Hello all, and a happy, healthy Turkey Day to you all!
Me? I am at work, as usual.
Nothing too surprising, I assure you.
I am not very family-oriented, and until just recently, I've been quite single, lol.
The second of those two things has changed.
I suppose it's time I made some adjustments to my lifestyle, huh?
Snit.
Snit.
Snit.
Am I right? Or am I right?
Enjoy.
Lol.
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September 2nd, 2013.
Journal #082.
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Dammit...
She knows my secret...
Now I'm going to have to kill her...
Her and XXXXX...
KIDDING!
Yeah, I'm crazy.
She doesn't think so.
Nor does most of the world, lol.
XXXXX helped me see things in a different light.
I still feel the same in some ways, but it's always good to get an outside opinion.
Her Ma moved just up the block from me.
I'll check up on the family (per her request).
As often as I can without seeming creepy, lol.
But how?
-Knocks on door-
"Uuum... Hi? How are you doing?"
Lol, I'll figure it out.
She wants to know my story.
Oh, god.
That should be an interesting conversation.
It's been a while since I told anyone everything.
In fact, there is no one who knows anything...
I surprise myself with how amazing this mask is at times.
It'll be strange to take it off.
"The saddest people are the funniest."
She can tell.
But has she ever sensed that about me?
Hmmm.
She reads.
She's in my head, but I "keep in mind" a lot.
I'm learning to read her.
It's definitely a challenge.
Imagine being in a maze, and once you figure out a pattern, the walls all change.
That's kinda how she is.
It keeps me on my feet.
Hot, cold, up, down, red, blue, more or less.
I guess I'm used to change...
That's a part of my story that she'll hear one day...
Change...
Oh, god.
-----
Hmm.
-She was only keeping me on my toes because she was severely bipolar, and unmedicated...
She chose loud, blaring rock music, beer, and tequila as her form of self-medication.
I did all I could to try to help with that, but I am/was no doctor or medical expert by any measure.
-She was reading what I was writing, so it began to affect what I would write. It kind of sucks, but I can tell that some of what I was writing started to cater to her, and that makes some of that stuff rather inorganic, you know?
Hmm, again.
I should have killed her and her best friend...
KIDDING!!!!!!
I would never.
As trained as I am, I am quite opposed to violence, you know?
In fact, adrenaline tends to make me very nauseous.
I know very well how to hurt someone, I just don't like to, or want to.
I find it strange how I chose to leave teaching for PRIVATE SECURITY of all fields, lmao.
Strange, indeed.
Just like me, lol.
-I am not crazy, just weird. Very weird. And you know what? That's okay. GO BE F@CKING WEIRD!
-As for the advice that her friend gave me? It was nothing that I remember, nor was it anything that I should. She was just as -if not more- manipulative as the woman I was with, and she had nothing positive in her mind or heart for me.
That sucks to realize, because I really liked her as a human, you know?
She just didn't care for me, and that sucks, but it's perfectly fine by me.
And my ex?
She had an amazing and glowing personality underneath all of the armor, but she was damaged and traumatized beyond anything that I had any right to try to help with.
You can't appeal to what isn't naturally within someone, so read those red flags and walk away as soon as you have to.
Sometimes love is simply not enough.
Far from it.
I wish her only the best, just like her friend, my ex.
Life is too short to carry such things, and they are heavy.
So very, very heavy.
Let things go, Folks.
"Forgive and forget" Is for YOU, not THEM.
Keep that in mind.
Live and let live.
Let things go.
Be happy. Be happy.
I will leave you all at that, and I hope your Turkey Day is going to plan!
I will see you all in the next one, yeah?
Till then, and as always:
Stay safe.
Stay healthy.
Stay vigilant.
-Bluu.