What I disliked most about myself was how, whenever I was near my crush, I couldn't even look at him. Only around him did I get shy. How was I supposed to get his attention if I acted like that? It felt impossible. I'd never dare to take the next step, never gather the nerve to change anything in my life. Apparently, dreams did come true — but it took guts to make them real.
Felix drained all my courage because, deep down, I believed a guy like him would never notice someone like me. To him, I was probably just some ordinary, forgettable girl. He needed someone charismatic — someone like himself.
Leaning against the wall, I pretended to read a book while sneaking glances at him. Felix stood nearby in the corridor, chatting and laughing with his best friend. Then, all of a sudden, Mike's eyes locked onto mine. Flustered, I ducked behind my book, wishing he'd forget I existed after the way he mocked me recently.
But of course, he wasn't about to leave me alone.
"Hey, junior colleague. Did you take my advice and send that dangerous friend packing?" he asked, sauntering over.
I raised an eyebrow, silently begging him to back off. I didn't want to talk — not with Felix right there.
"Nope. That dangerous friend's just lying in bed with a fever," I muttered, stealing another glance at Felix. My ears burned as I caught the intensity in his gaze.
What was he thinking? How pathetic did I look?
"But she must be pretty hot in that bed tonight," Mike added, fanning himself like a drama queen, clearly enjoying the show.
"Excuse me?" I snapped, glaring.
He reached for my chin, but I tilted my head away, refusing to play his game.
"You're cute, though. Guys like cute girls," he smirked, and it drove me insane.
What was he even thinking?
"Having fun?" he asked, shrugging innocently.
I followed his gaze to Felix — and for a second, I thought he looked… enchanted? No, I was imagining things. I'd spent way too much time writing stories about him. The line between fantasy and reality was blurring fast.
"Done yet? Break's almost over," Mike said, turning to his friend.
He winked at me, then threw an arm around Felix's shoulders. As they walked off, I heard him murmur:
"Still insecure? You know I'd do anything for you, baby." He blew a kiss my way.
Felix didn't react. He wasn't like his goofy friend. He seemed... serious.
"I knew that if Eve kept dating a new guy every day, she'd end up with an STD," Sebastian said, suddenly appearing beside me, arms crossed.
I glared at him.
"Just because she goes on dates doesn't mean she sleeps with everyone. Show some respect," I warned, smacking the back of his head. "Eve's sick. She's in bed with a fever."
"Good thing it's just a fever and not a dude."
"Sebastian!" I scolded. "Bite your tongue before you say more. If Eve heard that, you'd be picking your teeth off the floor."
He just shrugged.
"The whole class is gossiping. Doesn't she realize she's ruining her reputation? She's sixteen and already bleached her hair. That doesn't look good."
"Since when do we judge people by hair color? Everyone has the right to look however they want. Don't swallow poison just to spit it at someone else."
Sebastian shot me a sidelong glance.
"Eve's lucky to have a friend like you."
"She's happy," I said, flipping my hair and walking away.
No point wasting time on childish nonsense. My classmates were hopeless — gossiping and tearing others down was their idea of fun. They should've spent less time trashing people and more time studying.
Or better yet — lived their own lives for once.
*
Class ending was always a relief. I loved waking up to see Felix, but by the afternoon, I was drained by boring lessons, dreaming only of curling up in bed and binge-watching my favorite series.
Outside, snow was falling softly. I wrapped myself in a shawl and stepped out, nearly tripping when someone grabbed my arm. I turned — it was Mike.
What did he want now? Why was he so obsessed with me? All thanks to Eve pushing me into this whole mess.
"Care to reveal your name, rake?" his friend laughed nearby.
"Rake?" I repeated, insulted. "Do you even know what that means?"
"Are you a flirt? Ever since you fell into my arms, I can't stop thinking about you. I keep seeing that flirtatious look you gave me—the way you batted your lashes and pouted."
If he weren't older — and someone I was technically supposed to respect — I would've knocked him to the ground. And he wouldn't have gotten up for at least five minutes.
"I don't remember acting like that."
"You just don't control it."
His hands landed on my shoulders as he stared at me with sparkling, infuriating eyes.
"What do you want from me?"
At least Felix wasn't around this time. Small mercies.
"To tell me your name."
I rolled my eyes.
"Selena Wesley. Happy now? Will you stop teasing me?"
"Nope." His grin made my skin crawl. I had apparently become the team mascot, and my chances with Felix had just dropped to about one percent.
Eve was so dead once she recovered. I'd strangle her — she was the one who pushed me into this chaos.
Mike tousled my hair and pulled my hood over my head before walking off.
That's when I saw Felix entering the building. My heart stuttered as his eyes found me — but instead of a smile, I got a cold stare.
"My buddy's not into you. He just likes playing with girls," he said flatly. "Don't get your hopes up."
I froze.
Those were the first words the boy of my dreams had ever spoken to me — and they shattered me.
I would've rather handed him a love letter and been rejected than hear that I was just a naive toy for his friend.
Tears pricked my eyes. Someone brushed past me in the hallway, but I stood frozen in place, the weight of those three sentences crashing down.
