「Anli Village.」
「At a spirit hall.」
Paper money that never ceased to burn filled the air, thick with incense smoke.
Chu Hao, clad in a monk's robe with his head shaved clean, chanted under his breath, completely at ease.
As Chu Hao chanted, his stomach suddenly grumbled with constipation. He couldn't hold it anymore. He got up to ask where the toilet was and dashed out.
Squatting in the outhouse, he lit a cigarette.
"Now that's relief," Chu Hao said, unable to restrain himself after finishing his business.
Suddenly! In the closed-off toilet, a cold and ethereal voice spoke, "Hello."
This unexpected, chilly voice sent a shiver down Chu Hao's spine. The cigarette fell from his hand into the pit, and his back bristled with fear.
He looked around—there was no one else here.
Although he didn't really believe in ghosts, he was quite frightened, and his legs trembled.
"Do you... do you have any extra paper?"
Chu Hao sighed with relief. It turned out to be from the other side of the toilet, where the men's and women's sides were separated by only a wall, as was common in rural outhouses.
Chu Hao said, "Miss, could you not startle me like that? You scared me."
The voice on the other side said apologetically, "Sorry, could you... could you spare me some? I was in a hurry coming here and didn't bring any paper."
Chu Hao savored the sound of the girl's voice, finding it rather pleasant, and said, "Sure, I have some. I'll give it to you."
"Thank you."
See, she's a polite young lady, Chu Hao thought.
He reached for the toilet paper when, suddenly, a cold and stern voice rang in his head.
"Ghost-catching Pretentious System activated. Host 'Chu Hao,' an atheist, has led a life so unremarkable that his attempts to show off often backfired, making him the perfect candidate for the Ghost-catching Pretentious System."
"The Ghost-catching Pretentious System is now loading…"
The unexpected voice gave him another start, causing his hand to shake. He dropped the paper into the pit, his eyes widening in disbelief.
"Damn it!!"
As Chu Hao watched the toilet paper fall into the pit, he couldn't help but curse. He had only pulled out one sheet, and now the entire roll had fallen in.
"What's wrong?" The girl on the other side also jumped at Chu Hao's exclamation.
Embarrassed, Chu Hao said, "The paper... the paper fell into the pit."
"Ah!! What do we do now?" The urgency in her voice was clear. She had been in such a hurry that she hadn't brought paper or her phone; otherwise, she could have called someone to bring some.
The voice in Chu Hao's head had completely bewildered him, but he ignored it and continued, "I've got two sheets left, but that's not enough! How about I use them first and then get you some when I'm out?"
"No way, I need to use it first!" The girl became anxious; she didn't want anyone to see her in this embarrassing situation.
Chu Hao immediately took umbrage. It's my paper, how can I let her use it first! If she were a pretty girl, that would be one thing, but what if she's a fat and hefty woman? Wouldn't that be a huge loss?
Chu Hao decided the girl didn't have good character and probably wasn't much to look at either, so he said indifferently, "One hundred dollars per sheet."
There was silence from the other side, then she said, "Fine, give it to me."
Chu Hao's spirits lifted, and he tossed over a single sheet. The girl on the other side immediately screamed, "Is this... is this paper? Are you messing with me?"
A thin sheet of paper—for wiping one's bottom, wouldn't it tear right through?
Chu Hao coughed dryly, feeling somewhat guilty as he said, "Haven't you ever used single-ply tissue paper? You split one sheet into two layers. I gave you one, and I'm going to use the other."
"You... you... bastard!" It was clear how angry the girl on the other side was; she was close to exploding.
Chu Hao ignored her, wiped himself, and walked away. He didn't believe she would actually pay a hundred dollars for a single sheet of paper.
Returning to the spirit hall, he found the voice in his head puzzling. Was it a hallucination because I'm too tired?
But he didn't dwell on it and stepped back into the spirit hall.
"Ding... Ghost-catching Pretentious System has finished loading. Host 'Chu Hao' has received a Level 1 Novice Gift Pack."
"Ding... You have gained Character Attributes."
In Chu Hao's mind, the Character Attributes appeared, as clear as a 3D image. Is this the vaunted virtual technology?
Host: Chu Hao.
Trainee Ghost Hunter: Level 1 (Promotes to Apprentice Ghost Hunter after maxing out 9 levels)
Experience Points: 0000/1000
Pretentiousness Points: 0
Mana Points: 0
System Prompt: In three minutes, the ghost of Li Meiqing will appear with the intention of claiming a relative's soul. Host, please prepare in advance.
Chu Hao's eyes bulged. He felt dazed, as if this weren't real, then he was overwhelmed with excitement and joy.
A golden finger system like those often seen in novels? I'm finally having my day!! The Ghost-catching Pretentious System? Damn. There really are ghosts?
As Chu Hao was lost in thought, a girl, puffing with anger, ran from the direction of the outhouse. She appeared to be about eighteen, with a lively beauty and eyes as clear as a tranquil pool, utterly charming.
Although she was wearing funeral attire, one could see the curves of her body beneath it, full of grace and charm, provoking the imagination.
The girl also saw Chu Hao and was immediately startled, exclaiming, "Chu Hao?"
"Mu Yuxun!"
As soon as Chu Hao saw the girl, he felt as if the sky had darkened. Damn it, it couldn't possibly be this coincidental, could it?
Mu Yuxun was a goddess-level beauty at their high school, with so many admirers they could form a line down a highway. Most importantly, Chu Hao was her classmate.
