click here for cute Diting videos ♡ Great value ♡]

Without its main attraction, the stream was left in utter chaos.

Some viewers attacked each other and engaged in "friendly discussion." Some hit follow, waiting for the next stream. Others stubbornly kept spamming ads...

Caelus closed the page, browsed a while through interstellar internet news, Interastral Peace Entertainment, and Interastral Peace Games, then asked himself with full sincerity:

"This wasn't my fault, right?"

"Yeah, that's right, Little Guizi. It wasn't me who ruined you—it was Luofu Miscellany! ..."

With that conclusion, he stretched lazily and slowly spun halfway around in the chair again.

About ten minutes later,

rather than seeing Guinaifen's stream restored, he spotted a very familiar实名-on-the-net ID on a gaming site.

It was the player rankings for Aether Wars, and one nickname was climbing the leaderboard at an utterly illogical speed, shooting straight to first place—

Silver Wolf.

Caelus: "..."

After thinking for a moment, Caelus clicked into the account and discovered that despite being ranked first, it still had its direct messages from strangers open.

What was that supposed to be—confidence born of supreme skill?

Galaxy Baseball Bat Hero: Yo, Wolf Auntie, using hacks again?

Silver Wolf: Calling me a hacker, are you?

Silver Wolf: Address or apology?

The other side replied instantly.

Then there was a half-second pause.

Silver Wolf: Hm?

Silver Wolf: ...

Silver Wolf: Hm?

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