Kevin did not mean to see the bruises on Eva. It just happened one morning, three days after they left Georgetown, when Eva took off her shirt and got ready to take a shower. That was the time Kevin saw what her body had really been through.
There was a purple bruise on her ribs. There was a spot on her shoulder blade it was older and had started to fade. And there was a scar on her collarbone it was not from anything that happened with Whitfield or any of the other crazy things that happened. That scar was from a time ago when Eva was younger.
"Don't look at me like that " Eva said, without turning around. She saw Kevin in the mirror. Knew what he was thinking. "Stop counting my bruises."
"I am not counting them " Kevin said, trying to sound calm. But he was not calm he was really upset. "I am just looking at you."
"You are making a list of all my bruises " Eva said, turning to face him. She stood up straight. Did not try to hide. "This bruise is from a job I did in Prague two years ago. That one is from a car accident in Cape Town.. This scar". She touched her collarbone. "Is from my first job when I was nineteen years old and did not know what I was doing."
"That does not make me feel any better " Kevin said.
"It is not supposed to make you feel better " Eva said. "It is supposed to show you that this is not new. I have been doing this job for fifteen years. It is just what happens when you do this kind of work."
Kevin sat down on the edge of the bathtub. He just stared at the floor thinking about all his worries. He did not know what to say.
"I can make this better " Kevin said softly. "I have money to hire the best people to make sure you are safe on the job."
Eva got a towel. Wrapped it around herself. She was not trying to be modest she was just tired of talking about this. "What do you want in return?" she asked. "Because I know that nothing is free especially when it comes to you and your projects."
"That is not fair " Kevin said.
"Is it not?" Eva asked, folding her arms. "You want to pay for my safety to control who I work with and what equipment I use.. Then what? You will be in charge of me. I will have to do what you say."
Kevin wanted to argue. He did not know what to say.
"You would not own me on paper " Eva said, her voice softer now. ". You would own the ground I stand on.. I have worked hard to make sure that no one else can control me like that."
"I am scared " Kevin said, his voice shaking. "I love you. I saw you get hurt and everyone just acted like it was normal. How am I supposed to sit back and do nothing?"
"No one is asking you to pretend that you are not scared " Eva said, sitting down next to him. "You can be scared. You cannot use your money to try to control me."
"Why not?" Kevin asked, his voice cracking. "It is the thing I know how to do the only thing that will not fail me. Why can I not use it to keep you safe?"
Eva thought for a moment before she answered. "Because if I take your money it will not be mine anymore. This job it is a part of me. I need it to be mine. I need to know that I can do it myself even if it means getting hurt."
Kevin looked at Evas hand it was rough from work. He finally understood what she was saying.
"Okay no money, no safety equipment " Kevin said. "But I am still going to come to every set I am still going to read every safety report.. I am never going to pretend that I am okay with you getting hurt even if I know you will be fine."
Eva thought about what Kevin said. Then she nodded. "I can live with that " she said. "As long as you are just watching and not trying to control me."
"I will just watch " Kevin said, the words felt like he was losing something. "I will be scared. I will feel useless but I will just watch."
Eva leaned her head on Kevins shoulder and, for the time Kevin did not try to fix her problems. He just sat there being present letting Eva be herself.