Chapter 2: The Friendship System
"Easy, Pietro. It's not what you think." Ethan's voice was calm, steady — the tone of someone who'd talked people off ledges before (sometimes literally). "Besides, Stark didn't kill your foster parents. Not personally. And if you really want the truth? You're better off finding the guy and hearing it from him yourself."
Pietro clenched his jaw. His eyes burned for another second before the fire banked down into something colder — something that looked a lot like calculation.
"...Fine. Count me in on this job."
"That's what I thought." Ethan picked up the remote and clicked off the TV. "Tell the client to come by with the deposit. We'll grab Wanda and roll out as a four-man squad."
He turned to the table, which looked like a food bomb had gone off on it.
"Now clean this up, Wade. We open for lunch in twenty minutes and I'm not losing customers because you left chicken bones all over the place. Oh — and feed Wilson."
"I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND!" Wade threw his hands up, gesturing wildly at the front door. "WHY does the dog outside have MY name?! AND why is he wearing MY mask?! This is an INSULT to the great and powerful Deadpool! I should throw him in a pot and make hot pot out of him! This is DISRESPECT —"
Ethan rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Your Highness. For all you know, that dog IS you from another timeline. Have a little self-awareness."
He pointed a finger at Wade's masked face. "And if you don't shut up in the next three seconds, I'm chopping you into pieces and tossing you out front for the homeless guys to fight over. You know Hell's Kitchen — nobody around here asks questions about where the meat comes from."
While Wade continued his dramatic monologue to an audience of zero, Ethan quietly focused inward.
"Activate the All-Seeing Eye. Begin scan."
「DING!」
「All-Seeing Eye activated. Target information available.」
A translucent blue panel flickered into existence beside Deadpool — visible only to Ethan.
BASIC INFO:
[ Name: Wade Winston Wilson ]
[ Title: Deadpool ]
[ Race: Human(?) (Superhuman) ]
[ Friendship Level: ★★★ ]
[ Skills: Combat Techniques Lv.10 · Blade Mastery Lv.9 · Healing Factor · Motor Mouth Lv.MAX · Taunt Lv.MAX · Money Grubbing Lv.6 · Close-Quarters Combat Lv.9 · Endurance Lv.MAX · Immortality · Psychic Immunity · Fourth Wall Break (currently locked)... ]
Ethan stared at that stat sheet with naked envy.
Motor Mouth Lv.MAX. Of course.
Thank God the friendship reward this time had rolled Healing Factor instead. Last time, the random pull had given him Motor Mouth — and Ethan had seriously considered finding the nearest wall and restarting his life from scratch.
That was the thing about the System. Every friendship reward was randomized. Motor Mouth was annoying but harmless. The real nightmares were some of the skills he'd pulled from random street thugs he'd "befriended" on past jobs — garbage-tier abilities like Seduction, Coercion, and... other things he refused to name that belonged on an FBI watchlist, not a stat sheet.
Thankfully, the System had a Decompose function. Trash skills could be broken down into upgrade points for existing abilities. Small mercies.
Every random attribute pull felt like a slot machine — sometimes you hit jackpot, sometimes you got three lemons and a restraining order.
Ethan's gaze drifted to the front door, where the scarred-up mutt in the red eye mask was still sprawled out like he owned the sidewalk.
"Scan."
BASIC INFO:
[ Name: Wade Wilson ]
[ Title: Deadpool Dog ]
[ Race: Canine ]
[ Friendship Level: ★★★★ ]
[ Skills: Animal Speech Lv.MAX · Healing Factor · Acrobatics Lv.8 · Endurance Lv.MAX · Fetch Lv.10 · Roll Over Lv.10 · Enhanced Smell · Hearing Lv.10 · Temporal Factor... ]
That's right — the Deadpool Dog had already hit four-star friendship. But every reward pull from the mutt kept landing on stuff like Roll Over and Animal Speech.
What exactly was a grown man supposed to do with Roll Over? Perform at kids' birthday parties?
In the end, the only skill worth keeping had been Animal Speech — which, admittedly, had come in handy more than once.
