I let them guide me back home. I erased all evidence of tears and sadness. It felt like lying to him, but it was better than the alternative: having him believe I cried because of something he might have said or done.
Inside, not much had changed. Ilianna was teaching little Arnold some moves—the two-year-old enjoyed it without understanding what was happening—and they were watched and appreciated by both Mom and Granny.
Alex was in the middle of pleading. "Please, brother, I promise I won't go to fight," he begged, hands clasped. Zephyr looked unconvinced. "I'm not even taking weapons, just to prove it to you. Let me join you tomorrow."
"Fine... I don't care. You're giving me a headache." Zephyr finally gave up and massaged his temples. "If... you can convince Demelza to be fine with it."
Alexander looked at his wife, and she blushed happily. She allowed herself to be lifted like a princess with an excited little scream.
"Little brother? Look after your nephew for an hour, will you? I'm going to do some... convincing. Hahaha!"
"...just go."
They left, probably to return to their own house. I felt embarrassed, then annoyed at myself once again, remembering Zephyr carrying me like that and how his previous look of disappointment might not have just been my imagination.
He played with his daughter and nephew, letting them crawl all over him and tickling them, filling the house with his laughter. It was night, and he was leaving in the morning. I desperately wanted to erase my depressing feelings and act like I usually did. I couldn't even initiate a conversation, let alone erase anything of any kind.
"Zephyr, you sure look full of energy." Eli sat down in a chair, watching them play.
"I slept a little earlier... maybe that." He shrugged it off, but I saw his eye change and lose some of its shine for a moment.
I also remembered that we hadn't spoken to each other since we got up from that tree. Say something to him... But I couldn't find the words. I just watched them. I cursed my own foolishness for not preparing better for something that meant so much to me. And no, I didn't mean this damn bikini still in my bag. I didn't prepare emotionally and mentally. I needed to talk to him.
"Zephyr, some of the men coming with us tomorrow want to talk to you. Do you have some time?" Lucian stood in the doorway.
Zephyr looked at me for a little while. Say something!
"Sure, lead the way, Lucian." He turned from me and kissed Anna before he walked away.
I kept my mouth closed and let him walk out without a word. Once he left, I slumped down in my seat. Perfect timing.
"Alright, Lylly Wold. Tell me what's wrong." My mother shook my shoulders a little.
I didn't have the will to recant the story again. Eleanor helped me out.
"Ohh... I see. Sweetheart, please don't feel that bad about it. There are plenty of opportunities in the future," she sat down and caressed my face, then pinched it. "...and you can't blame yourself about his dreams and thoughts he didn't even share with anyone."
"I know you're right, Mom. So does everyone else. But now it's in my mind so much, I-I can't even talk to him."
Mother walked over and cupped my face. "My baby... you need to fix your mind then. You can't let this ruin your new relationship. Love extended its hand... but you need to meet it halfway. If you can't put this behind you, it will only get worse and worse."
If I was afraid and anxious before, her words paralyzed me. I knew she was right. I needed this to pass, or my own self-consciousness would end our relationship. Look at what just happened: He looked at me, silently letting me know he wanted my approval even for something small. Instead of a kiss or a word or even a half-hearted nod... I did nothing.
My mother hugged me and hummed the same melody she did when I was a child. It calmed my racing mind. "I'm going to fix this. Thanks, Mom."
Lucian returned alone.
"Where is Zephyr?"
I stood up so fast it scared the kids and startled Lucian.
"The guys can't let him go," he gathered himself and poured some water as he talked. "They have questions, they want pointers, they want to convince him to... umm... fight Emet."
"WHAT DID YOU SAY!?"
I'm not a strong person—Ilianna could take me on—but I did almost lift Lucian by his collar, knocking the water out of his hand.
"C-c-calm down... he obviously shut them down. Do you hear me? Helloo?" He was flailing around like a caught fish. "Lylly, let me go..."
Of course, he won't fight. He promised. It was his threat of leaving that hopefully canceled that ridiculous tradition. Still, how dare they push him to fight!?
I let go of Lucian and went outside to search for him. The air was cooling, and despite the late hour, people were all around, just talking about tomorrow.
I found him surrounded by idiots. From this far, they actually looked like snakes around him. One noticed me from afar and alerted Zephyr. He looked confused by my sudden change in behavior.
I grabbed his hand and dragged him away from those pesky snakes. I took him back where we were a few hours ago. Except now, the moons were the only light left. I pushed him down on the ground and sat on top.
"You plan to break your promise you made?" I pushed him down onto the grass, surprising him. He looked lost.
My poor Zephyr had no idea what I was talking about.
"Lylly, I'm very confused right now..." He placed his hand on my waist and adjusted his position, lifting me a little. "...but also very comfortable. Please don't move a muscle and go on."
His smile was infectious. Just like that, all my depressing mood and thoughts were blown away like a lie.
"Stop being charming, stupid... you know exactly what I'm talking about. You're not planning to fight, right?"
He turned serious. Then, with quick movements, he reversed our position.
"I never break my promise to you. Tomorrow I'm delivering food for some ancient monster, and that's all. I'll be back before nightfall."
I knew he meant it. I pulled him to me and kissed him. I let my frustration and fear all go. I wanted to let him know that I wasn't afraid anymore. That I never was... not with him.
Before I could make my intentions perfectly clear, he stopped my hands.
"My love... it's okay. I'm sorry. I know my mood might have made you worried... that I was disappointed..." He sat up a little and rested my hand on his chest. "...and maybe, I was a little. But, I want you to know that it's okay. I want our first time to be perfect. A bed..." He looked around. "...maybe not near so much mud and mosquitoes?"
His words washed away the rest of my dark thoughts. Hmm. I had found my forever person. I was never more sure of anything. He was also very right... we needed a bed, and quickly. I was glad he wanted to be considerate, and maybe that was part of it.
I could barely hold myself back. I grabbed his hips and pulled him closer. I wanted to feel it...
"Lylly... careful..." He pulled back against my hands.
He warned me...
"LYLLY!!!"
Mother's voice was so sudden it scared me. I head-butted him accidentally.
FOR EHLITE'S SAKE...