"Huh?"
Aqua froze in place, still holding that embarrassing pose as cold sweat trickled down her forehead.
"That's strange... I've got plenty of magic left. One more time! Puri-fyyyyyy!"
She swung her arm again with all her might, putting so much force into it that she twisted her waist with an audible crack.
Still, nothing happened.
"Ahaha... Um, Sister Aqua."
Iris scratched her cheek awkwardly, trying to give the Goddess, who looked ready to burst into tears, a way to save face.
"Maybe the air here is already so clean that there's nothing left to purify?"
"No, Iris. She just choked at the worst possible moment."
Kōichi delivered the merciless truth from the side, casually pulling out a rag and tossing it onto Aqua's face.
"All right, stop embarrassing yourself. Maybe soaking in frog stomach acid messed up your brain, so your miracle is temporarily on cooldown."
"No way! My magic is perfect! The laws of this world must be broken! Waaaaah! Kōichi, don't walk away! Let me explain! That really was an accident!"
Aqua completely broke down, throwing herself onto the grass and rolling around in a full-blown tantrum.
Iris watched the Goddess thrashing around on the ground without a shred of dignity left. She let out a deep sigh, and the last trace of enthusiasm for the Axis Order finally vanished from her eyes, replaced by a kind of world-weary pity.
Back at the mansion, the farce on the grasslands finally came to an end.
After her completely failed miracle demonstration and her thorough coating of frog slime, Aqua had locked herself in the bathroom. She was frantically scrubbing herself while letting out miserable whimpers, temporarily robbing her of the energy to corrupt Iris any further.
However, before Kōichi could even breathe a sigh of relief, a new and even more destructive crisis was quietly taking shape in the mansion's living room.
"Your Highness! Princess Iris! Please, you must hear me out!"
Darkness had already removed her heavy armor and changed into a rather thin shirt. She was kneeling before Iris with almost fanatical devotion, both hands clutching tightly at the hem of Iris's skirt.
"That sword strike you delivered on the grasslands... The coldness, the decisiveness, that overwhelming sense of domination from someone above toward inferior beings, such as myself! Ah! At that moment, it was as though I had witnessed the legendary Holy King descend before me!"
"Huh? D-Darkness-san, please get up!"
Caught completely off guard by Darkness's enthusiasm, Iris flushed bright red.
"I only did what a Swordsman should do. It wasn't anything like the... absolute domination you're talking about."
"No! That was exactly what it felt like!"
Darkness raised her head. Her eyes gleamed with a dangerous light that would have sent any normal person backing away immediately.
"Please, keep looking at me with those eyes! That contemptuous look that says, 'This woman is beyond saving,' is the finest reward in this entire world! If possible, during our swordsmanship training from now on, please subject me to the harshest, most unreasonable, most personally humiliating training imaginable!"
Kōichi stood around the corner of the hallway, the teacup in his hand trembling slightly.
He watched helplessly as Iris's expression gradually changed from fear and confusion into something far more troubling. Curiosity.
"Harsh training?"
Iris tilted her head, apparently considering Darkness's suggestion in all seriousness.
"At the palace, my instructors are always very polite to me. No one has ever asked me to treat them unreasonably. Darkness-san, is this perhaps some special method of strengthening one's will that's popular among Axel's high-ranking Adventurers?"
"Exactly! That's it! It is the supreme discipline known as mental resilience!"
Darkness seized on the opening with astonishing speed. She even began guiding Iris's hand toward the hilt of her sword.
"Come, Your Highness! Try striking my helmet with your scabbard while loudly condemning me as a disgrace to the kingdom!"
"A disgrace... to the kingdom?"
Iris tentatively raised the scabbard. Her voice was quiet, yet it carried a natural sense of authority.
"Um... Darkness, you... disobedient meat shield?"
"Aaaaaah! Yes! That's it! Harder! More contemptuously!"
Darkness let out a scream loud enough to make the neighbors call for help, looking so blissful that she seemed ready to faint on the spot.
Kōichi covered his face in anguish.
He had thought rescuing Iris from the clutches of that idiot Goddess would solve everything. Who could have imagined that this innocent princess would reveal an astonishing sadistic talent that seemed to lie dormant in the royal bloodline?
"Hey, Kōichi."
At some point, Kazuma had appeared behind him with a bag of dried meat in hand, wearing the expression of someone thoroughly enjoying the show.
"Aqua's brainwashing may have failed, but I think Darkness is leading Iris down an even more dangerous path. If you don't stop this soon, Iris might be ordering custom-made whips and candles by tomorrow."
"Shut up, Kazuma. How am I supposed to deal with this?"
Kōichi growled through gritted teeth.
"Am I supposed to run over there and say, 'Iris, don't bully that pervert. She'll enjoy it so much she'll ascend to heaven'?"
"That's enough, you idiot meat shield!"
Kōichi finally snapped.
He became a merciless blur, appearing behind Darkness in an instant. Raising his right hand high, he aimed at the head currently lost in fantasies and practically steaming pink, then brought down a righteous karate chop with all his strength.
"Gah?!"
With a sharp thud, Darkness let out a short cry filled with a disturbingly obvious note of satisfaction. Her entire body went limp like a puppet with its strings cut, collapsing onto the floor with a broken, blissful smile that practically screamed, Ah, Kōichi-sama treated me so roughly. I'm so happy.
"Come on, Iris. You're coming with me. We need to have a serious talk about life."
Without giving her any choice, Kōichi grabbed Iris by her slender wrist. Ignoring her confused expression, he pulled her straight toward a quiet corner of the terrace.
"Um, Kōichi-sama... did I do something wrong?"
Iris nervously twisted her fingers together like a child who had gotten in trouble.
"Darkness-san seemed like she was really looking forward to it, and Sister Aqua said Adventurers are supposed to satisfy each other's... needs?"
"Listen carefully, Iris."
Kōichi braced himself against the terrace railing and took a deep breath, trying to bring his blood pressure back down. Then he looked straight into Iris's clear eyes, which seemed pure enough to cleanse the soul, and spoke with utmost seriousness.
"There are some people in this world you should never use as examples. Aqua's 'needs' usually mean emptying your wallet, while Darkness's 'needs'... those belong to an abyss known as sexual fetishes. If you go along with what she wants, you won't strengthen your will at all. You'll just open a door into the world of perverts, and once you step through it, there's no coming back!"
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