A hangover was never a pleasant experience, and Hatake Kakashi was no exception. When he finally dragged himself out of bed, skull feeling like it was trying to detach from the rest of his head, the silver-haired Jōnin was startled to discover it was already morning of the following day.
"Damn... how did that happen?"
Enduring the stabbing pain behind his forehead, Kakashi pulled on his clothes and wobbled down the staircase. The scene that greeted him at the bottom was enough to make him stop short in bewilderment.
"Ah, Kakashi-sensei, good morning~"
Sitting beside the wooden table, Naruto waved cheerfully. The long golden pigtail wig, the touch of powder and cosmetics lending his face an androgynous quality, those big sea-blue eyes reflecting the golden morning sunlight like a pair of exquisite sapphires—
Stay calm. He's a boy. He's just wearing women's clothing right now. And he's your student, so... No. The fact that this thought even crossed my mind proves the alcohol hasn't worn off yet, right...?
Kakashi scrubbed his palm viciously across the bridge of his nose several times before managing to raise a hand in greeting. "Yo~ everyone, studying hard today too, I see... Hm?!"
The words left his mouth on autopilot before the implications caught up with him.
Wait. Was he seeing this correctly? Naruto and Sasuke—the pair of feral, unchained dogs—plus Hinata, who appeared and disappeared like some phantom dragon, were actually sitting indoors studying?!
"What kind of reaction is that? Is it really so strange?"
Hinata, seated at the same table, wore a smile that promised nothing good. And indeed, no matter how poor Kakashi's alcohol tolerance might be, a single bottle shouldn't have been enough to knock him flat. The real reason was simple: yesterday's bottle of white liquor had been cut with soda water. The effect had clearly been spectacular—the completely unsuspecting Kakashi had been out cold for well over ten hours. Either that, or the man's tolerance was even worse than she'd assumed.
"Mm... the Tanzhong and Qihai acupoints are easy enough to identify, but the other three pairs of gate-points are a bit harder to pin down."
On the other side of the table, Sasuke studied the human acupoint diagram spread before him without looking up. Naturally, learning Ya Otome required knowing which eight acupoints it targeted. You didn't need the Gentle Fist's unique ability to disrupt from within—as long as you landed clean external hits, the destructive power was just as formidable.
The catch was that without the Byakugan, Sasuke and Naruto had no choice but to memorize the positions of all eight acupoints through sheer rote study.
"Ah... so you three are studying the human acupoint system today? Well, ahem~ as it happens, I have some knowledge in this area myself. If there's anything you don't understand, feel free to ask."
Giving his head a hard shake, Kakashi cleared his throat. The silver-haired Jōnin felt a wave of genuine emotion wash over him: It's about damn time. He'd become the instructor of these three brats, yet up until now he had never once experienced the satisfaction of actually teaching them anything. The reason was painfully simple—there was essentially nothing he could teach them.
Ninjutsu? You had to match each student's chakra nature and prerequisites. Sasuke, the only one who shared Kakashi's affinity, had already taught himself Chidori from the Scroll of Seals and was independently developing derivatives like Chidori Sharp Spear.
Taijutsu? Kakashi genuinely couldn't think of any taijutsu system more formidable than the South Dipper Seven Sacred Fists these three were studying. In terms of raw killing power, perhaps only Guy's Eight Gates could edge it out—and the Eight Gates' learning requirements were no less brutal than the Sacred Fists', with a mastery curve just as impossibly steep.
And finally, Genjutsu? Utterly useless for all three of them. Sasuke and Hinata both possessed dōjutsu Kekkei Genkai that could see through illusions without breaking a sweat, rendering deliberate Genjutsu defense a non-issue. As for Naruto—the boy's neural pathways had the diameter of a kunai handle. Asking someone like him to comprehend Genjutsu was an exercise in cruelty.
As for life lessons and mentorship... ahem. Lecturing a group of people who effectively controlled your income? Really daijoubu?
So up until this point, Kakashi's sense of inadequacy had been very real. Beyond leading them on missions, the areas where he could actually serve as a teacher were vanishingly few. The sudden appearance of an opportunity, then, had been enough to kindle fighting spirit even in someone as constitutionally lazy as Kakashi.
"Oh~ is that so?"
Hinata raised her head slightly, genuine surprise in her tone. "Kakashi-sensei is actually volunteering to teach us?"
"Mm~ I am your squad leader, after all. So, appearances aside, I do take my responsibilities quite seriously. Whatever you need, just say the word~ Ahahaha~"
Arms folded, Kakashi let out a hearty laugh. He could practically see the harmonious future unfolding before him. That's right—he was these kids' sensei!
"Mm~ we really appreciate it. We've been struggling because this diagram just isn't precise enough~"
Naruto clasped his hands together in front of his chest with an expression of deep admiration—a rather feminine gesture that seemed to perfectly convey his approval of Kakashi's manly initiative.
