"Why do you love Lizmarie so much?"
She is a very caring, sensitive, compassionate, considerate, kind, uplifting, and comforting individual. Who wouldn't fall in love with her? I hope that one day she reads this message and knows that she is loved despite her flaws. I am still thinking about you Lizmarie. I always will be even if I may never mean the same as you do to me.
I have been trying to get answers about our connection through my tarot card advisor and by rereading our last conversation texts on discord. I realize that you stated how you found interacting with people to be very draining and overwhelming. Perhaps you were a lot more introverted than I had realized. I am more of an extrovert or an ambivert so that made sense. Perhaps spending time with me felt draining to her while it was uplifting to me.
Story fragment Wuthering Waves:
[ "Is it really okay….to run away? ]
This was a question I could not answer, I was not Lynae after all. A voidstorm seemed like a natural disaster type of danger. Or well on such a large scale as one. It's like a giant dragon attacking a school where innocent students live.
Lyane and Rover are going to directly attack the Voidstorm?!
Perhaps I was very lucky to have Lizmarie decide to even give me a response when I said things that she did not appreciate. She gave me very long paragraphs as a response to explain her thoughts after all. Plus she said something of "over the course of a million years" she would make such a response. She stated that she wasn't going to respond at first not because she doesn't care but because she was stressed.
Well then, now I got the response of my messages not being read at all and her just blocking me in ways I didn't know could exist. On facebook, linkedin, Discord, Instagram, Honkai: Star Rail, and Wuthering Waves, I'm sure she blocked me on all of those. I was pretty sure I was also extremely stressed but we had two different reactions. She wanted to stay silent and avoid it all. Meanwhile I wanted to confront and tackle it as soon as possible.
Whoa, the director boss just basically made the assistant director do all this work of contacting people to be cosplayers only for him to not get permission from the agency at all. What a huge waste of time and effort for the assistant director. I feel so bad for the assistant director, to have a boss that is VERY inconsiderate to this extent is insane. This was an episode from Oshi No Ko by the way.
My tarot card advisor told me that Lizmarie was emotionally aware of me. I had finally been waiting for this day to come. I was told that Lizmarie could reach out to me in two weeks. Light started to shine in my eyes again, finally some hope in my life. I don't know if this is just a lie that my advisor gives to comfort me or if it's just misinformation but I needed to hear such a thing even if it was a lie.
[ Hey Lizmarie,
I know you may never reply or ghost me. I just wanted to say I am sorry for the way I treated you when I was mentally fucked up. I was really really mentally unstable and actively suicidal. I really didn't want to lose you because the depression that I felt when losing you was unbearable. While I've reread our last conversations a few times and gotten closer to closure. I just wish I got to hear your last message to me.
I just wanted to let you know that I'm writing a book for you. It is my love letter in a selfish way to you. I am sorry for any hurt and pain I may have caused you. I know that I may not deserve it but I wish to hear from you once more.
Sincerely,
Caleb C. ]
I asked my friend, Sebastian Ace, to send it to Lizmarie through her Instagram for me. He fulfilled my wish and sent her the message. I don't really expect to reply, but waiting for her message makes me anxious. I expected her to be mad at me too, but knowing her, she would be cold and not reply at all, honestly. She could make me wait forever for her, anxiously, and not care for me.
I met this beautiful woman when I was 18 which was the fresh start of adulthood. She was 23 at the time when meeting me and in the last year of her college. I was in the beginning year of my college. I soon fell in love with her 6 months after meeting her. Perhaps due to maturity differences, we weren't romantically compatible with each other. She is 5 years and 9 months older than me which is approximately 6 years older than me.
I recall listening to the album sung by Lauv "I met you when I was 18". It was extremely accurate when I really did meet her when I was 18. Sometimes I wished I was older and closer to her age so that I could have a chance with her. Nevertheless, she never gave a chance to date her at all. Yet here I am still smitten by her and the memories she left me.
[ Poetry about Lizmarie has begun:
Ingrained in my Soul
Ingrained in my Heart
Ingrained in my Mind
I'll drown in You ]
Unlike Lee Hakhyun, I didn't really erase sentences. I rarely erased sentences that I wrote yet my raw and bold choices led to some people liking my stories. I didn't exactly read my sentences either, I gave that job to my readers and my team of proofreaders and editors.
At last, I finally found some hope to move on from Lizmarie. How fitting when the chapter would be published on 116.
Story fragment ORV sequel:
[ "One person. Perhaps that one person is a different name to each and every Kim Dokja. There are also people who have come to understand you better while reading your story." ]
This was my reason for writing, in hopes that people would understand me better by reading my story. Understanding my grieving, my love, and etc.
What is this life of mine if not simply a vessel full of memories and in endless amounts of regressions?
Perhaps I may have fully moved on from Lizmarie Mateo Roubert from here on out.
I have stopped writing for a few days which included my beach outing and about Lizmarie altogether.