1. Chuck Norris threw a grenade and it killed 50 people, then it exploded!
2. Chuck Norris can put out a fire with a gallon of gasoline!
3. Chuck Norris can punch your imaginary friend!
4. Chuck Norris has a diary, it's called The Guinness book of world records!
5. Bigfoot claims he saw Chuck Norris!
6. Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris's leg, after 5 days of agonizing pain, the Cobra died!
7. Chuck Norris once won a game of connect four in three moves!
8. Chuck Norris can drown a fish!
9. Chuck Norris counted to infinity, TWICE!
10. When the boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris!
11. Chuck Norris does not sleep, he waits!
12. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open!
13. When Chuck Norris touches water he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris!
14. Chuck Norris can eat just one lays potato chip!
15. Chuck Norris can divide by zero!
16. Hand sanitizer can kill 99.9% of germs, Chuck Norris can kill 100% of whatever he wants!
17. Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in!
18. They tried to put Chuck Norris's face on Mount Rushmore, but the granite was not hard enough for his beard!
19. Jesus can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land!
20. Life can be tough… but Chuck Norris is tougher!
21. The flu has to get Chuck Norris shots once a year!
22. Chuck Norris does not use spell check, if he happens to misspell a word Oxford will change the spelling!
23. Chuck Norris never dials the wrong number, you just picked up the wrong phone!
24. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird!
25. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door!
26. Chuck Norris donates his chest hair to the police to be made into bulletproof vests!
27. Chuck Norris skip the rock across the lake about 65 million years ago, now there aren't any more dinosaurs!
28. Chuck Norris doesn't scroll with a mouse, he uses a lion!
29. Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food, cause the food knows it's place!
30. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked the hulk in the face, now he hides in the forest and changed his name to Shrek!
31. Chuck Norris doesn't need a GPS, he decides where he is!
32. Chuck Norris played Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun and won!
33. Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience
34. Chuck Norris in fact knows what you do with a drunken sailor early in the morning!
35. Chuck Norris makes onions cry!
36. After Chuck Norris was born he drove his mother home from the hospital!
37. Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the shit out of it!
38. Chuck Norris has been to mars, that's why there's no signs of life!
39. Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest!
40. Chuck Norris doesn't read books, he stares them down until he gets the information he wants!
41. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table… cause Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise!
42. Chuck Norris's blood type is AK-47!
43. When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he doesn't push himself up he pushes the world down!
44. Chuck Norris can speak French, in Russian!
45. Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano!
46. Chuck Norris once won a staring contest with his own reflection!
47. Chuck Norris's calendar go straight from March 31st to April 2nd, cuz no one fools Chuck Norris!
48. Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice from a banana!
49. Chuck Norris can clap with one hand!
50. Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade you've ever tasted!
51. Chuck Norris doesn't need a watch, he decides what time it is!
52. Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter!
53. Chuck Norris once made a Happy meal cry!
54. Chuck Norris actually died in 1995, it just took the grim reaper 21 years to work up the courage to tell him!
55. Chuck Norris isn't dead, he just stopped breathing to give oxygen a Fighting Chance!