Zhuge Liang dipped his brush in ink and copied the glowing text, his mind completely blown by how bold future generations had become.
The way they roasted historical figures? Next level savage. Completely unheard of in his era. Some of the jokes flashing on the screen had him dying to double over and cackle like a madman, but he clamped it down hard. A man of his kind could not just lose his composure and start laughing out loud, right?
But the pristine white paper told a different story. The ink strokes were wobbly and shaky, a dead giveaway that the great master strategist was fighting tooth and nail to keep a straight face.
Beside him, Pang Tong was already muttering under his breath.
"Li Shimin, Li Er, Erfeng, Tiance General, the Grand Commander of Zhenguan, the Emperor of the Ages, the Little Taizong's benchmark," he listed off, counting on his fingers. "How many names does one man need? Pick one and stick with it, for heaven's sake."
He paused, then let out a long sigh.
"Must be nice, though. Having future generations care enough to give you a dozen nicknames. They paid attention. They fixated. They made sure your name would never fade."
He glanced at his own reflection in the ink stone and scowled.
"What about me? What will they call this old Pang a thousand years from now? The Fengchu who died too young? The guy who was almost as good as Wolong?"
His brush paused mid stroke. A fierce fire sparked in his eyes.
"No. Absolutely not. I refuse to let Fengchu live forever in Wolong's shadow. Sima Hui gave us those titles, but I will carve my own legend into the bedrock of history. Just you wait."
He cracked his knuckles and got back to copying.
[Server Chat Log]
[SilentBlade: Let's be brutally real here. If you straight up ignore actual competence, Emperor Yingzong and Emperor Taizong have a ton of wild similarities. Both personally led military campaigns, both fought their own brothers for the throne, and both completely shifted the entire trajectory of human history.
DrunkenSword: Whoa, that's one massive condition to just brush off actual skill lmao. What a legendary way to spin altering history. The young master of Taiyuan would probably throw a fit screaming about bad luck if he read this take.
Are they even remotely the same thing? Sure, both led troops themselves. One guy absolutely humiliated his enemies. The other got completely humiliated by his enemies. One sat back and watched foreign nomads dance for his amusement. The other was forced to dance to entertain his foreign captors. One kept enemies a thousand li away from the border. The other literally marched right up to the enemy's front door to surrender.
MistyRiver: Agreed, not even close. +1 to that. After the Xuanwu Gate Incident, Li Shimin took Wei Zheng, who was a diehard loyalist to his dead brother, and promoted him to the highest ranks. Wei Zheng went down in history as a legendary master troll. Meanwhile, after Zhu Qizhen snatched the throne back, Minister Yu Qian was the first person tossed onto the execution block as a blood sacrifice. It took 10 whole years, and grass growing 3 feet tall on his grave, before anyone dared to clear his name.
IronMonk: Qing Dynasty historians already settled this debate perfectly in the official Ming History text. They straight up wrote that the Tang Dynasty's founding emperor basically won the entire empire purely because of Emperor Taizong.]
Li Shimin slowly shook his head.
"The biggest takeaway I got from all this future gossip is dead simple," he said, loud enough for the whole room to hear. "These people refuse to call me Your Majesty."
Fang Xuanling's brush paused mid stroke. He did not look up.
Du Ruhui kept writing, but the corner of his mouth twitched.
"Come on," Li Shimin continued, spreading his hands. "Is it really that hard to use my proper imperial title? Or at least just my name? From Tiance General to Li Erfeng, nobody in the future seems willing to say it seriously."
He glanced at his chancellors, waiting for someone to agree with him.
Neither of them said a word.
"Ahh, whatever. Trivial stuff."
He waved a hand dismissively and paced slowly behind them, watching Fang Xuanling and Du Ruhui copy every single word from the Light Screen onto paper. Not a single stroke was missed. Only then did Li Shimin finally let out a long, relieved breath.
He stopped behind Du Ruhui and leaned forward slightly.
"To be honest," he said, "I could not care less about this Zhu Qizhen guy. Future folks made it painfully clear. The man commanded a huge army, suffered a catastrophic defeat, got captured alive, and became a laughingstock for a thousand years."
He tapped his temple.
"I am a god of war. I once captured two rival kings in a single battle. We have nothing in common."
Du Ruhui nodded without looking up. "Indeed, Your Majesty."
Li Shimin straightened and folded his arms. Actually, he felt a little let down. He was way more curious about the Ming Dynasty's founding emperor, Zhu Chongba. A literal beggar who rose up, wiped out the Mongol Yuan Empire, and unified the whole realm. Future generations praised his military genius, ranking him second only to Li Shimin himself. Now that was a hero worth geeking out over.
