Kevin's pov
"Now if you feel explosive cell death," I said, "it's a little undercooked."
"Ha-ha," Cassandra droned, "hilarious."
"Robin was extra chipper today."
"You are to Mr. "Kiss The Chef" apron."
I laughed to myself, "Actually, kinda the opposite surprisingly."
Cassandra sat at the island, watching me cook as everyone else did their own thing. Raven was reading a book. Beastboy was getting wrekt by Cyborg on Modern Warfare. Donna was on her phone resting on the couch. Osiris was glaring at me being a sour puss. I was surprised to see Jericho reading with Raven, like over her shoulder but still a friendly distance. Or, was it?
"Where's Megan and Arisia?"
"The Lantern Corps is in a big fight and they drafted her. Megan went with to help."
"Big fight?"
"A war more like if you ask me."
"Oh. Where's Robin? Is Hosun in the booth today?"
"No it's Oracle and Robin's with her, always is when she's here. Hosun's off. And before you ask," she glanced back to see if anyone was listening, "Starfire's getting the booze."
"Ah ok."
"Your chill with teens drinking?"
"Girl, I saw a thirteen year old boy buy booze, smokes, a gun and a night with a saloon girl out West."
She choked on a laugh, "Holy crap."
"Yeah, knew a few men who married before that with a carriage, a house and a job. Just because someone is grown these days, don't mean they are a man."
"Or a woman."
"Yes, or a woman."
"Hey, can I trust you when I ask you this next question?" Cass asked.
I arched a curious eyebrow, "As long you aren't a spy."
"Har-har, very funny."
As I tasted some of the blood pudding, Cass looked over her shoulder again before asking,
"So do you like Arisia?"
I started to choke and wheezed, "I'm choking on my meat."
Of course Cass' dirty mind ran with it and busted out laughing at my expense. I recovered, saying,
"She looks twelve. I mean, she's in my age range numerically and when you get to be two hundred age becomes a number. I don't condone that for non-immortals and in Arisia's case even immortals. Where the hell is this coming from?"
"Well you should have saw her this morning. She looked fourteen."
"What?!"
"Yeah, some freaky Graxonite puberty crap or something. So, would you be down if she looked older?"
I turned from my cooking and looked right at her, "Why are you asking me this?"
She held my gaze firmly before answering, "You know how my ex and I first met? Was lust at first sight. It's been written all over her lately and I'm just worried."
"Because?"
"Because I think you are a dick who would hurt her, that's why."
"Jesus, thanks for the vote of confidence."
"You're welcome." She added, "Arisia also wanted me to tell you that the thing she talked to you about should be here tomorrow."
"Wait," I turned to her, "Arisia's at war?!"
"Oh, you're worried hopefully I was wrong about you. She'll be fine. I bet she'll back to her old silly self in a few days."
"With my experience at war, I highly doubt that."
"Back when I was in Nam-" she teased in falsetto.
I pointed a knife at her, albeit non-threateningly, "I watched people burn to death," I copied her tone, "in Nam."
"Jeez I was just joking."
Starfire came in with a plastic bag with brown bags in it. She pasted herself onto the wall as if feeling guilty of a crime. Cassandra smiled and rubbed her hands together in excited expectation. Raven looked up from her book,
"Is that what I think it is?"
"J-jack and coke." Starfire admitted.
"Coke?" I asked.
"Have you never had a Jack n' Coke?" Cassandra asked.
"Are you talking cocaine right now?"
"No!" Starfire said.
"Ok, because I didn't know blood pudding was illegal but I know cocaine is when Coca-Cola stopped using it."
"Yet we're still doing it! That's what makes you cool, was always curious," Cass asked, as Starfire deposited the goods next to her on the island, "was Coca-Cola better back then?"
I gave her a knowing smirk, "Yes, yes it was."
"So, two hundred years," She asked as she started mixing drinks in plastic polo cups, "ever get addicted to something?"
"Ha! It was either alcohol, water, or watered down alcohol out West. Oh, and coffee."
"Ever do opium?"
"Ate some once, Chinaman in Boston gave me some. Supposedly Boston was selling so much opium in the early 1800's to China that they called it an EPIDEMIC. Doctors also prescribed it."