"Hmph~ well, you are the sensei here."
Sasuke gave a cool nod, clearly endorsing Kakashi's offer as well.
"Ehehe~ so don't be shy, just tell me what you need. Where can I help?"
Hands on hips, Kakashi was already riding high on a cloud of self-satisfaction. If these had been three ordinary brats, he wouldn't have been this excited. But heaven as his witness, these three had run roughshod over everything and everyone for so long—had they finally recognized his dignity as their teacher?
"Well then, Kakashi-sensei."
Hinata sighed, rose to her feet, and spoke with perfect nonchalance. "Strip."
"Hahaha, sure— ...Hm?"
His hands had already drifted toward his collar on reflex before Kakashi caught himself with a violent start. "Wait... what do you mean by that?"
"This baka Naruto keeps complaining that the acupoint diagram isn't detailed enough. So since Kakashi-sensei is here, you can serve as a live anatomy model. At the very least, let them see where these acupoints actually are on a real body."
Sasuke piled on from the side, arms still folded. "I have to say, though—volunteering your own body as a teaching aid? I didn't think you had that much professional dedication."
"The thing is, we were already looking for a live model. But old man Tazuna ducked out early this morning. His daughter would've worked, but it didn't feel right asking a widow to strip in front of two male creatures—that would've turned this into a biology class. So..."
The corner of Hinata's mouth curved into an arc of deeply moved appreciation. "It's perfect timing that Kakashi-sensei showed up. Problem solved."
"Ah... is... that so..."
Kakashi's hand rose instinctively to press against his own chest. In that moment, he finally understood—with visceral, bone-deep clarity—the true meaning of the phrase "heartache." Perhaps after this mission, a visit to the cardiology department at Konoha Hospital would be in order...
But as though the heavens wished to grant Kakashi one final reprieve, a brash, obnoxious voice suddenly erupted from outside Tazuna's front door.
"Listen up, you lot in there! Hand over the brats who hurt our boss! Otherwise we're torching this dump!!"
Hm?!
Kakashi and his students exchanged glances. All four moved to the window and peered outside in unison. A mob of ronin brandishing torches and weapons had surrounded the house, clearly out for blood. Evidently, the ronin Hinata had beaten yesterday had not been finished off, and now their comrades had come looking for payback.
After all, these samurai were fiercely loyal to one another behind closed doors. And Gatō had only hired them to do a job—he'd never told them they couldn't start trouble on their own. If Hinata had dealt with them the same way she'd dealt with the others the night before, she might have scared the rest into backing off. But precisely because she'd shown mercy, it had been interpreted as weakness.
So after learning where Hinata's group was staying, these thugs—long accustomed to bullying anyone and everyone—had mustered a small army and come knocking.
"Mm... Kakashi-sensei, we'll leave the teaching aids to you."
Stroking her chin with a thoughtful nod, Hinata turned on her heel and settled back down at the wooden table. Naruto and Sasuke likewise muttered their way back to their seats. This clearly wasn't their problem to handle. It was Kakashi who'd volunteered to solve the teaching-aid situation, so naturally he should be the one to deal with this.
"Sure~ be right back. Just relax~"
Eyes crinkled in delight, Kakashi felt a rush of reprieve so intense it was practically euphoric. The silver-haired Jōnin vaulted through the window without hesitation, and what followed was a rapid-fire medley of screams and impacts. The twenty-odd ronin gathered outside may have had the numbers, but against Konoha's First Technician—an elite jōnin—they were no more threatening than twenty-odd ducks.
Before long, the ground outside Tazuna's house was littered with groaning ronin. Kakashi hadn't killed anyone either, but to ensure they wouldn't be causing further trouble, he'd used a conservative estimate of at least thirty percent of his strength. Three particularly suitable specimens—chosen for their differing builds of fat, thin, and tall—had been trussed up on makeshift crucifixes assembled from weapons and tree branches. Kakashi stood beside them with a beaming smile, tapping each one in turn with a slender branch.
"Now then~ pay attention, everyone. Depending on a person's height and build, the distance between acupoints will vary. So identifying acupoints in practice requires you to account for the proportions of your opponent's body. Get the proportions right, and you won't misidentify the point."
"I see~ but doesn't that make things kind of complicated?"
Scratching his cheek, Naruto craned his neck and glanced back and forth between the acupoint diagram and the three restrained "teaching aids," clearly struggling to pinpoint the exact acupoint locations on their different body types.
"Gauging proportions takes practice. Without Hinata's Byakugan, the only way for you two to reliably identify acupoints is through hard work and repetition~"
Basking in the long-overdue pleasure of playing the teacher, Kakashi was clearly determined to make the most of this opportunity to assert his role. At the very least, putting on a good showing right now couldn't possibly hurt.
And then, just as he was hitting his stride—a violent explosion tore across the surface of the sea beyond the shore!!