"I respect self made men," Li Shimin said.
Fang Xuanling finally glanced up. "Your Majesty?"
Li Shimin waved him off. "Nothing. Just thinking out loud."
As for this so called Emperor Yingzong? If Li Shimin even bothered to look him in the eye, he would consider that a personal loss.
The last line of text drifted across the screen. The future's historical verdict made the Tang Emperor smile.
"The Zhenguan era has just begun," he said, turning back to his ministers. "My cabinet is fiercely competitive. We want to ride the shifting tides of climate change, build a utopian golden age, and completely outshine the Qin and Han dynasties. With a thousand year legacy in our sights, a few silly nicknames barely matter anymore."
What happened next was a familiar routine.
Du Ruhui gathered the freshly copied transcripts, stacked them neatly, and treated them like sacred relics. Next to these literal messages from a millennium in the future, every fancy treasure in the Tang treasury looked totally worthless.
After securing the papers, Du Ruhui carefully picked up a small wooden box. He had done this several times before. He placed it right under the Light Screen and stepped back.
Du Ruhui placed the small wooden box right under the Light Screen and stepped back.
The box vanished instantly.
Ma Zhou froze. His brush slipped from his fingers and clattered against the desk. His jaw dropped, and for a long moment, he just stared at the empty spot with wide eyes.
"What? In heaven's name... It... where did it..."
He looked around the room, completely lost.
The entire cabinet burst into roaring laughter. Even Wei Zheng cracked a smile. They had finally broken the unflappable Ma Zhou.
---
Inside a warm room in Bianjing, Zhao Pu was totally hooked. He scribbled frantically, paused to think, then scribbled some more. The endless flood of future hot takes completely blew his worldview wide open. He sat there reminiscing about the Tang Emperor's glorious feats, while simultaneously sighing at how utterly useless that Ming Emperor was.
A captured emperor? Whenever Zhao Pu read historical records about the Tang Emperor fleeing the capital, he thought that was the ultimate royal humiliation.
He never expected this Ming guy to take pathetic to a whole new level.
Still, this whole body-swap theory was so entertaining.
Zhao Pu cautiously lifted his head and peeked across the stone table. The vibe between the royal brothers in the room was super tense. You could practically feel the drawn swords humming in the air. The cold wind howled outside, but the political chill inside was way more dangerous.
Bored out of his mind, Zhao Pu started running little mental simulations.
What if I swapped places with Yang Su? Nah, that does not feel right. Let us think about the Prince of Qin's mansion instead. Swapping with the Hou family or the Zhangsun family sounds like a pretty sweet deal. If all else fails, I could easily swap with Wei Zheng. Dude got to chase Emperor Taizong around and yell at him nonstop. That level of job security was every minister's dream.
Thinking about these wild scenarios, the corners of Zhao Pu's mouth twitched upward. His mood got way better.
He blinked and snapped out of his daydream. The previously dark screen slowly flared back to life. Faint Go board grid lines had briefly popped up when the screen faded, but now they were completely covered by a layer of light.
This time, the content looked totally different.
Zhao Pu furrowed his brows and focused hard, dead set on memorizing every single thing he saw.
[Lightscreen]
[Alright everyone, it is time for our classic unboxing segment! I have to say, the items a super fan sent over this time are absolutely dripping with cultural flavor. One is a historical replica. The other is an alternate history replica. We basically hit the entire spectrum here. And the craftsmanship is flawless. Ten out of ten.
However, considering the New Year is fast approaching, I do need to add one minor complaint. It is a real shame that this painting of Liu Huangshu entering Chang'an does not double as a wall calendar.
Also, speaking of calendars, this replica book is technically a calendar. But it is way too ancient to actually use today. Let us stop talking and just admire the art.]
Zhao Pu felt a wave of confusion. Why did the person sound like they were just talking to thin air?
He shifted his gaze downward.
The very first image on the screen was a sprawling scroll painting.
Zhao Pu was a educated man. He recognized the mounting style instantly. It looked exactly like something from the early Tang Dynasty. But the actual art style of the painting itself completely baffled him. It did not match any school of art he had ever seen.
The content of the painting was fairly straightforward. A group of men stood atop a huge city gate tower. They pointed out over the sprawling city below. A crescent moon hung low in the sky. The city streets were completely ablaze with lanterns and torches.
You could almost see the tiny painted soldiers waving their torches and cheering in the streets. Far off in the distance, the ruined and crumbling walls of the ancient imperial palace loomed in the shadows.