"Epic." Cass set a polo cup before me. "Your first Jack n' Coke, with a little more Jack since you can handle it."
"That stuff—opium—jacked me up." I raised my cup to her's, "To many good days after, and Megan and Arisia's safe return."
"I don't got a cup but hear-hear!" Beastboy said.
"Hear-hear!" Cyborg jeered.
"Hear-hear." Raven said.
Jericho smiled but typed out, "Hear-hear!"
"Hear-hear!" Donna repeated.
Osiris said nothing but Cassandra pumped her brows and tinked my glass saying, "Hear-hear."
"No toast Osiris? No wish for safe return?" I said.
"Hear-hear." He said weakly.
"You know," I snarked, "I made this with pig just for you."
"Is that supposed to be a jab at the religion you prescribed to me because of my color?"
The room grew a little tense but Cassandra gave him a dismissive wave, "Oh go screw a goat Osiris."
He surprised me with a smirk, replying, "I'll meet you in my room then."
I couldn't help but laugh and Cassandra couldn't help but have jaw drop. The tension in the room unleashed and everyone was laughing.
"Alright dude," I admitted, "that was a smooth roast."
Cass turned to Osiris and said, "You're a dick!" She added sarcastically, "Be there in ten."
"Oh my God!" I laughed.
"Sadly, you can stay in your pen. I have a scheduled call with my sister and she's in the states on diplomatic errands thanks to that school shooting."
"Don't worry, your little demon goat is free anytime." She said jokingly, "Piss off and tell your sister hi for me. Really on that last part or I'll interrupt the call and tell her hi myself."
He bowed, "I will give her your regards."
He left and I told Cass, "Actually, I had a special portion on the side in case he was Muslim. Is he Muslim?"
"Nah he's a satanist. Yeah, yeah he is."
"Well everyone, it's ready! Here's Osiris' Muslim-safe portion, it's just sausage but spiced up, Beastboy's veggie portion, a spiced up tofu dish," I addressed him, "you need a steak."
"Nah, thanks though."
"And I'll take these to Robin, put some in the fridge for Hosun, and enjoy everyone!"
"Osiris' room is on the way," Cass said, "taking his plate. I'll deliver it to him for you."
She walked with me and I asked, "How did you get him to respect you?"
"Know how guys can fight, draw blood, lose teeth and then be best friends after it?"
"You're such a tomboy."
"Yup."
I went into the security room and Robin and the red head he was talking to were laughing when I entered. When they saw me they stopped, Robin cleared his throat and nodded, "Kevin."
"I got some-" then I remembered how much of a buzzkill he was, "sausage."
"That's… not sausage." The red-head said.
"Who let you cook?" Robin asked, "You're too new, you could have poisoned us."
They looked at the cameras and saw the bottle of Jack Daniel's on the island.
"Crap." The red head said.
"Oracle," I addressed, "I presume?"
"Yep," she replied, "that's me."
"Look," Robin groaned, "thank you, but be more discreet with that!" He pointed at the Jack, "If Batman checks on us and sees that we're screwed."
"But I'm old enough to buy it."
"This isn't even your first week, please tell me that they didn't let you go alone to buy that."
"No, look do you want to try my blood pudding?"
"Weren't those banned in the US in 1971?" The red-head asked, "I heard those are good. Read about those while looking up random diet crap."
"Barbara." Robin whined.
"We're already in deep, live a little." She addressed me and rolled towards me in her wheelchair, "Thank you Kevin, you are very kind."
I gave her a 19th century bow on impulse saying, "Enjoy."
I stepped out into the hall and just as the door closed behind me Cassandra called out to me.
"Somebody! Get Robin!"
"What's wrong?"
"We're fine, get Robin right now!"
I ran back, muttered, "Hey! You're needed in Osiris' room!"
With feet following behind me I heard Osiris scream, "Isis! My dear sister! Adrianna!"
I stepped in and Osiris was on the floor, shaking as the screen was FaceTime'ing someone. No one was there however. Cassandra was pale and I asked, "What happened?"
"Isis, Black Adam's wife, and Osiris' sister, was taken."