"I don't want to come here anymore," I whispered, watching as Mike said something to Felix. They both laughed — probably at me. Just a silly sixteen-year-old girl with hopeless fantasies.
I bit my lip and tore pages from my notebook. No regrets. That weird story I'd wasted time on? Gone. The fantasy I'd built was just that — fiction. Dreams of a perfect boyfriend weren't real.
How could I keep pining for someone who saw me as pathetic?
I'd rather pour my love into an idol — at least he couldn't hurt me.
I sat on the windowsill. The frosty air stung my cheeks, but the heat inside me — the pressure, the shame — made me feel like I was burning.
Angrily, I ripped out every page of my story and let the wind carry them away.
"Let people see what a hopeless idiot I was," I muttered. "I'm as pathetic as that story."
Then I grabbed my phone and called my friend. I needed to talk. She knew how much I'd missed her.
"I keep thinking about Felix's words... What's gotten into him? Did he really talk to you like that? Sounds like jealousy…" she said.
"Why would he be jealous of me?"
"Not you — of his buddy," she replied.
I groaned. "Maybe he's gay? Not into girls, has high standards, maybe he likes Mike?"
"If you were here, I'd slap you for that nonsense."
"Stop obsessing over boys' love," I snapped.
Eve laughed. "But wouldn't it be hot? Two sexy teammates secretly dating? The school would lose its mind!"
"Shut up, or I'm hanging up."
She mumbled, sounding bored. "Still. He really did sound jealous."
"Hopeful thinking."
"He didn't know you before… so why now?"
"Maybe love at first sight?" she teased. "When I talked to Mike, Felix looked at me like he was enchanted. It couldn't have been my imagination!"
"You're gorgeous," I admitted. "But love-at-first-sight jealousy? That's fanfic stuff. Be realistic."
She snorted. "You're no fun."
"Let's just say my ideal guy turned out to be a jerk."
"Yeah, and that's why you tore out your story pages. Suffering from love."
"More like heartbreak."
"It's just infatuation."
"It's too strong to be infatuation. My heart actually hurts."
I could already imagine her rolling her eyes on the other end of the line.
"Hope your next crush is more my style."
"There won't be a next one," I said. "Felix was special. No one can replace him."
*
I couldn't even remember the last time I went to school feeling this reluctant. After everything that had happened yesterday, I was sick of it all.
I wasn't stupid, and I wasn't going to cry over some lost fantasy of romance—but it still hurt. My crush had turned out to be a jerk. I guess I'd imagined too much. In my head, I created the kind of boy I wanted him to be—and then I projected that onto real life.
Only now did I see how delusional that was. I was sixteen, yet acting like a child. That needed to change.
"Hello, my sexy lady," Eve called, catching up to me at the school gate and throwing an arm around my shoulders. "How are you feeling?"
"Shouldn't I be the one asking you that? Are you feeling better? Did your parents even let you come back?"
She puffed out her lips dramatically and stared off into the distance.
"I was sick of lying in bed. I had to get out of there—I missed too much yesterday."
"Your health is more important than my school drama."
Eve stroked my cheek with one finger and flashed her signature grin.
"You're my lady, and I'm here to protect you, no matter how close to death I am. One day without me, and boom—your crush imploded."
"I think I saw through him," I muttered. "It's a sign Felix was never meant for me."
She snorted. "And you figured that out from what, three whole sentences he said to you?"
"Not my fault I'm built like this. Blame my parents."
She hugged me tighter as we walked through the front doors and headed to class, ignoring the glances from other students. I had the awful, creeping feeling that everyone already knew.
"Why is everyone looking at me like that?"
"Your sick brain's hallucinating," Eve replied. "Two people glanced your way, and they're second-years."
Still, I couldn't shake the feeling that the whole school already knew I'd been rejected by the school's golden boy.
"If rumors start about me, I swear I'm never stepping foot in this place again."
"You seriously need therapy," she said, tapping my forehead. "You should've said something to him instead of just standing there like a block of wood."
"And what would you have done if your crush said something like that to you?"
"I don't have crushes. I date guys I actually like. You should try it sometime—you might enjoy having standards."
"I'd rather daydream and write stories about a fictional crush than go out with a different guy every day. Besides, the class has already labeled you. Sebastian said you're a slut."
Eve's mouth dropped open.
"Oh, just wait until I get my hands on him…" She glanced down the hallway and locked eyes on the guy, laughing with his friends near the lockers. "Give me one sec. I'm going to kill him."
I frowned as she stormed off, slammed him against the wall, and used moves that felt straight out of one of my books.
I looked away, not wanting to witness it—and that's when my eyes met Felix's.
A blush rushed to my cheeks. My breath caught.
It was the first time I'd seen him this close.
"Selena Wesley?" he asked, and I swore there was a smirk playing on his lips. "If you're going to write stories like this, maybe don't sign your real name."
My stomach dropped.
He was holding up a torn notebook page—one with an erotic scene starring the two of us.
My face ignited with shame.
There was no word for what I felt. It was beyond humiliation. I wanted to vanish. Dissolve into the floor and disappear forever.
How was I ever going to get out of this?