The thing about Dobrincho Dobrev was that he fit his name perfectly.
That was why he did not take it to heart when his neighbor threw the waste of his cats into the barrel with Dobrincho's sauerkraut.
Dobrincho died because of that. He died like an unsung hero.
The police took the neighbor, a grumpy old man, and threw him in prison, where he became something like a mafia boss.
But the world was not over for Dobrincho! No, he went to the Great Beyond!
"Is he a hero?" a voice in the nothingness said.
"Hardly," another one told him. "This guy is about as anti-hero as one can get!"
"Why?" the first voice asked. "Was he evil during his life?"
"No," the second voice said. "He was good. Too good. Now everything is over for him, and he does not even want to use his one right to curse the person who killed him."
"Healer, then?" the older voice asked. "I don't see him as a heavy hitter."
"Why?" the second voice asked. "He is quite fat."
The two voices shared a laugh.
"If I may," a female voice said, as Dobrincho heard something like the rustling of a skirt. "We don't have all day. Please, just assign him a task and be done with it!"
"Healer," the first voice told her. "He is no good for anything else."
"Healer," the other voice also agreed.
"Healer, then! But I don't want him to die before he can free the world from the Archdemon Salim the Bellydancer!"
The other two voices sighed.
"What are you going to give him?" the older voice asked her.
"A bodyguard!" she chirped. "A terror bird! If something attacks him—and plenty of things will attack him because he is weak—then the bird will protect him!"
"Or eat him?" the older voice asked.
"That will be fun to watch!"
The lady huffed.
Dobrincho was transported into the world of Pangea—a supercontinent with a desert in the middle.
With that, the work of the three beings was done.
But Dobrincho's work had just begun!
For he, with all his fat, had to save the world from something that was not only powerful but also a weapon of mass destruction in veils.
The Archdemon.
A demon who now had a private army of heroes who had looked at his ass while he danced and lost their ways.
And V-cards.
****
Dobrincho looked at the strange forest around him. He looked at the bird next to him, which had killed a wolf pack just seconds ago and was eating the remains.
He had not lifted a finger. He had just screamed like a little girl and the bird had done the rest.
"You are scary," the young man, who was twenty years of age and already shaped like an apple, decided to be honest with the bird.
It looked at him, regarded him as a possible meal, and then just decided that if push came to shove and there was nothing else to be eaten, then it would be Dobrincho's turn.
For now, the terror bird just decided to keep him around as livestock.
"Where are we?" Dobrincho waited.
No system screen appeared. No little fairy to tell him how to save the world.
No GPS breadcrumbs on the forest floor.
He looked around. There was a backpack hanging from a tall branch.
If he tried to climb the tree, he was most certainly going to fall and break his neck.
There were other branches around. He picked up the longest one he could lift and started to hit the backpack.
"Hopefully there are no eggs inside," Dobrincho told himself.
The backpack fell. He opened it.
There wasn't even a zipper; there was just something like a clasp that disappeared as soon as Dobrincho opened the bag.
Still, there was no system screen to be found.
He looked inside. There were clothes, a chainmail, a gambeson, a wineskin—which he hoped was filled with water and not wine—and three apples.
There was also a note there.
"Have fun, loser! Stay away from festivals! If you see someone doing a bellydance, yell! Your terror bird will do the rest!"
Dobrincho saw that there was also a single golden coin glued to the note. He took it and gathered everything from the backpack. Then he looked around.
There was nothing to tie up the backpack with. He couldn't just keep it open like that!
From the corner of his eye, he saw something like a small blue light around the wolves.
Could it be? Was he really in a game world? Was he supposed to loot these beings?
He went to a wolf and touched it. He got a golden ring with an emerald, some knitting yarn, and a coin.
Dobrincho took in a sharp breath.
"Wow, now that is what I call a stomach! The wolf ate a ring and it stayed! Incredible!"
He went from wolf to wolf, getting some more jewelry and coins. The last one, the alpha, had something shiny and yellow in it that glowed.
Dobrincho smelled the trap. He decided not to touch it.
But his hungry terror bird had a different opinion!
The bird hit the thing with its beak.
It activated!
Dobrincho heard a howl from afar. It sounded like the rambling of a volcano!
"We have to run!" the new "savior" of the world said. "This is a boss summon!"
The terror bird did not move an inch.
Dobrincho hid in the bushes. There was no time to flee!
A wolf as big as a sequoia tree stormed into the clearing!
Dobrincho didn't want to die again!
His bird started to jump at the wolf, but unlike the smaller, non-mutant ones, it could not push the beast to the ground.
Dobrincho looked at all the things he had gotten from the wolves. His eyes landed on the knitting yarn.
He rubbed it in the poison ivy to his right and threw it at the wolf.
The animal was gigantic, and the yarn hit it on the paw!
The system finally showed itself!
"Yarn of Doom multiplier effect used with poison ivy! Calculating… Throwing dice! Natural 20!"
The fur of the boss wolf fell off. Wounds and rashes appeared on its skin.
It died with white foam in its maw.
Dobrincho gathered the ebony bow and arrows from the creature.
The terror bird continued to eat undisturbed.
For now, her livestock had proven itself useful.
But the second it stopped, he was going to become a human kebab!