She remembered her Master's words clearly.
Once she stepped onto this path, there would be no turning back.
If she wished to learn, he would teach her—until the day she could cut down every last Abomination.
"Master…"
Jingliu could not stop herself from curling inward. She buried her face between her knees and sobbed quietly, the sound muffled against her own arms.
So that was why.
The reason Kanzaki had sealed his heart and refused to accept her all those years was the mara and the Self-Actualization Aspect.
Then what of Xueyi and Hanya? How had the two sisters known everything?
The diary did not answer at once.
The entries that followed recorded tactical plans against Abominations during Hunt expeditions, along with several decisive events that had shaped the years that came after.
[Star Calendar 6302, August 7.]
[The war is going poorly. The population of the Siluo exceeds all projections.]
[Jingliu's coming-of-age ceremony falls in September. Time must be measured carefully. If I am to return in time, I cannot clear them out completely.]
[She is more important.]
Three short lines.
Four final words.
"She is more important."
The simple sentence struck Jingliu harder than any blade. Scenes from a thousand years ago rose unbidden, each one carrying a fresh wave of grief.
She remembered the moment Kanzaki had arrived for the ceremony. He had been covered in the blood and filth of Abominations. He had not even paused to wash his hands; scraps of flesh still clung beneath his fingernails. The state of him made plain just how hard he had driven himself to reach her in time.
The next entry spoke of the diagnosis of Hanya's leg ailment—another fragment of the past Jingliu had never known.
So it was then, for that reason, that the two sisters had become Kanzaki's personal guards.
Later records showed that from that day forward, Xueyi and Hanya had taken turns watching over Jingliu whenever she fell unconscious. Kanzaki himself only applied the needles, guiding the medicinal power and tempering her body.
And then there was the change in training.
No longer was she required to push herself until she collapsed.
"You are no longer the weak child you once were. Your physique has reached the minimum target. From now on, you need only advance step by step."
When Kanzaki had spoken those words, Jingliu had believed he was finally drawing a line between master and disciple, mindful of propriety between man and woman.
She had accepted the reasoning, yet a quiet sense of loss had settled in her chest.
Had he not already tacitly agreed that no barriers should exist between them?
Of course she had known the true source of that confusion long ago.
She had fallen in love with her Master.
She simply had never imagined the real reason for the change.
The timing of her completed body tempering had been abnormal. It did not match any of the records left by the Tomomu Family. Even Kanzaki had been unable to explain it at the time.
But now, after seeing the Marshal's Manifestation Jade Buckle in advance, how could she still fail to understand?
Her inner organ had already been overdrawn to its limit. Supplying energy to assist the medicinal power no longer produced any meaningful effect.
At the time, however, she had known nothing of this.
All she had known was the sight that greeted her the night she finished training and returned home: Kanzaki and Hanya walking out of the same room, one after the other.
The truth behind what she had once believed was a misunderstanding now lay open in the clear ink of the diary.
It had all been for the treatment of Hanya's leg.
Everything had been a misunderstanding she herself had created.
"Master… you could have told me these things. Why did you choose silence…?"
Carrying those unresolved emotions, she had stepped onto the battlefield.
Desperate to stand at Kanzaki's side sooner, she had applied for continuous combat, overdrawing herself again and again, accelerating the onset of the Heavenly Deficiency that plagued her inner organ.
After two years of campaigning she returned, eager to claim the credit she believed she had earned, certain she had finally met the requirements to fight beside him.
That day Kanzaki's face had been cold. He had deliberately made things difficult for her.
There had to be a reason.
Jingliu's eyes locked onto the diary pages, searching with desperate intensity.
She found it.
[Star Calendar 6305, September 9.]
[A sudden crisis has erupted without warning in this campaign. Life and death remain unpredictable throughout the Hunt expedition. Jingliu still requires time to grow stronger; she must not be allowed to join large-scale battles too early.]
[Both body and spirit have reached their limits. Existing methods can no longer suppress the mara. I must fully activate the Self-Actualization Aspect.]
[The plan will begin within two days, using the Power of Abundance to suppress the price of immortality.]
As expected.
Jingliu closed her eyes, fighting to keep the tears from falling.
After she became a Cloud Knight Vanguard on the Xianzhou, she had possessed the authority to query the classified battle records within the Cloud Knights' military system.
In all those years she had never once thought to seek the reasons behind his actions.
She had reduced everything to a single, bitter conclusion: Master was never gentle, and he was especially harsh with her.
Blinded by the surface, she had never soberly examined the truth of Kanzaki's choices.
She was an unqualified disciple.
Although she was now on the Luofu and could no longer access those records, it no longer mattered.
A crisis severe enough to shake Kanzaki's state of mind, combined with the recent shift of Hunt targets toward the Borisin warhead, meant the expeditionary force must have come under attack by the Ussa.
[Star Calendar 6309, April 18.]
[Jingliu reported that she must travel to a star system eighty light-years away to slay Abominations. She has grown stronger, yet…]
[I still fear a future in which I lose her. I have only her left now. I must never allow such a future to come to pass.]
[Remember and emphasize: suppressing mara with the Self-Actualization Aspect is not the work of a single day. Losing Jingliu would mean breaking my promise and failing her. I would also lose the final anchor that keeps my sanity intact.]
[I must closely monitor Jingliu's expedition missions and ensure her safety.]
[On this day I summoned Hanya for high-intensity training, forcing the residual power of Rahu into her legs. Using silver needles as a medium, I transferred that power into myself and consumed it.]
[The process brought intense pain. Hanya's reaction remained within expectations. Fortunately everything proceeded smoothly. After examination, her leg ailment has been confirmed cured.]
"Whew…"
Jingliu's breathing had grown uneven.
That single sentence—"I have only her left now"—landed with a weight that made it hard to draw air.
She had never expected her place in Kanzaki's heart to run so deep.
She had never expected that while he spoke coldly and demanded she complete fifty medium-scale battles, he had been secretly watching over her safety the entire time.
She still remembered the second misunderstanding with painful clarity.
Seeing Kanzaki and Hanya emerge from the bathroom together, she had believed he remained unsatisfied and intended to continue his dalliance, only to send her off to prepare dinner. Later, at the table, Hanya's faintly flushed cheeks and radiant expression had only strengthened the conviction that her suspicion was correct.
In truth… every conclusion she had drawn had been wrong.
Yet because of those misunderstandings she had held her breath, determined to prove herself. Year after year she had fought on the front lines of the Hunt expeditions until the bloody battle that finally claimed her strength.
It was during that same battle that Kanzaki had requested a divine wind ship and raced at top speed to reach her, saving her at the critical moment.
But her inner organ had already been overdrawn beyond recovery. She fell into a coma that lasted for decades.
At last the buried truth of those twenty years surrounding the destruction of Cangcheng had taken on a relatively clear outline.
Jingliu pressed her lips together tightly. She could not stop the quiet sniffing of her aching nose.
"I'm sorry… Master…"