However, it was exactly that coincidental.
Mu Yuxun was both shocked and angry. Pointing at Chu Hao's nose, she scolded, "Bastard, were you the one in the restroom just now?"
Mu Yuxun was truly enraged. The thin sheet of paper she had used earlier had almost driven her to a breakdown. Her butt was too big for it, so she had to use it with great care, never before feeling such embarrassment. And now, she had to go back with more paper to continue wiping.
For someone reputed as a school goddess to be involved in such an embarrassing incident with this bastard! Who knew if Chu Hao would spread malicious rumors at school.
Chu Hao was alarmed and quickly put his palms together in a Buddhist gesture, saying, "Benefactor, you must have mistaken me for someone else. This humble monk is called Ji Mo."
Mu Yuxun, dressed in her mourning clothes, furiously retorted, "Ji Mo my ass! Even if you turned to ash, I would recognize you! How dare you con your way into my family's home!"
Speaking of which, they had a bit of a sordid history: Mu Yuxun had been swindled out of fifty yuan by Chu Hao at school.
The money wasn't important, but the most hateful part was that Chu Hao had told her a romantic encounter was on the horizon for her at the school's three-way intersection. She had eagerly anticipated it for a long time. But on that day, it poured with rain, and a sedan sped by, splashing muddy water all over her, drenching her completely.
Even if this Chu Hao fellow turned to ash, she would still recognize him.
Chu Hao was in a dire situation. Facing this school goddess was indeed troublesome.
Their argument drew the attention of those inside the spirit hall. A middle-aged man approached, asking, "Yu Xun, what's going on?"
Mu Yuxun pointed at Chu Hao and said, "Uncle, he's my high school classmate, not a monk. He's a fortune-telling fraud!"
Chu Hao couldn't let her expose him! He hastily claimed, "Benefactor, you must be mistaken. This humble monk doesn't know the Chu Hao you're speaking of."
The middle-aged man scrutinized Chu Hao. This young monk looked about eighteen, with a shiny bald head and a monk's robe, appearing innocent and sincere, not like a swindler.
"Yu Xun, could you have mistaken the person?"
Hearing her uncle doubt her, Mu Yuxun grew even angrier, her chest heaving. She strode over and slapped Chu Hao's bald head.
Mu Yuxun gave a bright smile. "I've heard you like to disguise yourself. Your bald head is fake."
Then, she yanked hard. A scalp-like piece came off, revealing Chu Hao's hair.
Chu Hao cursed under his breath; those sons of bitches had actually sold him out.
"Hmm?" The middle-aged man looked on, his face turning angry.
Losing a family member was distressing enough, and now a swindler had made his way into the spirit hall. It was an utter disgrace.
The middle-aged man commanded sternly, "Get him out!"
Two men approached, glaring viciously at Chu Hao as if they wanted to devour him alive. Ordinarily, they would have beaten up such a fraud without hesitation.
Desperate, Chu Hao pleaded, "Wait... I'm here for a reason! Your grandmother is about to arrive! You can't throw me out!"
His words made everyone present look at him as if he were a lunatic.
All the relatives of the old lady were there. Hearing what Chu Hao said, their eyes bulged with rage, their faces turning ugly.
"Throw him out!"
The two men grabbed Chu Hao and threw him out of the spirit hall.
He tumbled to the ground, getting a mouthful of mud.
"Don't let me see you again, or I'll break your legs," the two young men threatened, then turned and left.
Chu Hao got up, his face reflecting his misfortune. He spat out the mud from his mouth. "Ptooey... What rotten luck today, running into that wretched girl Mu Yuxun."
It seemed the two hundred yuan he hoped to earn for conducting the ritual was gone. That was his meal money for the next week! The thought alone was terribly upsetting.
His face etched with misfortune, he was about to leave.
Suddenly, a chilling wind struck Chu Hao from behind. He shivered as if he had been instantly thrown into a freezer.
Turning to look, the courtyard was empty, pitch black, and deathly quiet.
A cold wind blowing... Could it be that the System's warning is true? That Li Meiqing has arrived? Chu Hao recalled the System's prompt that Li Meiqing would come to claim a soul in one minute, and he felt a twinge of fear.
But I have the Ghost-catching Pretentious System, what's there to be afraid of?
Suddenly, a scream came from inside the spirit hall.
"AHHH!"
What kind of scream was that? It sounded like it reached hundreds of decibels, enough to shatter glass and make one's eardrums ache.
The doors of the spirit hall slammed shut with a BANG! Witnessing such eerie events, Chu Hao's face turned pale with fright.
System Prompt: Li Meiqing has arrived. First target: Mu Yuxun.
Chu Hao was still dazed when he heard the System's voice, snapping him back to reality.
He couldn't help but think of Mu Yuxun. Although they had hardly interacted—she a school goddess, he a poor loser who struggled even to afford meals—they had been classmates for many years. He couldn't just stand by and watch her die.
Chu Hao slapped himself across the face and declared angrily, "I have the System; the world is mine! What the hell am I afraid of?!"
"Open the Novice Gift Pack," Chu Hao ordered in his mind.
"Ding... Received one bottle of Cow Eye Tears to open the Heavenly Eye."
"Ding... Received one Primary Maoshan Taoist Robe."
"Ding... Received a Novice Peachwood Sword."
"Ding... Received five Red Dragons."
The sounds of System prompts echoed in Chu Hao's mind, his body shuddering with each notification.