Kai didn't usually drink.
Not like this.
A glass here and there, maybe at events, maybe when he had to. But never enough to lose control. Never enough to stop thinking.
Tonight was different.
He didn't even remember how many drinks he had.
It started as one. Then another. Then he stopped counting.
The noise around him didn't matter. The people didn't matter. The conversations were just background sound he wasn't listening to.
His mind kept going back to one thing.
Adrian.
The way he looked at him last night.
The way he didn't answer.
"Are you happy?"
Kai let out a quiet laugh, holding his glass loosely in his hand.
"…You couldn't even say yes."
That answer had stayed with him the whole day.
It shouldn't matter.
But it did.
More than it should.
---
By the time Kai left, he wasn't steady anymore.
Not completely.
He wasn't falling over, but his steps weren't as controlled as usual. His thoughts weren't either.
Everything felt slower.
He got into the car, leaning his head back against the seat.
"…Home," he muttered.
The driver nodded and started the car.
---
The ride felt longer than usual.
Kai closed his eyes, but that only made things worse.
Because now, all he could see was Adrian.
Standing there.
Looking at him.
Not pushing him away.
Not stopping him.
---
Kai opened his eyes again.
"…This is stupid."
But even as he said it, he knew he wasn't going to stop.
---
When the car finally pulled up, Kai stepped out slowly.
The cold air hit him immediately, but it didn't help much.
He still felt warm.
Still felt restless.
---
The house was quiet when he walked in.
Too quiet.
He slipped off his shoes, barely paying attention, and walked inside.
The lights in the living room were still on.
Which meant—
"Kai?"
Adrian's voice.
Kai looked up.
Adrian was standing there, watching him.
His expression changed slightly as he got closer.
"You've been drinking."
Kai let out a small breath. "Yeah."
"You don't drink."
"Not usually."
Adrian frowned slightly. "How much?"
Kai shrugged. "Enough."
That answer didn't help.
---
Adrian stepped closer.
Kai could see the shift in his expression now.
Concern.
Annoyance.
Something else.
"You shouldn't come home like this," Adrian said.
Kai gave a faint smile. "Why? I made it back, didn't I?"
"That's not the point."
"Then what is?"
Adrian didn't answer immediately.
Instead, he studied him.
Really looked at him.
"You're not thinking clearly," Adrian said.
Kai let out a quiet laugh. "I think I'm thinking too clearly."
---
That didn't sound right.
And Adrian knew it.
---
"Go upstairs," Adrian said. "You need to rest."
Kai didn't move.
"Not yet."
Adrian's expression tightened slightly. "Kai."
"Just… wait."
There was something in his voice.
Something off.
---
Adrian didn't like it.
But he didn't walk away either.
---
Kai took a step closer.
Then another.
Slow.
Unsteady, but intentional.
---
"You didn't answer me yesterday," Kai said.
Adrian frowned. "This isn't the time—"
"Are you happy?"
There it was again.
The same question.
But this time, it felt heavier.
---
Adrian exhaled slowly. "You're drunk."
"Answer me."
"Kai—"
"Just answer."
---
Silence.
---
Kai laughed softly.
"…You still can't."
Adrian's jaw tightened slightly. "This isn't something you—"
"Then what is it?" Kai cut in.
His voice wasn't loud.
But it was sharper now.
"Why can't you just say it?"
---
Adrian didn't respond.
And that was enough.
---
Kai shook his head slightly.
"…You're unbelievable."
He took another step closer.
Too close now.
---
Adrian didn't step back.
But he noticed.
Of course he did.
---
"Kai," he said, lower this time. "You're not in the right state to talk about this."
Kai looked at him.
Really looked at him.
And for once—
He didn't hide anything.
---
"Then stop acting like I don't know what I'm saying," Kai said quietly.
Adrian's expression shifted.
Just slightly.
---
"You think I don't see it?" Kai continued.
"See what?"
Kai let out a breath.
"…The way things are."
---
Adrian's patience was wearing thin.
"This is going nowhere."
