The female Thor on the video screen was a total showstopper. Thanks to the quiz question "spoiler," the audience already knew that this badass goddess of thunder was none other than Thor's ex—girlfriend: Jane Foster.
Hard to believe she was the same woman who'd been wasting away from cancer just earlier. Now? She was swinging Mjolnir like it was a damn windmill, with a pile of monster corpses at her feet. Her combat style? Slick, clean, and so very Thor. Just like the old hammer god himself.
The audience knew who she was, but the Thor from the future video clearly didn't. His face wasn't just shocked—it was a cocktail of surprise, jealousy, and simmering hostility. He was clearly thinking: Who the Hel is this woman, and how the hell did she steal my beloved Mjolnir?
He turned to Valkyrie for answers. She clearly recognized the woman but just smiled meaningfully, refusing to spill the beans.
And then—bam!—the new Thor pulled off a dazzling move that made the old one's jaw drop. She hurled Mjolnir into a pack of monsters, and right before impact, the hammer exploded into a hail of shrapnel—each shard zipping through the air like a storm of bullets, piercing monster skulls with pinpoint precision.
Every single fragment carried the full might of a god, punching through enemies like paper. Then, like magic, the fragments looped around mid-air and reassembled themselves into the full hammer, flying right back into Jane's outstretched hand.
She stood there cool as hell, holding nothing but the handle, waiting for her hammer to come back together piece by piece.
Damn, it was awesome.
Outside the screen, a bunch of female viewers couldn't help but squeal. Jane's BFF Darcy practically screamed:
"OH MY GOD, JANE! You're a freaking queen! Look—your popularity is going crazy! It's still going up!"
Jane, completely focused on the video, couldn't help but smirk.
"What an idiot," she said with a smile. "Jealous of me? Seriously?"
On-screen, Thor looked increasingly bitter. Not only was he outshone, he looked like he was starting to feel inadequate. He threw on his own fancy armor, even plopped a helmet on his head—like he was trying to one-up her or something.
And of course, because he's Thor, he walked right up to challenge her. "Hey, that's my hammer. You mind giving it back?" he grumbled, rattling off a whole speech.
Jane said nothing—just lifted her visor, flashing him a brilliant grin.
"Hi."
Thor froze like he'd just been slapped with a frozen trout. He blinked, then practically shouted:
"JANE?!"
Outside the screen, Thor slapped a hand to his forehead. "Gods, I was such a damn idiot…"
Of course, Wade wasn't going to let that golden opportunity pass. He leaned in, grinning like a raccoon with a machine gun.
"Ohhh, big guy, oof. Look at you! Your ex not only dumped your sorry ass, she ran off with your hammer! Your hammer, dude! The only thing you loved more than your hair!"
Thor gritted his teeth, glaring at Wade like he was ready to summon lightning.
"You insufferable little human, one day I swear I will rip that filthy mouth off your face!"
Deadpool clapped his hands together like he was watching opera.
"Oooooh, scary thunder daddy! Is that rage I smell? Or just the aftershave of a thousand-year midlife crisis?"
He did a fake shiver and kept taunting.
"Look, man, we're not the same, alright? You're like sitcom funny—team up with Peter and dance the cringe away. Me? I'm R-rated. Really R-rated. I make kids cry and grandmas swear."
Thor just stared ahead, jaw clenched. There was no winning this argument. He couldn't shut Wade up, couldn't punch him into silence—anything he did would only make it worse. So he gave up and tried to pretend the motor-mouthed idiot didn't exist.
Back in the video, things were getting awkward. Thor and Jane, reunited in the middle of a battlefield, clearly hadn't expected this kind of meeting. Emotions were complicated, to say the least.
And Thor? His feelings were dialed up to eleven. He could barely breathe, yanked off his helmet like he needed air.
A flashback sequence kicked in—highlighting the love story between Jane and Thor. From their first meeting to passionate romance, and then the slow, quiet drift apart, driven by busy lives and different worlds.
It wasn't hard to see the problem. She was a mortal woman, brilliant but bound by time. He was a literal god with lifespans that made centuries feel like coffee breaks. From the start, they were never going to last.
So Jane ended it.
Back in the present, Thor looked at his former scientist girlfriend—now decked out in armor, wielding his beloved Mjolnir—and he was completely speechless.
Not that it mattered. There was no time for heart-to-hearts. Monsters were still pouring in like an unholy infestation. Thor and Jane didn't need words—they fought side by side, seamlessly syncing up.
Soon enough, Thor spotted the real enemy: a white-robed figure lurking in the shadows.
Gorr the God Butcher.
Thor felt a jolt of grim intuition. That guy? Definitely the puppet master behind this whole mess. Without hesitation, he grabbed Stormbreaker and charged in.
Gorr was fast. Shadowy, slippery—able to vanish and reappear in a blink. And to make things worse, he was wielding the Necrosword.
Thor tried to keep up, but Gorr was too elusive. Then the tables turned. Thor got help from Jane and Valkyrie, and Gorr found himself surrounded.
He made a tactical decision and vanished into the shadows just as Thor hurled a bolt of lightning.
"Coward! Run faster, why don't you?!" Thor shouted.
But Gorr wasn't retreating. He was kidnapping. A moment later, the town's children were gone—snatched in the darkness.
Thor realized what happened and immediately took off after him, Jane right beside him. The two launched into the sky, weapons ready, both going for a high-powered jump-strike.
Too slow.
Their blows missed.
Gorr had already vanished again, dragging the kids into the abyss.
Outside the video, Wade just couldn't help himself.
"Bro. Bro. You've lived what—four thousand years? Five? And you still think charging blindly works?"
He clutched his chest in mock pain.
"Even a pig gets smarter after a few years! You're like a golden retriever with a hammer. So much muscle, so little brain."
Thor looked like he seriously considered yeeting himself into another realm.
And Wade? Wade just kept talking.
___
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