Within the Land of Grass, some of the Kusagakure survivors who had escaped the disaster began gathering together.
They discussed the young ninja who had descended from the heavens and defeated the monster with a bowl of ramen.
"I was the closest! I heard it clearly! What that lord was reciting wasn't some incantation—it was the authentic recipe for tonkotsu ramen!"
"No, no! What I heard was a recipe for miso ramen."
"You're both wrong. He was explaining how to properly chill pudding."
They argued endlessly, but there was one thing every survivor agreed on.
That boy was the messenger of the God of Ramen.
Perhaps he was even the God of Ramen himself, descended into the mortal world.
And so, an organization known as the Church of the Flying Ramen God quietly came into existence.
First Doctrine: Ramen is the most sacred food in the ninja world.
Second Doctrine: Tonkotsu is the most orthodox of all ramen broths, followed by miso, then shio, with soy sauce ranked fourth.
This doctrine caused fierce debate during the church's earliest meetings. The Miso Faction and the Shio Faction nearly split apart on the spot before they barely reached a compromise through the vague declaration that:
"All broths are children of the God of Ramen."
Third Doctrine: Chocolate sticks are snacks bestowed upon the mortal world by the God of Ramen.
Fourth Doctrine: The ultimate goal of the Church of the Flying Ramen God is to open a ramen shop in every village throughout the ninja world, so that anyone who wishes to eat ramen can enjoy a steaming bowl topped with double chashu and a soft-boiled egg.
It was said that this was the wish personally made by the God of Ramen while sealing Satori.
One Kusagakure survivor who had been present recorded the words exactly, and they became the central teaching of the faith.
Finally, the sacred portrait of the Church of the Flying Ramen God was completed.
In the painting stood a young boy.
In his left hand, he raised a steaming bowl of tonkotsu ramen.
In his right, he held a chocolate stick.
Behind him shone ten thousand rays of brilliant light.
Beneath the portrait were four large characters:
GOD OF RAMEN
...
Konoha Village, the Hokage's office.
The sunlight outside the window was bright and beautiful, yet the pressure inside the office felt as heavy as the sky before a storm.
The Third Hokage, Sarutobi Hiruzen, sat behind his desk.
Standing before him was a dejected young boy.
Shin-chan stood perfectly straight, both hands pressed properly against the sides of his trousers. His head hung low, and his eyes were fixed on the tips of his shoes.
"Do you know why I called you back?" the Third Hokage asked calmly.
"Because... I sealed Satori?"
"No."
"Because I saved the Land of Grass?"
"No."
"Because I..."
"Because you left the Daimyo's residence without permission." The Third Hokage placed his pipe on the desk. "Your mission was to protect Princess Ai Suotome. You were not permitted to abandon your post during the mission. Surely you knew that."
Shin-chan lowered his head even farther.
"I knew."
"And you still left?"
"Because the Sage of Six Paths came into my dream and told me Satori was going to eat all the chocolate sticks in the world..."
"So you ran off?"
"He also said Satori would destroy every ramen shop, stomp all the dango flat, and pour all the pudding into filthy drains..."
"That does not change the fact that you violated regulations."
"So..."
"Sealing Satori and saving the Land of Grass was a merit." The Third Hokage looked at him. "Leaving your assigned post without authorization was an offense."
"Then... they cancel each other out?"
"Merit is merit. Wrongdoing is wrongdoing."
Shin-chan's face clearly said, I knew you were going to say that.
"Starting today, your entire supply of chocolate sticks is revoked."
Shin-chan froze in place.
He looked as though he had been struck directly by a Lightning Style technique.
"Grandpa Third, what did you just say...?"
"Entirely revoked."
"Including the special ones from the Daimyo's kitchen?"
"All of them."
"Including the ones I buy with my own money?"
"All of them."
"Including the ones Chashu steals—uh, I mean, officially applies for on my behalf?"
"All of them." The Third Hokage's expression did not soften in the slightest. "For three months."
Shin-chan's legs gave out.
He collapsed directly onto the floor.
"How many days is three months? Ninety? Ninety days without chocolate sticks? Ninety times three means two hundred and seventy meals without chocolate sticks?"
"Your mathematics has improved." The Third Hokage nodded.
"Grandpa Third, can you punish me some other way? Make me copy the Ninja Code. Make me run five hundred laps around Konoha. Make me—"
"The last time you were punished by copying the Ninja Code, you used shadow clones."
"That was training for synchronized shadow-clone coordination..."
"The last time you were ordered to run five hundred laps around Konoha, you placed a Flying Thunder God kunai at the finish line and teleported there after running one lap."
"That was..." Shin-chan's voice grew quieter and quieter.
The Third Hokage gave him a look that clearly said, Go on. Let's see what excuse you invent next.
"Fine." Shin-chan lowered his head. "Three months it is."
"Then the chocolate-stick ban will last three months. No appeals."
"Grandpa Third, I have one request."
"Speak."
"Can you make it two months and twenty-nine days?"
"No."
"Then two months and twenty-eight days?"
"If you keep bargaining, I'll add another month."
Shin-chan trudged out of the Hokage's office.
Out of habit, he reached into his ninja tool pouch to pull out a chocolate stick.
Then he remembered.
Three months.
He sighed, withdrew his empty hand, and began walking home with his head lowered.
"Shin-chan!" Guy's eyes blazed with the flames of youth. "What happened to you?"
Shin-chan spoke in the solemn voice of someone reading out a death sentence.
"Chocolate-stick supply suspended. Three months."
Guy stared at Shin-chan, who looked as though half his life had been taken away, and clenched his fist.
"Shin-chan! Let me become your substitute for chocolate sticks!"
"No."
"I can do two thousand push-ups with you every day!"
"Even more no."
...
News spread quickly.
By the next day, the entire village knew about Shin-chan sealing Satori.
"I heard that monster called Satori had four legs, six wings, and eight mouths! It could swallow an entire squad in one bite! Lord Shinnosuke charged in alone and fought it for three days and three nights!"
"No, no! I heard he covered its entire body with Flying Thunder God sealing formulas and detonated them all at once!"
"Both of those versions are wrong. Ninja from the front lines saw it themselves. Lord Nohara kept talking to Satori during the battle until the monster suffered a complete mental breakdown."
"What could someone possibly talk about that would make a monster mentally collapse?"
"Lord Nohara said it himself. The technique was called the 'Gourmet Mental Pollution Jutsu.'"
And inside Konoha's sweets shop, the discussion surrounding the "hero's return" reached its peak.
"I've always said Shin-chan is destined to become Hokage!" The sweets-shop owner slammed his palm onto the table. "He fought the monster from the Box of Ultimate Bliss all by himself! What do you call that? That's the talent of a Hokage!"
"Boss, last time you said Shin-chan was destined to become the owner of a sweets shop."
"That was a slip of the tongue." The owner's expression did not change at all. "Besides, becoming Hokage and owning a sweets shop aren't mutually exclusive. The Hokage can run a sweets shop on the side."
~~~
Patreon(.)com/Bleam
— Currently You can Read 70 Chapters Ahead of Others!