"I destroyed the sweets shops because they were in my way." Satori's voice was already cracking with frustration. "I don't care about that sickly sweet garbage at all."
"You just called chocolate sticks garbage?" Shin-chan looked as though he had heard the most blasphemous thing imaginable. "Misae said chocolate sticks are the greatest gift the gods ever gave children."
"I am a god!"
Satori completely lost control.
The enormous mouth on its abdomen opened to its limit as purple chakra gathered inside it wildly, warping even the surrounding air.
"Die, brat."
A purple energy beam far thicker than any of the previous attacks blasted toward Shin-chan.
The fleeing ninja in the distance closed their eyes in despair.
"It's over. That kid's going to be vaporized."
"So this is its true power..."
Wherever the purple beam passed, shattered stone and dust exploded into the air.
When the smoke cleared, there was nothing left where Shin-chan had been standing.
"Dead?" Satori panted heavily.
That attack had nearly drained all of its chakra.
There was no way the brat could still be alive.
"I'm over here."
A familiar voice rang out.
Satori roared and charged again, its claws tearing through the air as they swung toward Shin-chan.
Shin-chan disappeared once more.
"I'm over here."
"I'm over here."
"I'm over here."
The same voice came from every direction.
Shin-chan flickered around Satori like a ghost, and every time he appeared, he said something that sent Satori's blood pressure soaring.
"Your claws are really sharp. Can you scratch my back?"
"Don't your wings get tired when you fly? Want to stop and rest while eating some dango?"
Satori could read minds.
But it could not understand Shin-chan's thoughts.
The brat's mind jumped even faster than the Flying Thunder God.
One second, he was thinking, Getting my back scratched feels great.
The next, he had moved on to, What should I eat for dinner tonight?
There was no transition.
No logic.
He could even think about three things at once—the flavor of chocolate sticks, Chashu's dried fish, and whether Satori's feathers could be used to make calligraphy brushes.
"Stop! Just stop!" Satori finally snapped. "What the hell do you want?!"
"You can't destroy sweets shops anymore, and you can't eat ninja either. Ninja don't taste good. Ramen is way better."
"Why should I listen to you?"
"Because you can't hit me. And if you don't leave soon, I'm going to use my ultimate move."
"Ultimate move?" Satori sneered. "Besides jumping around with that stupid space-time ninjutsu, what else can you do? Talk me to death?"
"That's right. Talking nonsense." Shin-chan nodded seriously. "This is my ultimate technique—Nohara Style: Gourmet Mental Pollution Jutsu."
He cleared his throat and began speaking without pause.
"First, the proper way to make tonkotsu ramen. You have to simmer the bones for twelve hours, and you can't add extra water halfway through. You keep cooking until the broth turns milky white, then add two slices of chashu, one soft-boiled egg, chopped green onions, and nori..."
"Next are ten secret ways to eat chocolate sticks. You can soak them in milk, put them inside bread, melt them and dip strawberries in them, or freeze them in the refrigerator to make chocolate popsicles..."
"And matcha dango has to be freshly steamed. The skin should be thin, the filling should be generous, and when you bite into it, the filling should ooze out..."
Satori stood frozen in place, its entire body beginning to tremble uncontrollably.
Its mind-reading ability was still operating automatically, which meant Shin-chan's brain was now simultaneously broadcasting high-definition images of countless foods.
Tonkotsu broth bubbling away in a pot.
Steaming chocolate fondue.
Matcha dango bursting with filling after a single bite...
Worse still, none of the images followed any logic or pattern.
One second, it was ramen.
The next, dorayaki.
Then pudding.
Mixed between them were random thoughts like, Misae said I'm only allowed three chocolate sticks a day, but I secretly ate five.
"Shut up! Shut up!" Satori clutched its head and screamed in agony. "I don't want to hear this! I don't want to know ramen takes twelve hours to cook! I don't want to know there are ten ways to eat chocolate sticks!"
"There's an eleventh way too," Shin-chan continued without the slightest intention of stopping. "Break a chocolate stick in half, put a slice of cheese in the middle, then heat it up. Super delicious!"
"AAAAAAAH!!!"
Satori screamed.
It had endured countless brutal battles and had never experienced despair like this.
It did not fear ninjutsu capable of killing it.
It did not fear power capable of destroying the world.
It feared this brat whose head was filled entirely with food.
Satori flapped its enormous wings and scrambled into the sky.
"I never want to hear the words 'chocolate stick' again!"
It flew away at incredible speed, not daring to look back even once.
"If anyone mentions ramen to me again, I'll kill them! If anyone mentions dango, I'll rip out their tongue!"
In the distant sky, a black silhouette vanished over the horizon at astonishing speed, leaving behind a fading trail of furious screams.
The entire battlefield fell into dead silence.
Every ninja who had just been fleeing for their lives remained frozen mid-run, staring dumbfounded at Shin-chan.
That ultimate weapon that could read minds and evade every attack...
Had been driven away by a twelve-year-old brat talking about food?
Who would believe that story?
Just then, hurried footsteps came from the distance.
Jiraiya and Hatake Sakumo arrived with their squads, everyone wearing grave expressions.
"Where's the monster?" Jiraiya asked immediately. "We saw it flying this way earlier. Did it hurt any of you?"
Everyone pointed toward the sky in perfect unison.
"It ran away," one ninja said blankly.
"Ran away?" Jiraiya froze. "Which direction? Who drove it off?"
Everyone pointed at Shin-chan in perfect unison again.
Jiraiya and Sakumo exchanged glances, both seeing disbelief in the other's eyes.
"Shin-chan?" Jiraiya walked up to him. "You drove Satori away?"
"I talked to it about food for thirty minutes. Then it grabbed its head and ran away. It even said it never wanted to hear about chocolate sticks again."
Jiraiya: "..."
Hatake Sakumo: "..."
Kakashi: "..."
Obito: "...That actually worked?"
Guy suddenly clenched his fist, blazing flames igniting in his eyes.
"Incredible! This is the ultimate secret of youth—using the power of food to reform the enemy!"
Obito looked at him as though he were an idiot.
Rin couldn't help laughing. "Shin-chan always manages to do things no one expects."
"Let's return to camp first." Jiraiya looked around. "We'll report what happened here, then figure out how to track Satori down."
The group began heading toward Konoha's frontline camp.
Shin-chan walked at the very back, pulling out all kinds of snacks and handing them around as he went.
"This dorayaki is really good. Try some."
"And I've got chocolate sticks too. Strawberry flavor."
"This pudding is from the Daimyo's residence. It's super sweet."