Note: This Chapter is Re-Translated on 6 / 15 / 2025
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Chapter 44: High Emotional Intelligence: "You've Been Drinking Too Much British Water"
Although Shinji did have dinner with Touko that evening, absolutely nothing happened between the two.
Just as he had said, the dinner was simply a bribe to convince her to accompany him to the Clock Tower.
Still, Touko wasn't exactly thrilled that he thought she could be bought off with just one meal.
She was, after all, one of the most renowned modern magus artisans alive today—wasn't she at least worth two dinners?
—And that just about summed up Touko's worldview outside the path of magecraft.
But dragging Touko along wasn't some spur-of-the-moment whim for Shinji—it was a calculated, strategic move.
His visit to the Clock Tower had two clear objectives:
One, to inform Kayneth and Waver about the Fate/Zero film and get them to start prepping the shooting schedule.
Two, to strengthen cooperation with the various magus families, and coax them into supporting his grand vision for a magical entertainment empire.
That said, Shinji wasn't naive—he knew how crafty these old families could be. With Fate/Stay Night becoming a global hit, it wouldn't be surprising if certain parties started getting ideas.
That was exactly why bringing Touko was so important.
Not because she herself was some powerhouse of political maneuvering—no, her presence alone was the message.
"If you people push your luck, I'll take my toys and play with the Japanese magi instead."
Touko, for her part, had seen right through Shinji's little scheme the moment he'd brought it up. As a seasoned globe-trotting magus, she'd been through more than her fair share of political dances.
But… in the end, she said nothing.
That five-star dinner had been good.
Really good.
So she decided to treat this whole trip like a little vacation on the Type-Moon Studios's dime.
Besides, this version of Touko hadn't been marked for sealing designation, so coming and going from the Clock Tower was no problem.
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"The air in this country is still as awful as ever," Shinji muttered as he rolled his suitcase down the misty streets of London. He glanced up at the perpetually gray sky with a sigh.
"Yeah. You'd be lucky to get a handful of sunny days in a year."
Touko followed behind him, nodding in agreement. "There's so much moisture in the air it screws with my craftwork."
"Well, that's just tragic," Shinji laughed, completely unbothered.
Rather than heading straight to the Clock Tower after landing in England, Shinji first toured the city to check on the ongoing Fate/Stay Night promotional campaigns. Then he treated himself to a relaxed lunch at the famed Royal Restaurant before finally setting off toward the outskirts, where the Clock Tower stood.
People loved to joke about how terrible British food was—on the same level as the meme-tier French military. But once you actually lived in the UK for a while, you'd find that British cuisine wasn't quite as horrifying as the internet made it out to be.
In fact, many of the so-called "cursed" dishes shared online weren't even recognized by the locals—half the time, even Brits had no idea those things existed.
That didn't mean British cuisine was good, though. Compared to the refined elegance of French or the vibrant richness of Italian food, British meals could be bland and heavy.
Ironically, what did shine were the desserts.
British sweets were famous throughout Europe—and in a good way.
The problem? They were also loaded with so much butter they could make your stomach cry.
No wonder there were so many chubby Brits waddling around.
For the sake of his waistline, Shinji usually avoided British sweets like the plague. But just to be polite, he nibbled on a single cookie.
"Even so… It's just too greasy for me."
He smacked his lips with a grimace as he walked.
By now, the pair had reached the outskirts of London.
In the distance, a towering silhouette loomed through the fog—its design reminiscent of Big Ben, only far more archaic and arcane.
The Clock Tower had come into view.
Truth be told, the Clock Tower wasn't actually in that remote a location.
But with the complex layers of Banishment Barriers that repelled outsiders, the streets around it were eerily empty. The only people hurrying past were mages, too busy with their own business to pay much mind.
"What a waste," Shinji muttered as he felt the familiar magical pressure of the barrier.
"Using the leyline's power just to keep people away? Would've been better spent summoning a Servant or two."
Touko pushed up her glasses and gave a snide chuckle.
"You know how it is. To those crusty old geezers, maintaining the secrecy of magecraft is everything."
"Then maybe don't go recruiting normal kids with latent magic talent every year," Shinji scoffed. "Hide the secrets—but not really. Hypocrites."
Touko shrugged, palms raised.
"Well, can you blame them? Those old fossils love flexible morals. If their family line's about to die out, suddenly 'secrecy' doesn't matter anymore, right?"
It was obvious neither Shinji nor Touko had much respect for the Clock Tower's so-called traditions.
So the two of them walked side by side, badmouthing the entire system as they approached the center of the magical world's bureaucracy.
It was afternoon tea time, and the streets were lined with cafés full of students who didn't have class.
Some sat alone in corners, frantically scribbling homework. Others gathered in cheerful clusters, sipping tea and chatting about whatever caught their interest.
As Shinji passed by, more than a few students called out to him.
"Yo, Shinji! You're back!"
"Long time no see, Matou-san."
"Hey there, Matou!"
…
"You're surprisingly popular," Touko commented as she watched Shinji wave back to his various fans.
"Unlike me. Nobody even recognizes me anymore."
"Well, you did graduate years ago, right? I was literally still a student here last year."
Shinji puffed out his chest with pride.
But before he could get too smug, a voice rang out from one of the cafés—
"Oi, Matou! Back at the Clock Tower chasing skirts again?"
Shinji whipped around, eyes wide.
"H-Hey now! Let's not go throwing out baseless accusations—!"
"Baseless? I saw you last time, remember? Caught red-handed with that girl from the Atroholm family, all cuddled up in some dark little corner. What were you two doing, hmm?"
Shinji's face turned beet red.
"Flirting with girls isn't a crime! It's called social interaction! I was engaging in—um, magical discourse! Cultural exchange!"