Two huge characters painted on the gate tower clearly identified the location.
Chang'an.
The second image zoomed in on the signature at the end of the scroll. The calligraphy was gorgeous and incredibly easy to read.
In the year 212 AD, the forces of Yongzhou and Liangzhou captured Xiahou Yuan. Liu Bei entered Chang'an by starlight. Penned by Zhuge Liang.
So the guy standing at the front of the tower was Liu Bei? Zhao Pu did not know whether to laugh or cry at this ridiculous alternate history. He shook his head and kept reading.
The next few pictures were even simpler. They showed a calendar book. The screen displayed the cover and the inside pages.
The title read the Huangji Calendar.
Zhao Pu found this deeply fascinating. This specific Huangji Calendar had been obsolete and abandoned for centuries. Unless you spent years digging through dusty archives, you would never see one in real life.
He shook his head, amazed by the future, and looked further down. Rows of text scrolled beneath the hyper-realistic pictures.
[Server Chat Log]
[WanderingLotus: A painting of Liu Huangshu retaking Chang'an? I'm calling it right now. This is a real historical artifact. I just reported you to the authorities. The video host is hoarding national treasures. Get ready to rot in jail!
DrunkenCrane: Well, if we're doing that, I guess I can't hide my painting of Lord Guan Yu riding a futuristic motorcycle anymore. Do me a favor and report me to the cops too, yeah?
SilentPeak: Pfft, hahaha. You guys have wild imaginations. Historically, Xiahou Yuan never actually fought Liu Bei directly. The artist just grabbed a random historical battle and moved it somewhere else for drama.
MistyBlade: Sigh. If only it were real. If Liu Huangshu actually managed to take the Guanzhong region, sure, the land was wrecked by war, but it was still fertile territory. If he managed it properly, he absolutely could have gone toe to toe with Cao Wei.
AutumnSword: Can someone explain the backstory of this Huangji Calendar thing? Any incredibly handsome historians in the chat willing to drop some knowledge?
IronMonk: The historical status of this calendar is actually insane. I'll skip the boring academic jargon and give you the quick version. A mathematician named Liu Zhuo made this whole thing himself at the end of the Sui Dynasty. He pulled off some huge scientific breakthroughs. But in the end, Emperor Yang of Sui completely ignored it and refused to use it.
Fast forward to the Tang Dynasty, during Emperor Gaozong's reign. Another mathematician named Li Chunfeng took the original calendar, upgraded it, and created the Linde Calendar. Li Chunfeng got all the fame and glory.
FrozenRiver: Let me break it down even more. Liu Zhuo was seriously born in the wrong era. This legend was the first person in Chinese history to push for physically measuring the Earth's meridian arc. Sadly, because the country was tearing itself apart in civil war, he never got the funding to pull it off.
Think about it. If Emperor Yang of Sui had actually supported him, if he'd just taken a small fraction of the budget he used for building big luxury flower boats and given it to Liu Zhuo for surveying, the Prime Meridian might be in Chang'an right now instead of Greenwich, England.
Then we'd have one more thing to praise the Sui Emperor for online. It's a real tragedy.
HollowBamboo: Wait, the mathematician Li Chunfeng? Isn't he that mystical fortune teller guy?
CrimsonScroll: He's absolutely not a mystic. Li Chunfeng was a hardcore, classically trained scholar from the Prince of Qin's inner circle. Li Shimin personally promoted him. He was a mathematician, astronomer, and climatologist in the early Tang Dynasty. He just dabbled in studying the I Ching as a side hobby. Now, a thousand years later, pop culture has twisted his casual hobby into his main job, calling him a magical physiognomist. If the man knew what people thought of him in the afterlife, he'd probably cry tears of pure frustration.
JadeTalisman: Let me add one more crazy fact about Liu Zhuo. This boss completely reformed how the 24 solar terms are calculated. His math was so far ahead of its time that nobody in his generation even understood it. It took a full thousand years, all the way until the Qing Dynasty calendar reform, for his solar term method to finally become the standard. He sat alone in a room and calculated the precession of the equinoxes by hand. His exact numbers were used flawlessly by the Song Dynasty. It wasn't until the Yuan Dynasty imported advanced Islamic astronomy and math that anyone finally beat his accuracy. This guy was a genuine, undisputed genius of the Sui and Tang eras.
DistantThunder: Hearing all that just makes me feel so depressed. A true genius born into an era of total chaos. It's exactly like throwing a priceless pearl into pitch darkness. What a waste.]