Hey there, Kid.
How's it going?
Or maybe just you, Readers are absorbing this, and my Kid has yet to, and will never exist.
I don't know.
I can't know.
You know?
Here in 2025, I've only met a handful of women who could have become your mother, and I haven't courted any of them, lol.
I don't know...
I guess I just ain't worthy of that blessing that is parentage.
It isn't meant for me in this lifetime.
A part of me is okay with that, you know?
The other part?
Perpetual baby fever...
Bah.
Maybe this book is some strange paradox that will summon you into existence somehow.
Maybe.
Maybe I do have just a little bit of hope left.
Maybe.
Let's see what Young me was getting into, yeah?
See y'all soon.
Enjoy.
-----
November 10th, 2019.
-----
Dear You.
Hey, Kid.
I hope you've been doin' well.
It's been one hell of a year.
One that I would rather not repeat if I was ever given the chance...
Maybe your mother will be pregnant with you this year.
Maybe not.
Who knows?
It'll happen when it happens.
I just hope it DOES happen...
So, maybe you'll be reading this in year...
2038???
That would make you 18, lol.
I would be very surprised if this journal is in decent condition, but I'll try my best to keep it in good shape.
I'll also slow down my writing so that these entries are readable, lol.
Nothing really new to write about. I just look forward to 2019 being over...
Maybe 2020 will be an amazing year.
If you are born...
It will be.
-Love, Pops.
-----
To start this off, I will clarify and solidify the fact that the woman I was with when I wrote these old journals is NOT your mother.
If you exist.
I can tell you this with 1000% certainty.
-I used to believe that I wouldn't go back in time and change anything if I were given the opportunity, you know?
I don't know how I feel about that now...
I know that these books of mine probably wouldn't exist, and that thought hurts me the most in all honesty.
Hmm.
-I am glad that she and I never got the time or chance to bring a child into this world. As bad as I want you to exist, she was not the most...ideal mother.
Not for you.
Not for me.
Not for you, mostly and mainly.
You deserve only the best.
The brightest.
The purest.
The kindest.
The most stable.
Maybe...
Maybe that is why you have yet to be.
Maybe I am none of those things either.
-I don't think this old book will make it to 2038 lol.
I hope that I make it that far myself, lbvs.
I would love to see what other types of books and stories I have pumped out for you all by then, lol.
I will write until the day I die, of that, I am more than just sure.
-Better handwriting now? Here in 2025, it is much better than it was back in 2019, lmao.
-"Maybe 2020 will be an amazing year." Is a crazy thing to have said, now knowing what that year would ultimately bring about for the world...
Sheesh.
I was blessed to be one of the very few people who never contracted COVID-19. I hope that it stays that way for as long as I have left to live! I took care of my then-fiancé after nearly her entire family caught it, and still, I went uninfected.
A blessing, indeed.
I am glad that you were NOT born that year, Kid...
You'd be just over or just about five right now.
If you had passed away...
Well, let's just say I would not be sitting here typing this. They would have buried me right next to you.
-I had hoped that 2020 would be an amazing year.
My deepest condolences go out to everyone who lost someone.
The world hasn't been the same since then, you know?
I lost far too many people, as I am sure we all did.
You want to know something that kinda pops into my head from time to time?
I am sort of glad that both my stepdad and Godmother passed before COVID-19 hit America.
Hear me out.
They were both SEVERELY immunocompromised.
My stepdad had late-stage cancer when he passed, and my Godmother was suffering from Fibromyalgia.
I truly feel that the both of them are in far better places now.
Well...
My stepdad was rather racist...
So...
I don't know where those kinds of folks go once their ride is done, you know?
I would assume that (based one's belief system) one place is much warmer than the other.
I will leave you all at that, and I really hope that this latest spew of mine finds you all well and in good health.
I will see you all back here just as soon as I can emotionally process the next entry, lbvs.
I love you, Kid.
You as well, Folks.
Safe travels, yeah?
And as always:
Stay safe.
Stay healthy.
Stay vigilant.
-Redd.