But then came the jeers—talk of "mystic-fluid trading," "intimate thaumaturgy," and other incomprehensible nonsense that had the entire street howling with laughter.
The atmosphere turned festive and rowdy in seconds.
"…Yeah. Real popular, alright," Touko smirked behind him.
"Cough, cough— Jealous, that's all these youngsters are."
Shinji huffed, clearly forgetting he was actually younger than most of the students here.
"Don't worry," he mumbled under his breath so only Touko could hear.
"I'll make sure these punks learn just how cruel the real world is. I remember every one of those who jeered. Let's hope they don't take Modern Magecraft Studies… or I'll bury them under an avalanche of homework."
Smack
Touko's hand clamped down on his shoulder like a vice.
Leaning in, she whispered with a smile that didn't reach her eyes:
"Such an evil little plan. But I've got a question for you first."
"P-Please ask," Shinji replied, cold sweat trickling down his temple.
He could feel the pressure from her fingers—this was not going to end well.
"That Atroholm girl that guy mentioned just now…"
Touko's voice turned dangerous.
"That wouldn't happen to be that Atroholm, would it?"
"Uhh… I'm not great with noble family names, so… who can say! Anyway, time's a-ticking, let's go—!"
He turned to flee, but Touko grabbed his head and yanked him down.
"You little brat! You went flirting with my teacher's family!?"
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It wasn't until Shinji swore—on Kayneth's chandelier, no less—that absolutely nothing happened between him and the Atrum girl, that Touko finally let him go.
The two of them continued on to their true destination: the Department of Modern Magecraft.
BANG!
"KAYNETH! I'M HERE TO CRASH YOUR PLACE!"
Without even bothering to announce himself, Shinji swaggered up and knocked open the door to Kayneth's office like he owned the place.
"SHINJI MATOU!! So that sneeze really was because of you!!"
Kayneth, who had been calmly reviewing student theses just moments ago, erupted the instant he laid eyes on the uninvited intruder. The veins on his forehead throbbed violently as if his blood pressure had just skyrocketed.
But Shinji acted like he hadn't noticed a thing. He strolled in with the air of a visiting noble, plopped himself down on the sofa, and began inspecting the lavish decor with great interest.
As one of the Twelve Lords of the Clock Tower, Kayneth's office was less "professor's office" and more "aristocrat's private salon."
The antique furniture alone probably cost more than a year's tuition.
Shinji casually stroked the carved wooden armrest of the sofa, mentally estimating how much it would fetch at auction.
As for Lord Kayneth El-Melloi Archibald—currently trembling with fury and seconds from a full-blown aneurysm—Shinji didn't spare him so much as a glance.
Kayneth inhaled sharply, struggling to suppress the rage swelling in his chest.
"P-Professor...?"
The student standing off to the side of the office had gone stiff with terror.
He had never seen his usually elegant and composed teacher look so close to murder.
Desperate not to become a lightning rod for Kayneth's wrath, the poor student shrank into himself like a turtle retreating into its shell.
"Hmph."
Though Shinji's entrance had driven him halfway to madness, Kayneth wasn't so petty as to take it out on a student.
He let out a cold snort and waved a hand dismissively.
"I have a guest right now. Your thesis review is postponed to tomorrow morning. Also—fetch Professor Velvet. Tell him I need to see him. Urgently."
"Y-Yes, sir!"
The relieved student bolted from the office like a prisoner granted a last-minute pardon, clutching his papers like a lifeline.
"Hey, Shinji, you're really pushing it, you know."
Touko elbowed him gently and whispered a warning.
She actually had a decent opinion of Kayneth.
Out of all the Clock Tower lords, he and her teacher had been two of the few she didn't loathe.
Unlike the Kayneth from Fate/Zero, the version in this world—while still one of the Twelve Lords—had never earned the title of "prodigy."
In an age where the Mystery was fading, even Kayneth's exceptional talent wasn't enough to create an insurmountable gap between himself and the average magus.
But this had actually worked in his favor.
He hadn't been deified. He hadn't been spoiled by praise. And so, unlike his alternate self, this Kayneth wasn't arrogant to the point of self-destruction.
Rather than obsess over lineage and inflated reputations, this Kayneth valued true potential.
It was he who had discovered Waver Velvet's extraordinary gift for magical theory, and brought him under his wing as a personal apprentice.
His pragmatic, no-nonsense style made him a favorite among the more grounded students—serious in the classroom, but approachable outside it.
Even Touko held a measure of respect for him.
Despite her warning, Shinji remained as blasé as ever.
"Relax. Kayneth and I go way back. He won't mind."
"Oh, shut up. If I did mind, I'd have died of a stroke ages ago."
Kayneth grumbled as he placed a tea tray down on the table with a little more force than necessary.
Touko noticed that while the teapot was there, it was completely empty. She was about to ask if he'd forgotten the water—
—when Shinji reached out and handled it himself.
"Oh, this one's nice. You always have the best black tea here. Top-grade stuff."
With practiced ease, he slipped a tin of tea leaves off the tray and straight into his pocket, then pulled out a bottle of water and poured it into the kettle.
Snap
With a flick of his fingers, a controlled flame sparked beneath the pot.
"...???"
Touko stared at the whole routine with a face full of question marks.
Kayneth, meanwhile, looked totally unbothered—clearly used to this nonsense.
"You're still the same," he sighed.
"Refusing to drink local water, even now."
"Obviously. You know how much calcium there is in UK tap water? Drink it long enough and you'll go bald."
Shinji threw a deliberate glance at Kayneth's forehead.
"Judging from your hairline, I'd say you've been hydrating a little too enthusiastically this year."
Crack
The delicate porcelain teacup in Kayneth's hand split clean down the middle.