But that Temporal Factor at the bottom of the list... that was what made Ethan's mouth water. A time-space ability was probably the reason this version of Deadpool's dog had ended up in their timeline in the first place. Normally, each timeline only had one Deadpool — and by extension, one Deadpool's dog.
The skill was still locked behind a higher friendship level, though. Ethan had been feeding that mutt premium cuts for months and still couldn't crack it.
What did worry him was the possibility that this timeline's Deadpool was the version who eventually breaks the Fourth Wall — the one who figures out the Marvel Universe is a story. That Wade was a whole different level of unhinged.
But based on the news coverage, this world's Tony Stark seemed to track with the MCU version. Iron Man. Cave in Afghanistan. Chest full of shrapnel. The whole origin story.
Which meant the priority right now was clear: rescue Tony Stark, befriend Tony Stark, and — God willing — absorb some of that genius-level intellect.
Being cursed with knowledge sounds pretty good right about now.
"Hey, Wade." Ethan leaned back, letting a grin spread across his face. "I've got a sure-thing money play. You want in?"
"ME! Me me me me me!" Pietro blurred into existence directly in front of Ethan, grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking him like a maraca. "Don't leave me out, Ethan! If there's money on the table, I'm THERE —"
Ethan swatted Pietro's hands away. "Dude. Can you please stop using your powers for every little thing? You want the whole world to know you're a mutant? We're lucky this is Hell's Kitchen — people here have seen enough weird stuff that they don't ask questions."
He glanced at Pietro's panel, still floating in the corner of his vision.
[ Name: Pietro Maximoff ]
[ Title: Quicksilver ]
[ Race: Mutant ]
[ Friendship Level: ★★★★★ ]
[ Skills: Super Speed · Strength Lv.10 · High-Speed Particle Vibration · Endurance Lv.10 · Hand-to-Hand Combat Lv.3 · Marksmanship Lv.2... ]
Five stars already. Didn't save this kid and Wanda for nothing.
But those combat stats were pathetic. Super Speed was carrying his entire build — everything else was bargain-bin at best. If Pietro kept coasting on raw speed without developing any actual fighting technique, he was going to end up exactly like his MCU counterpart.
You know — the version that got killed by bullets.
Ethan had opinions about that, by the way. Quicksilver — a guy who could outrun sound — getting taken out by regular gunfire? Yeah, that had nothing to do with logic and everything to do with the VFX budget. Someone at the studio had looked at the CGI invoice and said, "Yeah, the fast kid dies in Act Three."
Either way, Pietro needed a training montage. Badly. Ethan made a mental note to start drilling him this week.
"What kind of money play?" Wade was sprawled on the couch now, hands behind his head, one boot propped up on the coffee table like he was posing for a rap album cover. "If you're about to ask me for a loan, the answer is no, nope, and absolutely not."
Ethan couldn't hide the grin anymore. It spread across his face like a crack in a dam.
"You know how they say fortune favors the bold? Well, I'm about to go all in." He cracked his knuckles. "I'm taking every dollar I've got — minus rent and grocery money — and dumping it into the stock market. Short-selling Stark Industries."
He spread his arms wide. "So? Who wants to get rich with me?"
Pietro's face fell like someone had cut the strings on a puppet.
"You've lost your mind. Even with Stark's stock dipping right now, that's temporary. The second Tony Stark shows back up, the price rebounds and you lose everything. You're playing with fire, Ethan!"
Wade, meanwhile, simply turned his entire body away from Ethan on the couch. Full cold shoulder. Complete dismissal.
Betting your entire net worth on a stock tanking — and not just any stock, but Stark Industries, one of the biggest companies on the planet — was the kind of move that made even Deadpool question your sanity. No leverage needed. This was just plain stupid on its face.
Ethan looked at both of them and let out a cold laugh.
"Fine. Don't say I didn't offer. And when I'm swimming in cash, don't come crying to me for a loan."
If only they knew, he thought. When Stark comes back and shuts down the weapons division — when the stock craters for REAL — they'll wish they'd listened.