"Yeah," Kai said. "Because you won't let it go anywhere."
---
That hit something.
Adrian stepped forward slightly.
"Kai. Enough."
---
Kai went quiet for a second.
Then—
He smiled.
Not his usual calm smile.
Something softer.
Looser.
---
"…You're always like this."
Adrian frowned. "Like what?"
"Controlled."
Kai lifted a hand slightly, like he was trying to gesture but didn't quite finish.
"Everything has to make sense to you."
"And this doesn't?"
Kai shook his head.
"No."
---
Another step closer.
Now there was barely any space between them.
---
Adrian could smell the alcohol now.
But more than that—
He could feel the tension.
---
"You should go to your room," Adrian said again.
Kai didn't move.
"Why?"
"Because you're not thinking clearly."
Kai tilted his head slightly.
"…What if I am?"
---
Adrian didn't like where this was going.
Not at all.
---
"Kai."
His voice was firmer now.
A warning.
---
But Kai didn't react to it.
---
Instead, he looked at him for a long second.
Then said quietly,
"…You didn't stop me yesterday."
Adrian froze slightly.
---
Kai stepped even closer.
Now there was no space left.
---
"And you didn't push me away," he added.
---
Adrian's hand tightened slightly at his side.
"That was different."
"How?"
"You know how."
Kai shook his head.
"No. I don't think I do."
---
Another pause.
Heavy.
---
Then Kai did something neither of them expected.
---
He reached out.
Slowly.
Not grabbing.
Just… touching.
His hand brushed lightly against Adrian's shirt.
---
Adrian caught his wrist immediately.
Not rough.
But firm.
---
"Kai."
A warning again.
---
Kai looked at their hands.
Then back at him.
"…You always stop me."
"You're drunk."
"That's not why."
---
Adrian didn't respond.
---
Kai's gaze dropped slightly.
Then lifted again.
---
"…Just this once," he said quietly.
---
And before Adrian could react—
Kai leaned in.
---
It wasn't clean.
Not perfect.
Not planned.
---
It was messy.
Unsteady.
---
But clear.
---
He tried to kiss him.
---
Adrian turned his head just in time.
Kai's lips brushed the corner of his jaw instead.
---
Everything stopped.
---
For a second—
Neither of them moved.
---
Kai froze.
Like his brain was trying to catch up with what he just did.
---
Adrian's grip on his wrist tightened slightly.
Not enough to hurt.
But enough to ground him.
---
"…Kai," he said, low and controlled.
---
Kai didn't respond.
---
His breathing was uneven now.
Not just from the alcohol.
---
Adrian slowly pushed him back.
Creating space.
Finally.
---
"What are you doing?" Adrian asked.
His voice wasn't loud.
But it wasn't calm anymore either.
---
Kai blinked a few times.
Like he was trying to focus.
"…I…"
He stopped.
Then let out a quiet breath.
"…I don't know."
---
That was the first honest thing he said.
---
Adrian studied him.
Closely.
---
"You need to go upstairs," he said.
This time, it wasn't a suggestion.
---
Kai didn't argue.
Didn't push.
Didn't try again.
---
He just nodded slightly.
"…Yeah."
---
Adrian let go of his wrist slowly.
---
Kai stepped back.
Then another step.
---
For a moment, it looked like he was going to say something.
But he didn't.
---
He just turned and walked away.
Slow.
Unsteady.
But quiet.
---
Adrian stayed where he was.
---
Not moving.
---
His mind replayed it instantly.
The moment.
The distance.
The almost.
---
His jaw tightened slightly.
---
"…This is a problem."
---
But this time—
It didn't sound the same.
---
Because now—
It wasn't something he could ignore anymore.
---
Upstairs, Kai leaned against the door after closing it.
His heart was still racing.
His head still spinning.
---
"…What did I just do?"
He ran a hand through his hair, breathing out slowly.
---
He remembered.
Every second.
---
And that was the problem.
---
Because even now—
Even after everything—
---
He didn't regret it.
---
That scared him more than anything else.